The Electron Pencil

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THE QUOTE

“We live in a world of guns, bombs, and terror. To conquer hate seems a nigh impossible task.” — Theo Bikel

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THE GUN BATTLE

Friday, Mitt Romney genuflected before the 70,000 or so gun lovers gathered in St. Louis for the NRA’s annual convention.

“Honest, I Love Guns. Lo-o-o-ove Them!”

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He needs to make peace with that well-armed gang because they’re less than enthralled with him. He’s never publicly called for mass shootings of brown-skinned people walking through white neighborhoods or women who use birth control.

That suggests, according to the peculiar logic of the NRA, that he’s either a socialist or a raving homosexual.

Romney’s speech before the well-armed throng included very few mentions of the actual word, gun. As a result, the crowd gave him a tepid reception.

“I Have Such A Huge Erection It Hurts.”

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He has, though, spoken in recent days about his hunting experiences. For some odd reason, men running for president must prove to the lock-and-load electorate that they’re rough and ready hunters. Why, I don’t know. Maybe people want their Chief Executive to be able to provide raw meat for the population should times gets tough.

Anyway, the NRA won its war against sanity long ago in this holy land. I recall a time when a public debate could be held on the topic of whether or not it’s advisable to let everyone and his brother possess pistols, rifles, bazookas, grenade launchers, surface-to-air missiles and other such items of protection.

“I Told You Goddamn Kids To Stay Off My Lawn!”

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Now, no more. The issue has been settled. The majority of states in America now allow citizens to carry concealed weapons, which is comforting considering the world is rife with spies, saboteurs, mass murderers hopped up on pep pills, bundists, Union sympathizers, vampires, and other threats.

In fact, I have to wonder why the NRA even exists anymore. After all, what do they have to fight for? Even that socialist, radical, Mau Mau, Manchurian candidate, Trotzky-ite, moonlighting abortionist Barack Obama has been conspicuously mum on the topic of guns. He knows it’s a losing campaign talking point.

Here’s where the gun debate stands in the year of our lord 2012. A women attendee at the NRA porn-fest was interviewed by an NPR reporter. This is what she had to say:

“I think, when I was single, if I was threatened, I would like to be able to say I could pull my gun and shoot and not have to go to court and prove my point.”

“Okay Pal, I Got The Roscoe. I’m In Charge Here.”

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So you see, the issue of gun-ownership is no issue at all. The fight now is over the ability of folks to fire at will and not have to explain themselves to anybody except god, who, the Holy Bible reminds us, was fond of mowing down people who displeased him.

By the way, polls indicate most NRA members are anti-abortion. Life, they say, is sacred.

Life in the womb, that is. Once you’re out of the womb, stay the hell out of their way or else they’ll blow your brains out.

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SEX CRIME

So, nearly a dozen Secret Service agents were sent home from Colombia for the mortal sin of patronizing prostitutes.

“Now Where’s That Hooker? She Said She’d Be Here By Eight.”

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Funny, isn’t it? You can game the financial system, defraud the home-buying public, lie through your teeth to whip the country into war fever, foul the air and water all you’d like, sell bonds to unsuspecting customers and then bet against them, and generally behave like a mad dog in a heat wave and the most you’ll suffer is the tut-tutting of pain in the ass good government types.

But if you engage in anything other than missionary position sex you’re screwed — and not in the good way, either.

Another funny thing: the randy agents were busted when one of the prostitutes dropped a dime on them because she had been stiffed (and not in the good way) by them.

In other words, they stole services from her. For my money, that’s the real crime here.

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HOT AIR OVER AMERICA

Kids, you have to see this almost-real time map of the continental US showing wind patterns. (h/t to SAW of Trout Valley, Illinois.)

Not only is this cool art, it illustrates beautifully what a living, dynamic thing this hunk of rock we call Earth is.

Here’s a still pic of the map (there’s no way to embed the vid at this time):

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