Revolution For The Fun Of It
Who says all protest movements have to entail hardship, confrontation, possible arrest, and clunks on the head from cops’ billyclubs?
Ouch!
■
This coming Monday folks who object to the recent US Supreme Court decision to allow corporations to take a cafeteria approach to their responsibilities — Ooh, no, thank you, I don’t want to obey that law, I’ll have the other one over there — had planned to gather at the grand opening of the Hobby Lobby store in Burbank, California to, well, fk.
Now there’s a protest participants could really enjoy.
A noted Southern California political activist named Lauren Steiner scheduled the protest, originally called “Let’s Fuck Inside Hobby Lobby,” which, I imagine, didn’t sit well with the hall monitors of the various social media she was flogging (sorry) it on. Steiner and friends had talked of grandiose plans to have couples copulating here and there among the sock monkey fixin’s and Santa Claus figurines. Once finished with their statements of protest the couples were advised to, um, “leave a deposit” in the aisles of the heretofore shiny new store.
Steiner
■
Such civil disobedience, apparently, was too much for Twitter and Facebook, etc. and perhaps even for the local constabulary. Next thing you know, Steiner has renamed the event “Let’s Condom… er, Condemn Hobby Lobby at Their Burbank Grand Opening.”
Steiner describes herself thusly on her Twitter account: “I am a activist fighting to protect people and the planet from the greed of billionaires and transnational corporations.” Fair enough. She also, it appears, possesses a wicked sense of humor. Too bad she’s not going all in with the demonstration. Now, the event has been vanilla-fied to this:
To protest the recent Supreme Court decision which now gives privately held corporations the right to withhold four forms of contraception from its female employees based on the owners’ religious opposition to abortion, we will be doing a creative flash mob at the grand opening of the Burbank Hobby Lobby. To celebrate the beautiful sexual autonomy which people (but especially women) posses, people should feel free to simulate “sexual relations,” to use former President Clinton’s term, or dress up like giant condom or whatever the spirit moves you to do. Since male employees of Hobby Lobby are still entitled to insurance covered Viagra and vasectomies, please bring unused, unopened, viable condoms as presents for the male employees.
Please bring signs expressing your displeasure with this decision. “Boycott Hobby Lobby” “Impeach the Supreme Court” “What Happened to Separation of Church and State?” “Corporations Are Not People & They Don’t Have Religious Rights” etc.
Simulated sex? Bah. The people who run Hobby Lobby prob. figure that’s the way sex ought to be.
▼
The Thought Was There
This would have been the perfect spot to embed the scene from Woody Allen’s Everything You Wanted to Know about Sex* But Were Afraid to Ask where Allen and Louise Lasser, playing a bored Italian couple, spice up their love life by engaging in public sex. The scene shows them sneaking behind a hutch in a furniture store and proceeding to rattle it as if an earthquake is rolling through.
■
But, try as I might, I couldn’t find a clip of the scene. It seems every other scene is clipped on YouTube and elsewhere, but not that one. Bummer.
▼
Me, Lazy?
In flogging yesterday’s post on Facebook, as I generally do, I wrote:
■
Turns out I was selling myself short. I wasn’t so much lazy as flu-ridden. Yuck. What a revolting development in the middle of summer!
Anyway, that’s why today’s post is short as well.
▲
I meant to say this before: kudos to you for using f%&#* in place of, well, you know. I think it better befits a man of your intelligence and standing in the community. The public sphere is vulgar enough as it is. And I hope you’re feeling better soon. Tylenol and ask the Loved One to treat you like a king, but only for a few days. Don’t waste your money on that other junk. You can trust me, I was a Pharmacist!