The Electron Pencil

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THE TRUTH ABOUT MOLLY

“I believe that ignorance is the root of all evil. And that no one knows the truth.” Molly Ivins said it. I wish I could have had the pleasure of spending a long night drinking beer and raising hell with her. She was my kind of gal; she had a dog named Shit. She died of breast cancer in 2007.

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TOO DUMB TO SUCCEED

Maybe the hyenas who run the big outfits that foisted that flood of sub-prime loans upon us, driving us into a world of underfunded schools, unemployment, lost retirement nest eggs, and such are right when they say they’re special because they’re smart.

After all, these eels created “financial instruments” that were inscrutable, made them gobs of dough, and collapsed several investment banks and other financial institutions. Still they roam the streets free.

They are smart. Immoral, bestial, craven, and nefarious, sure. But smart.

As opposed to the man who stole a tuba, valued at $3500, from the University of Evansville. WFIE Channel 14 in the southern Indiana town reports that Kevin Neal called a local music store saying he had a tuba he wanted to sell. The music store owner said come on over. While waiting for Neal, the storekeep got a call from the music director at the U of E, saying — you guessed it — the school’s tuba had been stolen.

This Is Not A Financial Instrument

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Too bad for Neal; the music store proprietor had recently sold the tuba to the school so he knew exactly what it looked like. It was, the music man concluded, too much of a coincidence.

The cops were called. They staked out the music shop, ID’d the alleged thief from security videotapes, and slapped the bracelets on Neal. He spent last night in the Vandenburgh County lockup.

He has now spent more time in jail than any of the smart baboons who bilked the planet out of trillions.

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LEO & THE GIANT GILA MONSTER

Celebrity bartender and man-about-town Leo Cook has scored a gig catering for that remake of “The Giant Gila Monster” being shot in Franklin.

Vogue Cover The Month After Hell Freezes Over

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Leo brought some fab chicken tenderloins marinated in a secret sauce into the Book Corner the other day and broke the good news.

He is a fortunate man to be associated with such an august production. The moviegoing public has been clamoring for an updated version of the 1959 sci-fi classic for decades now.

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WOULDN’T IT BE NICE…

…To start your day with some great pop?

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COMIX & BOOKS

Exercise your link finger here:

• Book queen R.E. Paris reviews two tomes by local authors (originally published in the Ryder — H/T to Peter LoPilato.)

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• Another “XKCD” panel from Randall Monroe.

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WE DO FACEBOOK SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

Susie Bright of Santa Cruz, California is one of the cool ones. The writer/entertainer essentially created the category “sex-positive feminist” back in the 1980s as a reaction to the joyless prigs who seemed to be ruling the feminist world at the time.

Susie is not happy about the new federal regs concerning the Plan B One-Step birth control pill. Nor is essayist Katha Pollitt happy. Susie links to Pollitt’s piece in The Nation about the Obama administration’s endorsement of new rules that turn women into children who need to be lectured about their naughty urge to fuck.

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By pandering to religious fetishists who view sex as icky and men who are scared of women, Barack Obama is demonstrating that he wants to keep his job in the worst way.

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