The Electron Pencil

Problem Solved

One of the characteristics voters look for in a candidate is the ability to offer clear, defined solutions to problems.

D. Trump, for instance, is well-known for offering clear, defined solutions. Recently, he offered one solution that is so straightforward, so to-the-point, and so simple that it’s doubtful he’ll ever offer another so effective.

He said the following, in reference to the nearly unbearable problem of undocumented immigrants in this holy land, a problem that bedevils all of us, every day of the week, 24 hours a day, and that is so pernicious that many good Americans find life not worth living in this once-great nation anymore:

My first hour in office, these people are gone.

Clear. Defined. Simple. Straightforward. To-the-point. It is the apotheosis of the long list of D. Trump’s solutions. He’ll never be able to top this one.

In fact, it can be said it’s his Final Solution.

▼

Junkies

So, a part of Tornado Alley was rocked by a magnitude 5.6 earthquake this morning. The seismic rattle was centered underneath a point not far from Pawnee, Oklahoma.

Temblors, tremors, and other geo-jigglings once were fairly rare in that neighborhood, even though Oklahoma sits atop a spiderweb of fault lines. The lines are so minor, though, that slips and strikes of any appreciable size historically have been scarce there. The US Geological Survey report on the state’s earthquake history mentions eight judderings in all of the 20th Century.

In the 21st Century, though, this holy land’s fossil fuel industry has ramped up its fracking operations, with lots of them situated in the Sooner State. No doubt plenty of folks will be hollering about the greed of the oil companies digging these wells, which most scientific observers say probably weaken the sub-surface infrastructure surrounding them.

Far be it from me to defend greedy, corporately sociopathic outfits but I feel compelled to remind one and all that it is we — us, the sainted people, the salt of the Earth — who are, in the immortal words of petro-beneficiary George W. Bush, “addicted to oil.”

Gimme

●

We want it. Lots of it. Cheap, too. So much so we’ll happily go to war to insure unfettered access to the crude stuff sitting in reserves within the sovereign borders of other nations. And when we occasionally feel a tad skittish about killing countless civilian non-combatants, we simply finance proxy wars. Why, it’s the American way — let some other poor sucker do the dirty work.

Sure, oil co. CEOs and their bean counters are maniacally eager to blast maws into the crust of the planet and then shoot destructive floods of water into them in order to force out the recalcitrant shale oil hiding therein. Our collective reaction? Huzzah! We get more gas for our hot rods and the good money we pay for it stays right here at home.

Everybody wins.

Except when there’s an earthquake.

▼

Turtling

Some wise guy told me he nearly confused my high school graduation picture with a photo of “the lead singer of the Turtles.” I could have taken it as an insult; instead, I graciously accepted it as a ringing compliment. Here’s a pic of the Turtles:

The Turtles

●

That’s one lead singer, Mark Volman, second from the left, and the other, Howard Kaylan, center. You can argue that Simon & Garfunkel were the greatest Jewish act in rock ‘n roll history and you’d probably be right. But the runners-up for that title would have to be the Turtles. And Volman is proof positive that a fat man can still be cool and hip.

Anyway, here are the Turtles:

▲