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THE QUOTE
“We’re doomed.” — Rush Limbaugh
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THE NEW ORDER
Ooh, we’re excited here at Bloomington’s favorite communications colossus!
First we’ve been authorized by the federal government to continue operation after President Barack Obama’s order to shut down any and all TV and radio stations, newspapers, magazines, and interwebs sites that are deemed dangerous to the newly renamed United States of the World.
Huzzah! The Electron Pencil has been named a Communications Organ of the People!
We’ve always striven to be an organ of one sort or another.
Second, the Federal Emergency Management Administration wants us to pass along some vitally important directives to The People. FEMA’s notification is reproduced, in part, below:
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Here is the gist of FEMA’s order:
♠ All guns being held by private citizens must be turned in no later than midnight, Saturday, November 10th, 2012 (that’s today, so hurry!)
♠ The new Tithing for the Poor program mandates that all working Americans must hand over 10 percent of their weekly income to the welfare queen or pimp of their choice
♠ Any and all registered Republicans must sign a loyalty oath to the New Order — it begins, “I pledge allegiance to the Social Bureaucracy of the United States of the World…”
♠ Tea Party members will be required to report to FEMA’s Attitude Readjustment camps by Wednesday, November 21st, 2012 — they will not be allowed to participate in Thanksgiving festivities as that racist, imperialist celebration has now been outlawed
♠ Grandmas of the USW will be required to report to their local Death Panels as soon as possible
♠ All public buildings must now prominently display the al Qur’an
♠ A United Nations representative will be visiting your home within the next few weeks — you are to cooperate fully with him or her
♠ All American women of child-bearing age must undergo an abortion procedure by the end of the year — those who are not pregnant at this time must become pregnant by December 1st, 2012 — those women who have difficulty finding a mate can apply for assistance from the USW Social Stud Service, staffed exclusively by men of African extraction
♠ American business owners must close their businesses by the end of the year
♠ All white males in excess of 50 percent of the population must leave the country — preference for those who are allowed to remain will be shown for weak, near-sighted, flat-footed males who exhibit a proclivity to enjoy showering with other males
♠ All Americans must engage in a minimum of one (1) homosexual act each year
We at The Electron Pencil are proud to do our share in the remaking of America. And we pledge allegiance to our Dear Leader!
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The only events listings you need in Bloomington.
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Saturday, November 10th, 2012
FOOD ◗ City Hall, The Showers Building — Farmers Market; 8am-1pm
ARTS & CRAFTS ◗ University Baptist Church — Bloomington Glass Guild Holiday Show; 10am-5pm
ART ◗ TC Steele State Historic Site, Nashville — Member Art Show; 10am-5pm
WORKSHOP ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World Cultures — Native American Beading; 10am-4pm
ARTS & CRAFTS ◗ First United Church of Bloomington — 27th Annual Fiber Art Show & Sale; 10am-5pm
FAIR ◗ Holiday Inn — Bloomington’s Spirit Fair, Consult with psychics & tarot readers, Shop for New Age objects, Booths for numerology, astrology, reiki, crystal healing, and palmistry; Through Sunday, 10am-pm
ARTS & CRAFTS ◗ Bloomington Convention Center — Bloomington Handmade Market Holiday Sale, Featuring 48 regional artists & craftspeople; 10am-5pm
BOOKS ◗ Howard’s Bookstore — Author Terry Pinaud signs his book, “Chaos“; 11am-3pm
SPORTS ◗ IU Memorial Stadium — Hoosier football vs. Wisconsin; Noon
DEDICATION ◗ Monroe County Courthouse Square, East Side, The Redmen Building — Ceremony for the installation of the Susan B. Anthony historical marker plaque; 1pm
MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Bassoon Studio Recital: Students of Bill Ludwig & Kathleen McLean; 1pm
MUSIC ◗ IU Musical Arts Center Recital Hall — Master’s Recital: Steven Marquardt on trumpet; 1pm
STAGE ◗ IU Halls Theatre — Drama, “Spring Awakening“; 2pm
CELEBRATION ◗ Trained Eye Arts Center — The Big One: Trained Eye Arts 1-year Anniversary, Featuring live music, games, performers, studio open house; 3pm-Midnight
MUSIC ◗ IU Musical Arts Center Recital Hall — Senior Recital: Rico D. Hamilton, tenor; 3pm
STAGE ◗ IU Ivy Tech Waldron Center, Auditorium — Comedy, “Alfred Hitchcock’s 39 Steps“; 3pm
MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Voice Studio Recital: Students of Teresa Kubiak; 3pm
FILM ◗ IU Cinema — “Beau Travail,” Filmmaker Claire Denis will be present; 3pm
MUSIC ◗ IU Auer Hall — Artist Diploma Recital: Eun Young Seo on piano; 4pm
MUSIC ◗ IU Sweeney Hall — Master’s Recital: Matthew Peterson on jazz piano; 4pm
MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Harpsichord Studio Recital; 5pm
VETERANS DAY ◗ Bloomington High School South — “A Tribute to Elvis,” Live music, Proceeds go to Disabled Veterans Wish Foundation; 5:30-7:30pm
MUSIC ◗ IU Auer Hall — Violin Studio Recital: Students of Kevork Mardirossian; 6pm
FILM ◗ IU Fine Arts Theater — Ryder Film Series: “Two Angry Moms“; 6:45pm
MUSIC ◗ Muddy Boots Cafe, Nashville — Martha Burton; 7-9pm
LECTURE ◗ IU Cinema — Jorgensen Guest Filmmaker Series: French filmmaker Claire Denis; 7pm
MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Senior Recital: Jamie Kim on clarinet; 7pm
FILM ◗ IU Woodburn Hall Theater — Ryder Film Series: “17 Girls“; 7:15pm
STAGE ◗ IU Halls Theatre — Drama, “Spring Awakening“; 7:30pm
STAGE ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron Center, in the Rose Firebay — Drama, “The Rimers of Eldritch,” Presented by Ivy Tech Student Productions; 7:30pm
STAGE ◗ Bloomington High School North — Comedy/drama, “Ondine“; 7:30pm
PERFORMANCE ◗ Buskirk Chumley Theater — “A Potpourri of Arts in the African American Tradition,” Featuring the African American Dance Company, the African American Chorale Ensemble, and the IU Soul Revue; 8pm
MUSIC ◗ The Player’s Pub — Ritmos Unidos; 8pm
MUSIC ◗ IU Auer Hall — Baroque Orchestra, Stanley Ritchie, director; 8pm
MUSIC ◗ First Christian Church — “Masses & Madrigals: Ancient & Modern,” Performed by the Bloomington Chmaber Singers, Conducted by Gerald Sousa; 8pm
OPERA ◗ IU Musical Arts Center — “Cendrillon (Cinderella),” Presented by IU Opera Theater; 8pm
STAGE ◗ IU Ivy Tech Waldron Center, Auditorium — Comedy, “Alfred Hitchcock’s 39 Steps“; 8pm
COMEDY ◗ The Comedy Attic — Greg Hahn; 8pm
FILM ◗ IU Fine Arts Theater — Ryder Film Series: “Keep the Lights On“; 8:15pm
MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Piano Studio Recital: Students of Jean-Louis Haguenauer; 8:30pm
MUSIC ◗ IU Musical Arts Center Recital Hall — Senior Recital: Jisoo Kim on piano; 8:30pm
FILM ◗ IU Woodburn Hall Theater — Ryder Film Series: “All Together“; 8:45pm
MUSIC ◗ The Bluebird — Rod Tuffcurls & the Benchpress; 9pm
MUSIC ◗ Max’s Place — Piney Woods; 9pm
MUSIC ◗ The Bishop — Andy D album release party with Ursa Major, Beverly Bounce House, DJ Eade; 9:30pm
COMEDY ◗ The Comedy Attic — Greg Hahn; 10:30pm
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ONGOING:
ART ◗ IU Art Museum — Exhibits:
- “Paragons of Filial Piety,” by Utagawa Kuniyoshi; through December 31st
- “Intimate Models: Photographs of Husbands, Wives, and Lovers,” by Julia Margaret, Cameron, Edward Weston, & Harry Callahan; through December 31st
- “French Printmaking in the Seventeenth Century;” through December 31st
- Celebration of Cuban Art & Film: Pop-art by Joe Tilson; through December 31st
- “Threads of Love: Baby Carriers from China’s Minority Nationalities“; through December 23rd
- “Workers of the World, Unite!” through December 31st
- “Embracing Nature,” by Barry Gealt; through December 23rd
- “Pioneers & Exiles: German Expressionism,” through December 23rd
ART ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron Center — Exhibits through December 1st:
- “Essentially Human,” By William Fillmore
- “Two Sides to Every Story,” By Barry Barnes
- “Horizons in Pencil and Wax,” By Carol Myers
ART ◗ IU SoFA Grunwald Gallery — Exhibits through November 16th:
- Buzz Spector: Off the Shelf
- Small Is Big
ART ◗ IU Kinsey Institute Gallery — Exhibits through December 20th:
- “A Place Aside: Artists and Their Partners“
- “Gender Expressions“
ART ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World Cultures — Exhibits:
- “¡Cuba Si! Posters from the Revolution: 1960s and 1970s”
- “From the Big Bang to the World Wide Web: The Origins of Everything”
- “Thoughts, Things, and Theories… What Is Culture?”
- “Picturing Archaeology”
- “Personal Accents: Accessories from Around the World”
- “Blended Harmonies: Music and Religion in Nepal”
- “The Day in Its Color: A Hoosier Photographer’s Journey through Mid-century America”
- “TOYing with Ideas”
- “Living Heritage: Performing Arts of Southeast Asia”
- “On a Wing and a Prayer”
BOOKS ◗ IU Lilly Library — Exhibits:
- “The War of 1812 in the Collections of the Lilly Library“; through December 15th
- “A World of Puzzles,” selections from the Slocum Puzzle Collection
ARTIFACTS ◗ Monroe County History Center — Exhibits:
- Doctors & Dentists: A Look into the Monroe County Medical Professions
- What Is Your Quilting Story?
- Garden Glamour: Floral Fashion Frenzy
- Bloomington Then & Now
- World War II Uniforms
- Limestone Industry in Monroe County