Category Archives: NFL

Hot Air

What’s Important

Thursday night, some 32 million Americans watched a sporting event.

No, it wasn’t a game to decide the championship of a big pro sports league. Nor was it any contest at all between a couple of teams.

2014 NFL Draft Set

The Holy Altar

It was, in fact, the goddamned National Football League draft. That’s the yearly process by which the 32 teams of the planet’s most financially successful athletic outfit divvy up the latest pool of talent to emerge from the college ranks. General managers, talent coordinators, coaches and other swamis and gurus study the omens, signs, and symbols and then proceed to tab some 224 slabs of cartilage and sinew who will, it is hoped, lead their teams to Super Bowl glory.

And one in 10 human beings residing in this holy land watched said sacred rite.

We are, comrade Pencillistas, a deranged freakin’ nation.

Parking Perspective

Still steamed about Bloomington’s downtown parking meters?

Perhaps this’ll make you feel a tad better about it all:

NUMH Parking

Yep, these are the rates you’ll pay if you want to visit your sick old grandma at Chicago’s Northwestern Memorial Hospital in the city’s Streeterville neighborhood.

Admittedly, Streeterville — AKA the Gold Coast — is Chi-town’s most ritzy ‘hood. It’s where, for instance, notables and plutocrats such as Ann Landers, Oprah Winfrey, and the Pritzkers have lived through the years.

Still, $11.00 for a 45-minute drop-in on Bubeh? Or, should your Nonna not be clinging to life in one of Northwestern’s luxe suites, and instead you desire to grab a lunch at Gino’s East on Superior Street, you’ll end up paying $32 just to stash your dilapidated Corolla. Which is prob. more than the beater is worth.

Makes a buck an hour seem a bargain, no?

Truth? Bah!

Buzzfeed’s Andrew Kaczynski found this gem of a “quote” attributed to Prez Barack H. O. in a mailer sent out by the National Association for Gun Rights to benefit Libertarian loon Rand Paul:

Gun Bullshit

Q: So, like, when did BHO say this remarkable thing?

A: Never.

Here’s what the Nazi/commie/Stalinist/abortionist/gay sex tyrant actually said, back in December, 2012, after the Sandy Hook School shooting rampage in Newtown, Connecticut, that resulted in the deaths of 20 kids and 6 adults:

In the coming weeks, I’ll use whatever power this office holds to engage my fellow citizens — from law enforcement, to mental health professionals, to parents and educators — in an effort aimed at preventing more tragedies like this, because what choice do we have? We can’t accept events like this as routine.

Same thing right?

The New Version

After perusing a few gun rights web sites I feel I have a greater understanding of that landmark document, the Constitution of the United States of America. As a public service, I thought I’d write a new version of it, just like the Christianists do with their Bible on occasion. Here’s The Constitution, Glock Version, 2014:

Article I: We the People are nothing without Guns.

Amendment 2: Blah, blah, blah, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Other ideas, powers, and rights: Nothing really.

Signed,

Jesus Christ and George Washington

Politics, my friends, can be so simple.

Jesus Gun

Your Daily Hot Air

Silly Stuff

Recently, I took a couple of those silly BuzzFeed quizzes that supposedly tell you all about yourself. One was What Career Should You Actually Have? and the other was How Much of an Asshole Are You?

The conclusions? I should have been a professor and I am not an asshole at all.

From "The Nutty Professor"

Who, Me?

Jeez, what a load of horseshit!

Meter Mad

A hot Bloomington tomato named Candy Allday found herself in Oak Park, Illinois, this past week. She stopped at a Mexican restaurant with her ever-lovin’ husband and a couple of friends late-ish one evening.

Candy Allday is used to feeding B-town parking meters until the ungodly hour of 10pm, so she began digging in her purse for quarters before entering said eatery. Lo and behold, she stopped and gasped.

“I’ve gotta take a picture of this,” she blurted. And so she did. And here it is.

Photo by Candy Allday

Candy Allday wonders if certain Bloomington City Council-folk can read.

Let’s Dance

Bloomington’s own Brynda Forgas is no longer owned by her business, The Hidden Closet. After a long stay in the Fountain Square Mall, Forgas moved her Closet to Kirkwood Avenue, right behind the Book Corner last year. Biz was no better on Kirkwood than it had been in the relatively quiet mall.

So Brynda decided to call it a retail career a couple of months ago and announced she’d be locking the door one final time as soon as the Christmas season was over. She’s never looked happier.

An old pal of hers, Paula Chambers is set to open her own shop, The Dance Circus, in Brynda’s old space Tuesday, February 4. Paula’s another Bloomington fixture. She’s the boss of the Hudsucker Posse hula hoop girl gang. She, too, is moving her digs out of Fountain Square.

Dance Circus

The Dance Circus will continue to feature scads of dancewear and shoes, hula hoops (all handmade), and plenty of other fun stuff.

Chambers hopes to get better exposure and foot traffic for her store in the new location. She’s pumped. “I’m gonna make a splash on Kirkwood,” she promises.

Go visit Paula. And spend some cash, wouldja?

… And The Blacks Were Happy Under Slavery

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell gave the assembled news media of the world a state of the league address last week in advance of yesterday’s Super Bowl. Then he opened the floor for questions. One intrepid reporter asked him about the Washington club’s nickname, you know the one that’s a racial slur. Goodell pulled a Vinnie Barbarino and said, essentially, Whuh?

Pushed further, he elaborated. Why, he claimed, the folks we’re slurring consider it no slur at all!

Do you believe it?

Screenshot from Bleacher Report

I sure as hell don’t.

No, Really, Let’s Dance

Gridiron Hot Air

Sporting Rants

Okay, I come to this with a pre-existing bias. Football, I’ve pontificated here and elsewhere many times before, is one of the dumbest-assed games imaginable.

I mean, how can you root for a pro football team when your favorite players are likely to have their knees folded sideways at any given moment in the big game? That and the game represents all the most dearly held fetishes of the Republican Party: the forceful acquisition of real estate, corporate welfare, violence, extreme obeisance to authority, regressive labor subjugation, and the only role for women in it is as scantily-clad window dressing. So, yeah, I’m likely to cherry-pick evidence that the game ranks somewhere on the spectrum of crimes against humanity. But, honestly, how can you explain these two stories of the past weekend?

◗ Superstar running back Adrian Peterson played a football game Sunday, a mere two days after his two-year old child died. The kid died due to injuries suffered from an alleged beating at the hands of his mother’s current boyfriend.

Peterson is the best player on the Minnesota Vikings. The Vikings played the Carolina Panthers, an historically mediocre team. The Vikings themselves seem to be on a fast track to last place this year. So, this game did not mean anything in the larger scheme of things, even if that scheme includes an undue and ghoulish preoccupation with the Vikings’ final record for the 2013 season, considering the circumstances.

Even with their superstar running back, the Vikes lost to the mediocre Carolina Panthers 35-10 yesterday. There will not be a championship parade in Minneapolis next winter after the Super Bowl. But even if the Vikings and their fans had a realistic hope of winning the NFL’s big prize, wouldn’t a father want to take some time to remember his son and to help the kid’s mother get through this horrifying time? Is football that important?

To Peterson it is. It was also important to him to send a text message to Laura Okmin, a Fox Sports reporter, explaining his decision. Here’s the message, a screenshot from the Fox Sports broadcast of the game:

Screenshot from Fox Sports

So god told him to play. God, apparently, thinks fathers (and brothers) should be playing football rather than grieving over their lost sons (and siblings). I would like to think that Adrian Peterson might have spent his Sunday afternoon helping to console the kid’s mother or assisting with whatever arrangements that need to be made.

But, of course, god “wants good” to come of the kid’s death. Peterson did score a touchdown, so all is right with the world.

Peterson told another reporter the idea of not playing never even crossed his mind. “It was all about praying to god for the strength to get through and help my teammates,” he said.

No mention was made of the kid.

◗ Houston Texans quarterback Matt Schaub suffered an injury on a play Sunday afternoon against the St. Louis Rams. Schaub had been sacked and as some several hundred pounds of humanity was lifted off of him, he lay on the turf holding his lower leg and writhing in pain.

As Schaub lay on the ground, the agony clearly visible on his face, the loyal Houston fans cheered. No, not for Schaub being courageous and steely and a game warrior. They cheered because maybe, just maybe, they’d get a new quarterback. Huzzah! Turns out he’d hurt his ankle badly enough that he was unable to continue to play in the game.

Houston fans got what they wanted.

Schaub Injury

Hooray!

See, Schaub has committed the unforgivable sin of not being the best quarterback in the league. He hasn’t allowed the city of Houston to climb on his back so that he might carry them single-handedly to a Super Bowl victory.

Why, it’s positively unpardonable.

Instead, Schaub got his limb turned into a gruesome origami and — voila! — now Texan fans have hope again.

I’m torn now. I don’t know who is more loathsome, pro football players or pro football fans.

Baseball & Football

A master at work.

Your Daily Hot Air

Masters Of The Universe

ALEC is meeting in Chicago as we speak. You know that, don’t you? I assume they’re refining their plan to control the Solar System.

Solar System

ALEC’s Realm

Because, you know, complete global domination is a half-assed goal for losers. And those who populate the sinister halls of ALEC secret headquarters are winners. How do we know they’re winners? They have money and, in their universe, all that counts is money.

What is ALEC? Bill Moyers presents a swell picture of it here. ALEC Exposed does the same thing here. Or check Right Wing Watch’s mugshot of the gang here.

If you’re too lazy to click on the above links, just know that ALEC espouses, fights for, bankrolls, and — if it has its way — will soon impose by fiat upon us the following, among many other pro-corporate, fuck-you-people initiatives:

  • Stand your ground laws
  • “Shoot first” laws

John Wayne

ALEC’s American

  • The end of public education
  • Schools for profit
  • Defanging environmental standards and regulations
  • Union-busting
  • Deregulating the energy rackets

In its infancy (ALEC is celebrating its 40th birthday in Chi) the club worked tirelessly for prayer in public schools and against the Equal Rights Amendment. Later, ALEC-sters were among Saint Ronald Reagan’s most ardent stage door Johnnies. Now, it is simply the legislative muscle behind the corporate mob.

A number of people I know or am acquainted with are making nuisances of themselves outside the Palmer House Hilton Hotel where the ALEC-sters are perfecting their nefarious plots. These people are to ALEC what mosquitoes are to you and me. And ALEC is employing its very own flyswatter, in the form of the Chicago Police Department, to brush those nuisances away.

The thing is, mosquitoes may indeed be nuisances to you and me, but their bites remain with us for days and days. Sometimes the bites even interfere with our sleep.

Somehow, though, I don’t feel the ALEC archvillains are going to lose any sleep over the buzzing on East Monroe Street. They don’t seem to lose sleep over anything much.

Here are some citizen vids of the protests and arrests:

Meanwhile, corporate media hasn’t yet received the phone call alerting them to the protests. Golly gee, I wonder why!

BTW: If you’re interested in learning whether or not your elected representatives in the statehouse or in Congress are bought and paid for by ALEC, dig the interactive map here.

Now, turn off your TV and let’s do something about these slobs.

The Washington Slurs

In brighter news, Slate, the neo-lib online mag that’s usually as loath to making waves as a man standing up in a canoe, has decided, editorially, it shall never allow the moniker Washington Redskins to sully its portal again.

Redskins Logo

Vintage Washington Logo

Cool. Even though Washington NFL team owner Daniel Snyder thus far has stood on his head to insist he’ll never, ever, ever change its nickname no matter how many Indian groups or sympathizers raise a stink, it’s only a matter of time before the Redskins logo hits the dustbin. And none too soon, I may add.

Then again, the NFL and its devolved fan base really don’t care about trivialities like crippling leg injuries, scrambled brain syndromes, and the families of degenerate gamblers, so why would they care a whit about insulting a Holocausted people?

Redskins Cheerleader

Slurring Two Groups With One Stone

Ah, forget it: The Redskins they shall ever be. That doesn’t mean we have to say the word, does it?

The Pencil Today:

THE QUOTE

“American men, as a group, seem to be interested in only two things, money and breasts. It seems a very narrow outlook.” — Hedy Lamarr

THE VOTE

If you’re a Monroe County resident, you can vote today at The Curry Building, 214 W. Seventh St., from 8am-6pm.

Again we remind you, in order to streamline the electoral process, Republicans are being asked to vote on Wednesday, November 7th. Do your part.

I’M WARNING YOU, I’M GONNA SCREAM

If I never hear the words “battleground state” again, it’ll be too soon.

See, I’ve heard those annoying words on the radio or read them online more times than all the following really important terms put together:

  • Collateralized debt obligations
  • Credit-default swaps
  • Glass-Steagall repeal
  • Deregulation
  • Ayn Rand-ism
  • Risky assets
  • Faulty bond ratings
  • Debt leveraging
  • The bubble economy

You know — all those things that got us into this economic shithole in the first place?

As long as we’re too dense to see elections as anything other than entertainment, like horse races or Super Bowls, guys who dream up “creative financial instruments” will continue picking our pockets no matter who takes what battleground state.

GLANDULAR PROBLEM

As long as we’re on the topic of Things That Annoy Me, have you heard that the NFL this week will have its game officials drop pink penalty flags during a game between the New York Jets and the Miami Dolphins?

So, every time a defensive lineman attempts to bring down a runner by twisting his facemask, thereby severing the poor sap’s spinal cord — in other words, the usual Sunday afternoon fun — the referees, umpires, back judges, line judges, and all other striped constables on the field will toss pink flags rather than their customary yellow ones.

Throw The Pink Flag!

(And why in god’s holy name do there have to be so many officials — gangs of them — on an NFL field? This is as baffling as why each NFL team has to have upwards of 20 coaches. That’s right, I’m not exaggerating — 20 or more coaches per team. Honestly, I think the NFL is insane. I mean, there are coaches and advisers sprinkled throughout each stadium, photographing plays, drawing up strategies, trying to divine what the opposition might do next, and all of them communicating with each other through electronic systems that make NASA’s Mars Curiosity rover radio set-up look like a couple of tin cans with string attached. Fellas, it’s a game for pity’s sake!)

Anyway, the NFL is going pink for breast cancer, natch. Every other sport has gotten into the pink craze the last few years. Hardly a day goes by when Major League hitters aren’t swinging pink bats or NBA point guards aren’t wearing pink ribbon patches on their uniforms.

Look, I’m a guy and I don’t have breasts to worry about, but, come on, is breast cancer the only disease left on the planet? And don’t hit me with the men-can-get-breast-cancer-too line. The odds of a UFO appearing over the stadium at London’s Olympics opening ceremony, according to one betting house, were precisely the same as those for a man suffering breast cancer — 1000 to one.

So, yeah, I’m not losing sleep over breast cancer messing up my life. I would assume most women are. And everybody’s been spending the last few years jumping on the breast cancer bandwagon.

The question has to be asked: Why breasts? Lung cancer is far more deadly for women in the US than breast cancer is, yet you don’t see NBA players bouncing basketballs painted up to look like spongy, alveoli-packed bellows, do you?

My take is breast cancer in women is the only thing that scares the poo out of American men because we have a breast fixation. If a woman loses her uterus to cancer, we shrug. But if she loses a breast, we’re aghast. Our puerile, tit-fetishy culture sees women pretty much as annoyances with big things on their chests we want to get our hands on.

In fact, we’re so obsessed with women’s racks that we go gaga over gals who’ve had bags of silicon surgically implanted under their thoracic skin.

Victoria Beckham’s Plastic

Reminds me of the time I had a drunken discussion at adjoining urinals at Chicago’s Club Lago with a guy I knew. He was raving about his new girlfriend. “Aw, Big Mike, she’s fantastic,” he gushed. “She’s got blond hair. She’s built, man! She’s got a good gig. She wants sex all the time.”

The guy zipped up and bestowed upon me the piece de resistance, the cherry on the sundae, the Number One in his Top Ten List of why his new girlfriend was the bomb. “And Big Mike, this is the truth,” he said, grinning, “she’s got fake tits!”

I swear I think he wanted me to carry him out of the men’s room on my shoulders.

As I said, I’m a guy, so I know this: We’re breast nutty.

The NFL, the NBA, the NHL, and Major League Baseball are virtually boys-only clubs. They want to show women that they care about them, considering females do buy tickets to games, but the idea of worrying about ovarian cancer or heart attack leaves them cold. But god forbid our little ladies should lose one or both of their tatas!

Then what would they be? The prospect is simply too chilling for most men to contemplate.

GIRLISH POWER

And speaking of condescending to our holy land’s little gals, Fujitsu has introduced a spanking new laptop just for them.

It’s called the Floral Kiss, which sounds like a pretty cool new sex technique, but is actually a trademark for a new PC designed for humans who possess vaginas. The Floral Kiss comes in your choice of colors: Elegant White, Feminine Pink, and Luxury Brown. Your smart new laptop also comes with gold trim. Whee!

Ooh! What Happens If I Press This Little Thing-y?

By “smart” I mean, of course, fashionable and trendy, not, y’know, having anything to do with you actually having to use your silly brain. So don’t worry your pretty little head off.

Jenna Sauers of Jezebel writes: “Maybe if you’re very good, you could ask your husband to buy you one for Christmas!”

WHY, WHY, WHY?

It’s getting harder by the moment to be a Cubs fan.

The daddy-o of the clan that bought the team a couple of years ago for $845MM is the bankroll behind Dinesh D’Souza‘s “documentary” slopfest entitled “2016: Obama’s America.”

Joe Ricketts: Billionaire Blowhard

In the film, D’Souza posits that the President of the United States actually hates America. Don’t ask me to explain; the “thought processes” of D’Souza and his flock are beyond normal human comprehension.

Anyway, why does the man who set his kids up as billionaires so they could buy my fave baseball team have to be the one who finances this gunk? (Happily, two of the Ricketts kids — Cubs chairman Tom and Board Member Laura — have disavowed Dad’s right wing stances.)

Isn’t it bad enough that the Cubs have not appeared in a World Series since 1945 and haven’t won one since 1908? Now I have to root for them despite the fact that the owners’ papa is a wingnut?

All This And D’Souza, Too?

Believe me, if my boys ever win the Series in my lifetime, I’ll celebrate as never before, then I’ll wash my hands of them.

The only events listings you need in Bloomington.

Thursday, October 25th, 2012

VOTE TODAY ◗The Curry Building, 214 W. Seventh St.; 8am-6pm

STUDIO TOUR ◗ Brown County, various locationsThe Backroads of Brown County Studio Tour, free, self-guided tour of 16 local artists’ & craftspersons’ studios; 10am-5pm, through October

POETRY & BOOKS ◗ Various locations around IU campus & BloomingtonSylvia Plath Symposium 2012, celebrating 50 years since the publication of her “Ariel” collection, Through Saturday, Today’s highlights at IU Memorial Union, Whittenberger Auditorium:

  • Lynda K. Bundtzen speaks about Plath’s psychotherapy, & use of unconscious in her 1958 poems, Langdon hammer speaks about James Merril’s use of the Ouija® board for inspiration; 9:30-10:20am
  • Linda Adele Goodine & Suzie Hanna sepak about juvenile/adult fantasy & the liminal space between waking & dreaming; 10:30-11:20am
  • Jeanne Marie Beaumont, Annie Finch, Kathleen Ossip, & David Trinidad speak about PLath’s influence on the poetic process; 1-2:20pm
  • Bill Buckley & Peter K. Steinberg speak about Plath’s influence on scholars, students, & artists; 2:30-2:50pm
  • Linda Gates speaks about Plath’s relationships with A. Alvarez, Ted Hughes, & Assia Wevill; 3-3:20pm
  • Diann Blakely, Bill Buckley, Peter Cooley, Kimberly Maxwell, & Jennifer Thompson on being inspired, influenced, & healed by Plath; 3:30-5:30pm

POETRY ◗ Rachael’s CafeB-Town Poets, Open mic reading; 5-7pm

PANEL DISCUSSION IU Memorial Union, Walnut Room — “Human Trafficking & Media,” Penelists include Yana Hashamova of Ohio State University, Jon Daggy of Indianapolis Metropolitan Police, & Lesley Yarranton, London-based journalist; 5:20pm

BENEFIT ◗ Upland Brewing Company5th Annual Local Growers Guild Harvest Dinner; 6pm

LECTURE ◗ IU Neal-Marshall Black Culture Center — “Sex, Germs, & Worms: Infectious Disease in Primate Societies,” Presented by Charlie Nunn of Harvard University; 6pm

MUSIC ◗ Malibu GrillSteve Johnson Trio; 6-9pm

BENEFIT ◗ The Fields Clubhouse, Clarizz & Moores PikeHarvest Gathering, Dinner & silent auction, For Community Justice & Mediation Center, Featured speaker Jody Lynee Madiera of Maurer School of Law discusses her book, “Killing McVeigh: The Death Penalty & the Myth of Closure“; 6-9pm

FILM IU Cinema — “Blood of Jesus“; 7pm

MUSIC ◗ Max’s PlaceGrandview Junction; 7pm

MUSIC ◗ Muddy Boots Cafe, NashvilleZion Crossroads; 7-9pm

STAGE ◗ IU Wells-Metz Theatre — “Richard III“; 7:30pm

LECTURE — IU Maurer School of Law, Moot Court RoomPatten Lecture Series:Why Pictures of People About to Die Depict News Events Involving Death,” Presented by Barbie Zelizer; 7:30pm

MUSIC ◗ The Player’s PubOpen mic hosted by Martina Samm; 7:30pm

COMEDY ◗ The Comedy AtticMichael Winslow; 8pm

MUSIC IU Auer HallNew Music Ensemble, David Dzubay, director, & Joseph Schwantner, guest composer; 8pm

MUSIC & BENEFIT ◗ Rachael’s CafeLive music, Presented by WIUX PledgeFest; 8pm

FILM IU Memorial Union, Whittenberger AuditoriumUB Films: “The Campaign“; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ The BluebirdKeller Williams; 9pm

MUSIC ◗ The BishopThe Broderick Album Release Show, The Kernal, Fluffer; 9:30pm

FILM IU Memorial Union, Whittenberger AuditoriumUB Films: “The Campaign“; 11pm


ONGOING:

ART ◗ IU Art MuseumExhibits:

  • “New Acquisitions,” David Hockney; through October 21st
  • “Paragons of Filial Piety,” by Utagawa Kuniyoshi; through December 31st
  • “Intimate Models: Photographs of Husbands, Wives, and Lovers,” by Julia Margaret, Cameron, Edward Weston, & Harry Callahan; through December 31st
  • French Printmaking in the Seventeenth Century;” through December 31st
  • Celebration of Cuban Art & Film: Pop-art by Joe Tilson; through December 31st
  • Threads of Love: Baby Carriers from China’s Minority Nationalities“; through December 23rd
  • Workers of the World, Unite!” through December 31st
  • Embracing Nature,” by Barry Gealt; through December 23rd
  • Pioneers & Exiles: German Expressionism,” through December 23rd

ART ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron CenterExhibits:

  • Ab-Fab — Extreme Quilting,” by Sandy Hill; October 5th through October 27th
  • Street View — Bloomington Scenes,” by Tom Rhea; October 5th through October 27th
  • From the Heartwoods,” by James Alexander Thom; October 5th through October 27th
  • The Spaces in Between,” by Ellen Starr Lyon; October 5th through October 27th

ART ◗ IU SoFA Grunwald GalleryExhibit:

  • Buzz Spector: Off the Shelf; through November 16th
  • Small Is Big; Through November 16th

ART ◗ IU Kinsey Institute GalleryExhibits:

  • A Place Aside: Artists and Their Partners;” through December 20th
  • Gender Expressions;” through December 20th

PHOTOGRAPHY ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World CulturesExhibit:

  • “CUBAmistad” photos

ART ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World CulturesExhibits:

  • “¡Cuba Si! Posters from the Revolution: 1960s and 1970s”
  • “From the Big Bang to the World Wide Web: The Origins of Everything”
  • “Thoughts, Things, and Theories… What Is Culture?”
  • “Picturing Archaeology”
  • “Personal Accents: Accessories from Around the World”
  • “Blended Harmonies: Music and Religion in Nepal”
  • “The Day in Its Color: A Hoosier Photographer’s Journey through Mid-century America”
  • “TOYing with Ideas”
  • “Living Heritage: Performing Arts of Southeast Asia”
  • “On a Wing and a Prayer”

BOOKS ◗ IU Lilly LibraryExhibit:

  • Outsiders and Others: Arkham House, Weird Fiction, and the Legacy of HP Lovecraft;” through November 1st
  • A World of Puzzles,” selections from the Slocum Puzzle Collection

PHOTOGRAPHY ◗ Soup’s OnExhibit:

  • Celebration of Cuban Art & Culture: “CUBAmistad photos; through October

PHOTOGRAPHY ◗ Monroe County History CenterExhibit:

  • Bloomington: Then and Now,” presented by Bloomington Fading; through October 27th

ARTIFACTS ◗ Monroe County History CenterExhibits:

  • Doctors & Dentists: A Look into the Monroe County Medical Professions
  • What Is Your Quilting Story?
  • Garden Glamour: Floral Fashion Frenzy
  • Bloomington Then & Now
  • World War II Uniforms
  • Limestone Industry in Monroe County

The Ryder & The Electron Pencil. All Bloomington. All the time.

The Pencil Today:

THE QUOTE

“I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.” — Duffy Daugherty

CLASSROOM CONFIDENTIAL

Homecoming Day at Indiana Memorial Stadium. Our valiant Hoosier student-athletes meet the visiting Spartans of Michigan State University at noon.

Wait a minute — did I type student-athletes?

I suppose I dare not describe, say, third-string Ohio State quarterback Cardale Jones in such unflattering terms.

Jones: No Schoolboy

Jones Tweeted yesterday his true feelings about playing for an outfit so silly as a university — even if that university is actually a football and basketball factory that just happens to churn out the occasional microbiologist or, ugh!, creative writer.

Here’s a screenshot of Jones’ Tweet:

By golly, he’s right! Why should an 18-year-old who is capable of typing the phrase “… we ain’t come to play SCHOOL…” on a social media site be considered anything so outlandish as a student?

I’m assuming the reluctant student is 18. The Ohio State football website offers tons of info on Jones, including his height, weight, what high school he attended, and even his mother’s name, but it doesn’t reveal his age. Perhaps it’s due to some sort of privacy restriction imposed by the NCAA.

You know, the governing body whose purpose, purportedly, is to ensure our college football heroes are parsing their sentences in English class.

Believe it? Silly fool.

Under the National Football League’s new Collective Bargaining Agreement signed with the NFL Players Association last year, drafted rookies make $390,000 in 2012, $480,000 in 2013, and $570,000 in 2014.

Let’s see some skinny English major make that kind of scratch three years out of college.

Jones has since removed his Tweet but nothing disappears from the interwebs.

And nothing changes at Ohio State University, come to think of it. Former football coach Jim Tressel resigned under duress in May, 2011, amid scandals that included players selling memorabilia without authorization and hanging out with a suspected drug dealer, as well as Tressel trying to cover the whole thing up.

With Tressel gone, OSU was supposed to be back on the straight and narrow. I wonder how that’s working out.

Well, a large human being who plays linebacker for OSU was arrested in July for domestic violence and assault. Storm Klein allegedly got physical with the young woman who is the mother of his baby. OSU suspended Klein. Before the case got to trial, the woman suddenly decided that maybe Storm Klein didn’t really get physical with her, or if he did, well, he didn’t mean anything, y’know?

Storm Klein At His Appearance In Court

Such changes of heart are common among wives and girlfriends of professional and major college athletes and coaches.

So Klein’s suspension was promptly terminated and he’s busy twisting the heads off opposing running backs again.

A couple of massive creatures who play for Ohio State were witnessed urinating in public in June. When they realized the cops were hot on them, they ran. In the real world, that would bring a felony charge of eluding the police. In OSU-land, the two players got rapped with misdemeanor obstructing official business, which sounds more like they refused to hand a stapler to a city clerk when asked to do so.

In any case, the two were suspended but they, too, are back to maiming opposing players.

You know, Klein and the two public-pissers may indeed be student-athletes, after all. They’ve learned, for instance, how the justice system really works in the vicinity of Columbus, Ohio.

Jones, too, is a student-athlete, whether he likes it or not. He’s already learned which side his bread is buttered on.


HE’S A POL

Everybody who knows me knows I’m voting for Barack Obama again this year.

I’ll be glum if that paragon of debt-leveraged, union busting, predatory capitalism, Mitt Romney, sneaks in.

That said, I don’t buy much of yesterday’s Bureau of Labor Statistics report pegging the unemployment rate at sub-8 for the first time since, oh, the Jurassic Period.

“Here’s What We Do….”

Obama’s my guy but don’t for a minute think that he’s not a savvy politician.

My guess is the BLS underreported unemployment in August just so it could readjust its figures for September, the last such report before the election.

I’m not a conspiracy theorist but I know how successful political operations work.

The only events listings you need in Bloomington.

Saturday, October 6th, 2012

Brought to you by The Electron Pencil: Bloomington Arts, Culture, Politics, and Hot Air. Daily.

FOOD ◗ City Hall, Showers PlazaFarmers Market; 8am-1pm

WORKSHOP ◗ Sanshin Zen CommunityExperiencing Zen, presented by Shohaku Okaumura Roshi; 8:30am-5pm

HOMECOMING ◗ IU Memorial StadiumOctSOBERfest, alternative, safe-drinking tailgate party; 9am-game time

FESTIVAL ◗ Town of Bloomfield, various locations2012 Bloomfield Apple Festival, music, contests, parade, games, food, etc.; 9am-10pm, through Sunday

FAIR ◗ Virgil I. Grissom Airport, BedfordUp in the Air Science Fair, Vintage airplanes, radio controlled air show, telescope viewing, food, etc., Balloon launch at 10am with on-board student experiments, Free; 9am-5pm

HOMECOMING ◗ Hoosier Village, behind DeVault CenterIU Alumni Homecoming Tailgate Party; 9:30am-game time

STAGE ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron Center — Children’s play, “Knuffle Bunny,” Presented by Cardinal Stage Company; 10am

ART ◗ IU Art MuseumSpecial Exhibit openings; 10am-5pm

  • Embracing Nature,” by Barry Gealt, Meet the artist from 10:30am-12:30pm
  • Pioneers & Exiles: German Expressionism

STUDIO TOUR ◗ Brown County, various locationsThe Backroads of Brown County Studio Tour, free, self-guided tour of 16 local artists’ & craftspersons’ studios; 10am-5pm, through October

CLASS ◗ Monroe County Public LibraryAlef Ba Arabic Language & Culture, for children grades Pre-K through 2nd; 10:30-11:30am

STAGE ◗ Monroe County Public LibraryPreview of “Once Upon a Mattress,” for children & families, selected songs & scenes; 11-11:30am

CLASS ◗ Monroe County Public LibraryYa Ya Chinese Language & Culture, for children grades Pre-K through 2nd; 11:30-12:30am

SPORTS ◗ IU Memorial StadiumHoosier football vs. Michigan State; Noon

MUSIC ◗ Muddy Boots Cafe, NashvilleRobbie Bowden; Noon

WALK ◗ St. Thomas Lutheran ChurchBegin here for Interfaith Walk, Stop at different congregations, Learn about symbols & rituals; Hear prayer & song; 1-5pm

HALLOWE’EN ◗ Haunted Hayride & Stables, 8308 S. Rockport Rd.Friendly hayride, No spooks; 1-5pm

ART ◗ IU Art MuseumThematic Tour: The Tree in Art, Presented by docent Monica Kindraka Jensen; 2-3pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Metz CarillonFirst Saturday Recital: Arthur Metz & Amanda Jensen on the carillon; 2pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford HallFaculty Recital: Nigel North on lute; 5pm

ART & BENEFIT ◗ Blue Studio GalleryChip-Art: An Interactive Art Installation, for Monroe County United Way; 6pm

FILM ◗ IU Fine Arts TheaterRyder Film Series: “Stars in Shorts“; 6:45pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Auer HallSymphonic Choir; 7-8:30pm

POETRY ◗ Rachael’s CafePoetry in a Time of Drought: Readings by Jenny Kander, Roger Pfingsten, JL Kato, Doris Lynch, Thomas Tokarski; 7-8:30pm

SPORTS ◗ IU GymnasiumHoosier volleyball vs. Nebraska; 7pm

SPORTS ◗ IU Bill Armstrong StadiumHoosier men’s soccer vs. Wisconsin; 7pm

MUSIC ◗ Cafe DjangoDawn & Jeff Hiatt; 7pm

HALLOWE’EN ◗ Haunted Hayride & Stables, 8308 S. Rockport Rd.; 7-11pm

HALLOWE’EN ◗ Bakers Junction Railroad Museum, SmithvilleHaunted train; 7pm

MUSIC ◗ Muddy Boots Cafe, NashvilleKurt & Marge Young; 7-9pm

FILM ◗ IU CinemaTonight’s feature has been cancelled; 7pm

FILM ◗ IU Woodburn Hall TheaterRyder Film Series: “Meet the Fokkens“; 7:15pm

STAGE ◗ Bloomington Playwrights ProjectComedy, “Rx”; 7:30pm

STAGE ◗ Brown County Playhouse, NashvilleDrama, “Last Train to Nibroc”; 7:30pm

COMEDY ◗ The Comedy AtticJackie Kashian; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Auer HallIU Singing Hoosiers, director, Steve Zegree; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ The Player’s PubLamont Gillispe; 8pm

NATURE & FAMILY ◗ Lake Monroe, Paynetown SRAStories & S’mores, Campfire storytelling; 8-8:45pm

FILM ◗ IU Fine Arts TheaterRyder Film Series: “Neighboring Sounds“; 8:30pm

MUSIC ◗ Cafe DjangoGyrogenics Ensemble; 9pm

FILM ◗ IU Woodburn Hall TheaterRyder Film Series: “The Topp Twins: Untouchable Girls“; 9pm

MUSIC ◗ Max’s Place Aurgasmic Orchestra, DBN; 9pm

MUSIC ◗ The BluebirdClayton Anderson; 9pm

MUSIC & DANCING ◗ The Root Cellar at Farm BloomingtonNew Wave dance party; 10pm

COMEDY ◗ The Comedy AtticJackie Kashian; 10:30pm

ONGOING:

ART ◗ IU Art MuseumExhibits:

  • “New Acquisitions,” David Hockney; through October 21st
  • Paintings by Contemporary Native American Artists; through October 14th
  • “Paragons of Filial Piety,” by Utagawa Kuniyoshi; through December 31st
  • “Intimate Models: Photographs of Husbands, Wives, and Lovers,” by Julia Margaret, Cameron, Edward Weston, & Harry Callahan; through December 31st
  • French Printmaking in the Seventeenth Century;” through December 31st
  • Celebration of Cuban Art & Film: Pop-art by Joe Tilson; through December 31st
  • Workers of the World, Unite!” through December 31st
  • Embracing Nature,” by Barry Gealt; through December 23rd
  • Pioneers & Exiles: German Expressionism,” through December 23rd

ART ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron CenterExhibits:

  • Ab-Fab — Extreme Quilting,” by Sandy Hill; October 5th through October 27th
  • Street View — Bloomington Scenes,” by Tom Rhea; October 5th through October 27th
  • From the Heartwoods,” by James Alexander Thom; October 5th through October 27th
  • The Spaces in Between,” by Ellen Starr Lyon; October 5th through October 27th

ART ◗ IU SoFA Grunwald GalleryExhibit:

  • “Samenwerken,” Interdisciplinary collaborative multi-media works; through October 11th

ART ◗ IU Kinsey Institute GalleryExhibits opening September 28th:

  • A Place Aside: Artists and Their Partners;” through December 20th
  • Gender Expressions;” through December 20th

PHOTOGRAPHY ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World CulturesExhibit:

  • “CUBAmistad” photos

ART ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World CulturesExhibits:

  • “¡Cuba Si! Posters from the Revolution: 1960s and 1970s”
  • “From the Big Bang to the World Wide Web: The Origins of Everything”
  • “Thoughts, Things, and Theories… What Is Culture?”
  • “Picturing Archaeology”
  • “Personal Accents: Accessories from Around the World”
  • “Blended Harmonies: Music and Religion in Nepal”
  • “The Day in Its Color: A Hoosier Photographer’s Journey through Mid-century America”
  • “TOYing with Ideas”
  • “Living Heritage: Performing Arts of Southeast Asia”
  • “On a Wing and a Prayer”

BOOKS ◗ IU Lilly LibraryExhibit:

  • Outsiders and Others:Arkham House, Weird Fiction, and the Legacy of HP Lovecraft;” through November 1st
  • A World of Puzzles,” selections form the Slocum Puzzle Collection

PHOTOGRAPHY ◗ Soup’s OnExhibit:

  • Celebration of Cuban Art & Culture: “CUBAmistad photos; through October

PHOTOGRAPHY ◗ Monroe County History CenterExhibit:

  • Bloomington: Then and Now,” presented by Bloomington Fading; through October 27th

ARTIFACTS ◗ Monroe County History CenterExhibit:

  • “Doctors and Dentists: A Look into the Monroe County Medical professions

The Electron Pencil. Go there. Read. Like. Share.

The Pencil Today:

THE QUOTE

“Life contains these things: leakage and wickage and discharge, pus and snot and slime and gleet. We are biology. We are reminded of this at the beginning and the end, at birth and at death. In between we do what we can to forget.” — Mary Roach

POLITICAL DISCOURSE

Oh, man! NFL football players are jumping on the gay marriage bandwagon!

Whooda thunk it?

My least fave professional sporting league generally is known for political and social outbursts that would make Mussolini proud. But Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendan Ayanbadejo came out publicly in support of Maryland’s gay marriage ballot initiative recently.

Brendan Ayanbadejo

A state legislator named Emmet Burns Jr. immediately dashed off a letter to the owner of the Ravens, demanding he shut his employee up.

Maryland State Delegate Emmett Burns, Jr.

Well, that just got Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe teed off enough to send a letter of his own to Burns, defending his league-mate as well as gay marriage. Among the zingers Kluwe included in his red-assed missive were:

  • “Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level.”
  • “What on earth would possess you to be so mind-bogglingly stupid?”
  • “I can’t even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled brain right now….”
  • “… [W]hy do you hate freedom?”
  • “If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you’ll start thinking about penis?”

This is beautiful!

  • “I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won’t come into your house and steal your children. They won’t magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster….”

Kluwe is becoming the modern-day Oscar Wilde.

Chris Kluwe

  • “In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in the mouth clusterfuck you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in.”

And Kluwe closes the letter by calling Burns, “Asshole.”

I dunno about you, but suddenly I’m a Minnesota Vikings fan.

KING OF THE UNITED STATES

Think Progress runs a laundry list of bizarre, regressive, and downright Cro-Magnon quotes and positions offered up by Iowa Congressman Steve King, a Republican.

One Of These Guys Is A Member Of Congress

King sits on the Agriculture, Small Business, and Judiciary committees. He also is a big shot in the Congressional Tea Party Caucus, natch. (Indiana’s Mike Pence, now running for governor, also is a member.) King’s already become known for loathing abortion and birth control, digging Rep. Todd Akin, and deeming racial profiling to be pretty cool.

Per Think Progress, though, we learn that King is just as whacked out as the more notorious Michele Bachmann — whom he also digs the most.

Pals

Here are a few revelations about a guy Mitt Romney endorses for reelection

  • King wants the US to build an electric fence at the border with Mexico. “We do this with livestock all the time,” he says by way of explanation.
  • King wants states to ban birth control but feels state bans on pâté de foie gras are unconstitutional.
  • He’s a birther.
  • King was sympathetic to the man who crashed an airplane into an Austin, Texas IRS building in February, 2010.
  • King once described witch-hunting Sen Joe McCarthy as “a great American hero.”

Some Hero

Romney says if he’s elected president, King would be “my partner in Washington.”

FRANKEN-COOKIES

The world is coming to an end.

Want proof?

Here it is:

Oh, no, this ain’t no Onion stuff. Nabisco is actually putting these boxes of extruded tumors on sale Monday, September 10th.

You can stock up on them through Hallowe’en, by which time an orthopedic surgeon will be sawing both your legs off below the knee, thanks to the ravages of orange and white cookie-induced diabetes.

Enjoy!

A SECOND CAR?

Folks, I wonder if you think I’d look good in this little model.

A 1961 Ford Gyron Concept Car

Well?

SIZE AND MEN

Yeesh, this one gives me vertigo just thinking about it:

From The Universe

Back on Earth, the chicks (and the one or two males who pitch in occasionally) at Skepchick have been bombarded with hate emails and Tweets of late.

Their offense? Merely that they’re outspoken females (and the one or two guys who tolerate them).

What puzzles me is why loads and loads of men despise women. Even if you think women are nothing more than sex objects, wouldn’t you say to yourself, “Man, I dig those sex objects!”?

I don’t get a lot of things, which is often frustrating, but this is one thing I’m glad I can’t grasp.

Anyway, Rebecca Watson, the big bosschick at Skepchick ruminates on the hate:

Click For Full Article

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