Hot Air: Mighty Delusional

File under: People Believe What In The Hell Ever They Want

I heard a woman, a D. Trump supporter, being interviewed on the radio today. She was talking about the upcoming second debate between Hillary and Trump. She said she was sure Trump advisors have been telling him to go easy on certain topics and refrain from certain attacks because H. is a woman. “I’m so tired of that woman stuff,” the woman said.

She went on to brag about how strong she and her female friends are. Okay, that’s nice. I hear and read a lot of women’s pronouncements on soc. media about how strong they are. It’s important to keep in mind, though, that the more people go out of their way to tell you how strong/kind/patient/successful/generous/intellectual — you name the asset — they are, the less likely they are to believe it in their hearts. But, sure, she says she’s strong so I’ll take her at her word. I’ll bet she is, too, even if she doesn’t know it enough in her gut to refrain from trumpeting it on national radio. She told a revealing anecdote about going out on dates and ordering big juicy steaks, not because she wanted to eat steak but because she needed to be able to take the doggie bag home to her kids.

That’s all the proof I need of her strength.

Anyway, referring to herself and her female friends, she said, “We don’t do the cutesy things that Hillary was doing in that [first] debate where she was sitting there kind of flirting with the cameras and….”

The interviewer cut in and asked, incredulously, “Did you just say ‘flirting with the cameras’?”

“Oh my gosh, yes!” she said. “You saw it. She was like shaking her head and [she dips into a girlish voice a bit here] kind of flirting with the cameras, you know, trying to pull this sweetsie card. We don’t do that.”

screen-shot-2016-10-04-at-1-11-05-pm

Hillary?

●

Yeesh. If there’s one thing you can say about Hillary it’s that she is not — emphasis, stress and hammer over the head on not — flirtatious or “sweetsie.” In fact, lots o’folks don’t like her for that very reason. She doesn’t act enough like a girl for their antediluvian tastes.

Yet, somehow this woman, this interviewee, who fancies herself and her friends to be mighty individuals — and of course they are — and who you’d think would view Hillary as a role model, an exemplar of what a strong woman can do, completely counter-stereotypes her by calling her a girly-girl.

Weird, no?

And, natch, further proof that when people find it necessary to demonize others, the truth loses all its meaning.

▼

Calisthenics

Ross Gay and Matt Hart (among others) will be reading in a house-party poetry production a week from tomorrow, Wednesday, Oct 12. The event will be at the home of one of the big shots at Monster House Press, the soon-to-be officially nonprofit that has published Hart’s latest compilation, Radiant Companion.

screen-shot-2016-10-04-at-12-50-41-pm

Matt Hart

●

I had the pleasure of chatting with one of the scheduled poetry readers, her performance name is Eszi Waters, yesterday at the Book Corner. Waters confessed she was jittery about reading in public. We got into talking about those dreaded stretches every writer faces, when nothing seems to be coming out of your pen. She said she was afraid she might be in one even now.

I did my best to buck her up because that’s what we writers do. In fact, it can be said it’s what we do best and most often in our creative lives — that is, consoling each other. I shared with her a tip I used to offer back when I’d occasionally lecture high school and college students who fancied themselves writers. I got the idea back in the days when I traipsed around the Art Institute of Chicago on a more regular basis than I’d have preferred at the time (those would be days otherwise spent writing big stories that’d pay off handsomely, altogether too rare occurrences then). I noticed scads of art students sitting on benches in the various galleries, big sketchbooks on their laps, pieces of charcoal in their hands blackening their fingertips. They’d be drawing, faithfully, whatever great work of art was on the wall before them.

The students, I’d learn, had been assigned to copy the masterworks by their drawing teachers. The idea being the kids’d learn by rote how to shade and outline, how to position images, and — most important — how to coordinate their hands and eyes so they could stroke and dot seamlessly and without thinking. Man, I thought, that’s brilliant.

So, simply, I adapted the idea for writing. See, what I do is pick out one of my favorite pieces of writing, say the opening sequence in Truman Capote’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and just copy it verbatim. It’s a great way to deconstruct the author’s methods and processes. Copying down every single word, every punctuation mark, and seeing how she or he created rhythm and meter, harmony and flow, how the author revealed or concealed, was a more fine study than if I’d sat with some tutor trying to explain these things.

Not only that, the physical act of the writing was invaluable. The muscle memory I’d hone was similar to that of the violinist or pianist practicing her scales again and again every day of the week, every week of the year. Rather than let my keyboard-clacking fingers go slack, I’d have them always at the ready, primed for that glorious moment when the dreaded writers block would lift.

I even did the drill one year just before writing my first screenplay. I chose the script for the brilliant, sophisticated movie, Sweet Smell of Success, starring Burt Lancaster and Tony Curtis. Written by Clifford Odets, Ernest Lehman, and Alexander Mackendrick, the screenplay is violent even though physical mayhem is only hinted at. The wounding words of Lancaster’s J.J. Hunsecker and Curtis’s Sidney Falco are as shattering as sneak punches to the teeth.

burt-lancaster-left-and-t-006

J.J. Leashes Sidney

●

Examples:

  1. You’re dead, son. Go get yourself buried.
  2. Mr. Falco, let it be said at once, is a man of forty faces, not one, none too pretty and all deceptive. You see that grin? That’s the Charming Street Urchin face. It’s part of his helpless act — he throws himself upon your mercy. He’s got a half dozen faces for the ladies. But the one I like, the really cute one, is the Quick, Dependable Chap. Nothing he won’t do for you in a pinch, so he says. Mr. Falco, whom I did not invite to sit at this table tonight, is a hungry press agent, and fully up to all the tricks of his slimy trade.
  3. The next time you want information, don’t scratch for it like a dog; ask for it like a man.
  4. Everybody knows Manny Davis — except Mrs. Manny Davis.
  5. I love this dirty town.
  6. Son, I don’t relish shooting a mosquito with an elephant gun, so why don’t you just shuffle along?
  7. You’re an amusing boy, but you haven’t got a drop of respect for anything in human life.
  8. I often wish I were deaf and wore a hearing aid. With simple flick of the switch I could shut out the greedy murmur of little men.
  9. I like Harry but I can’t deny he sweats a little.

Merely typing out these words as well as the context in which they were wrapped instantly made me a better writer. Can I explain it further? No. If you’re a writer and you want to learn it, only doing it will do.

[Info: The poetry reading will be at 821 W. Wylie St. in Bloomington, Wednesday, Oct 12, at 7pm.]

▲

Hot Air: Impossible!

Storytellers

I confess: I fell in love today. Nah, don’t worry, we don’t have to keep this from The Loved One. I’ve already told her all about my new love. Or, really, loves.

Yup, I’m crazy about three people I met today recording this week’s edition of Big Talk. Joining me in the WFHB studios were the playwrights Gladys DeVane and Elizabeth Watford-Mitchell and the director Danielle Bruce. Their opus, Resilience: Indiana’s Untold Story, opens the weekend after next at the John Waldron Arts Center. They’re fully awash in the madness that is the run-up to opening night but they happily joined me to talk about their play, themselves, and the seemingly intractable dilemma of race in this holy land.

screen-shot-2016-10-03-at-9-48-36-pm

(From Left) DeVane, Bruce & Watford-Mitchell

●

Resilience is the story — or, more accurately, stories — of dark-skinned people in Indiana, purportedly a free state when it was admitted to the Union in 1816. In reality, though, many Hoosiers were virtual slaves as slaveholders dug into a bag of tricks to “own” other human beings. Gladys and Liz’s multimedia production reveals the rich variety of black and brown lives that have come and gone in Indiana these last 200 years.

And, once again, I’m going to have a hell of a time trying to cut a 70-minute interview down to eight minutes for my weekly Big Talk feature on the Daily Local News. The good thing is you’ll be able to catch the entire, uncut chat right here on The Pencil after the feature runs in three days.

So, while you wait, make sure to catch last week’s tête-à-tête with IU Eskanazi Art Museum director David Brenneman and stay tuned for next week’s show featuring Betsy Stirrat, director of IU’s Grunwald Gallery. Betsy’s busy mounting a new exhibit at the Grunwald, entitled (Re)Imagining Science. It’ll feature works by research scientists and artists focusing on the subjects of their investigations.

[Big Links: The David Brenneman feature and the full-length chat with him.]

Big Talk Logo Usable Screen Shot

Talk to you Thursday.

▼

Now The Fun (Not To Mention The Worrying) Begins

For the second year in a row Major League Baseball schedulers have placed my beloved Cubs in Cincinnati for the Reds’ season ending series and so, like last year, I was there for the final game yesterday.

My boys (and, honestly, I can’t wait for the day when I’ll be able to type “my boys and girls” — trust me, that day is coming sooner rather than later) are now about to embark on the most promising post-season of my lifetime. After having won 103 games — that’s their first time over the century mark since 1935 and only the sixth time in their 140-year history — the Cubs seem a lock to bring home the World Series championship trophy for the first time since 1908.

That, kiddies, is the longest championship drought for any professional sports team in North American history.

Should they indeed win it all, they will be assumed into heaven en masse even as they tumble in celebratory glee onto to Wrigley Field grass after having dispatched whichever opponent (probably the Boston Red Sox, although I wouldn’t count the Cleveland Indians out to win the American League pennant.)

Sneak a peek at this little slideshow:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Now, be patient with me as I chew my fingernails for the next four weeks or so: The Cubs open the playoffs Friday at home against either the New York Mets (you can bet Joe Varga‘s happy as a clam) or the San Francisco Giants.

▼

Dreaming 

Well, sure, this old chestnut from the Broadway musical Man of La Mancha fits, doesn’t it? My beloved Cubs winning the World Series — impossible! But I can dream, can’t I?

The song became a cultural touchstone in the mid and late ’60s. Bobby Kennedy adopted it as the theme song for his hasty, furious — and, yeah, Quixotic — campaign for president in 1968. Acc’d’g to lore, Sen George McGovern, accompanied by a recording of the song by Andy Williams, intro’d Bobby at a campaign event. It was one of Bobby’s favorite tunes. Bobby asked McGovern after the event if the song was appropriate, inasmuch as it celebrates an unachievable goal. McGovern told Bobby all the idealistic young people in the audience were eager to strive for something even if it was…, well, impossible. Bobby nodded. “That’s what I think,” he said. And so the song was used at subsequent campaign events.

The song has been recorded by a dizzying olio of artists, including Frank Sinatra, Jim Nabors (“Gomer Pyle”), The Temptations, Glen Campbell, Cher, the Smothers Brothers (no lie!), Elvis Presley, Luther Vandross, and even Christopher Lee (yep, Dracula himself).

Y’know what? I agree with both George McGovern and Bobby Kennedy — it’s very nearly holy to dream of and strive for a goal that by all appearances seems absurd. Call me a dreamer.

Hot Air: In & Out, Burghers

Tune Out, Turn Off, Drop Out

I haven’t listened to NPR’s Morning Edition once this week. Frankly, I’m burned out on the election. I simply had no desire to hear anything having to do with it, especially during his first-debate week. The next three or so weeks also will be rhetorical swamps, what with the VP debate scheduled for next week and then Hillary v. That Jerk, pts. II & III, to follow.

Oh, I read my New York Times daily, sure, assiduously avoiding all election articles. But I’m just sick to death of the campaign in a way I’ve never been before. Perhaps it has a little to do with the fact that I’m not head-over-heels in love with Hillary, although I am indeed head-over-heels in detestation over that other guy. To be sure, I find my vote for Hillary this Nov. to be the most important ballot I’ve ever cast in a presidential beauty contest, even if I am lukewarm about her.

It’s sad, though, that our political system has devolved thusly. I’d like to think we’ve reached the nadir, with the ascendance and — hopefully — dramatic and complete downfall of He Who Shall Not Be Named. But who knows?

Who’s the next loon to come down the pike and galvanize a big enough swath of know-nothings to gain a major party’s nomination for president? If that so-and-so turns out to be even more ludicrous a possibility than one D. Trump (shoot, I named him — dang!) Im going to have to smash my radio against the wall.

●

Theo Does The Right Thing

Then again…. How much do I love my Cubs? This much: Team president Theo Epstein, architect of the current assemblage that’s won more than a hundred games already this year and appears to be an unstoppable high-speed train hurtling toward the team’s first World Series victory in 108 years, is a Hillary supporter.

100-most-powerful-048-theo-epstein

Theo

[Image: Phil Velasquez/Chicago Tribune]

●

Yep. Chicago Sun-Times columnist Michael Sneed has the exclusive today. She writes:

Theo Epstein and his family showed up unexpectedly at a Hillary Clinton fundraiser in Chicago on Thursday night, tossed her his support, and wrote her a personal check for her presidential campaign coffers.

“He (Epstein), who has magically turned the Chicago Cubs into the main event, met with Clinton privately and told her he was lending his support,” said a top Sneed source.

The Cubs president is bucking, in a way, his bosses — at least some of them. The Cubs are owned by the Ricketts family. Patriarch Joe Ricketts founded TD Ameritrade, a ginormous online stock brokerage with 6.6 million clients and handling nearly $700 billion in customer dough. The old man is a notorious right winger. He’s a tax-obsessive who helped found and run several tax and wasteful-spending watchdog groups that carry a lot of weight in Washington. Old Joe is of the opinion that Barack Obama is one of the worst things to happen to this holy land at least since the great 1918 flu pandemic. The Cubs are run by Joe’s kids, Tom, Pete, Laura and Todd, three of whom are right-ish to one degree or another. OTOH, daughter Laura, an out lesbian, is a known supporter of progressive causes.

In any case, Theo joining Hillary’s team makes me happy. Here’s hoping I get to celebrate two great victories over the crucial two-week period in late October and early November.

●

More Big Talk

Yesterday’s guest on Big Talk was IU Eskanazi Art Museum director David Brenneman. We had a ball in the studio together Monday afternoon. He’s one of the most dynamic, magnetic people you’ll ever want to meet. The word joie was coined for him.

Big Talk Logo Usable Screen Shot

Here’s the link to the Thursday WFHB Daily Local News feature with him and here’s the one for my Big Talk page, where you’ll find the Big Track — the largely-unedited, nearly-full-length interview I had with David. Enjoy.

Next week, my guests will be Danielle Burns and Liz Mitchell. Danielle directs the production, Resilience: Indiana’s Untold Story, co-written by Liz (along with Gladys DeVane), that will run October 14-16 at the John Waldron Arts Center. Resilience is a multimedia presentation recounting the black experience in the Hoosier State. Scads o’folks hardly even know there was a black experience in IN. Tune in next Thursday and find out about it.

screen-shot-2016-09-30-at-11-44-15-am

Danielle Bruce

▲

 

Hot Air: Godwin’s Law, 1994-2016

I thought I’d try a little experiment. Play along with me.

Here are a few snippets from a newspaper article that ran this week, almost verbatim,

  1. How did Donald J. Trump — described by one eminent magazine editor in 2013 as a “half-insane rascal,” a “pathetic dunderhead,” a “nowhere fool,” a “big mouth” — rise to power in the land of Harper Lee and Bob Dylan? What persuaded millions of ordinary Americans to embrace him and his doctrine of hatred?
  2. Some have focused on the social and political conditions in 21st Century America, which Trump expertly exploited — bitterness over the wealth gap and Wall Street excesses and a yearning for a return to American greatness; unemployment and economic distress amid the worldwide Great Recession; and longstanding ethnic prejudices and fears of immigration.
  3. Trump is often described as an egomaniac who “only loves himself” — a narcissist with a taste for self-dramatization and what one commentator calls a “characteristic fondness for superlatives.” His manic speeches and penchant for taking all-or-nothing risks raises questions about his capacity for self-control, even his sanity.

Got it? Okay, here’s the big reveal: The above paragraphs are taken from Michiko Kakutani’s review of Volker Ullrich’s new biography, just released this month as a first volume of what is expected to be a two-volume set. The review ran in this week’s New York Times Book Review. Its title, Hitler: Ascent 1889-1939.

All I’ve done is substitute D. Trump’s name for Hitler’s and tweaked a few references to make the things sound contemporary.

If I still had hair, it’d be standing on end.

Now, don’t get me wrong. D. Trump is not Hitler. Nobody ever was, is or will be. The man locked in a virtual first-place tie with Joseph Stalin as the vilest member of our species to breathe air in the 20th Century was, and for the foreseeable future will be, the sine qua non of human malignancy.

Countless historians — and Ullrich’s effort is, by one estimation, merely the 23rd full-length, respected literary treatment of the life of the leader of the Third Reich — have delved into the mind of both Hitler and the German people in a thus-far unrequited effort to grasp how such a loon could become, arguably, the most important person in modern history. Another two dozen learned books on Hitler’s sundry medical conditions, three books on his diet (he was a vegetarian), 45 books about Germany and Europe in mid-century that are primarily dependent upon him as a focus, another 34 books that without his existence never would have needed to be written, and countless histories, recaps and recounts of World War II whose subject matter arose directly out of his actions and agency grace our world’s libraries.

And I’m only counting respectable, historically valid treatises written in English.

Pretty much all of them have come to the same conclusion about Hitler as the above paragraphs indicate Ullrich has. And yet, those grafs perfectly describe the man running for United States president on the Republican Party ticket in the year 2016.

Will Trump round up undesirables in concentration camps? No. Will he send Americans armies into Canada, Mexico, the Caribbean, and Central and South America so as to expand our lebensraum? No.

But will he sanction the burning of books? Perhaps. Will he turn Americans against each other? He already has. Will he employ clever and sophisticated propagandists to desecrate facts? Sure — he’s tapped into the Fox News bushwa machine and hired the likes of Roger Ailes, Paul Manafort, and Roger Stone to help him craft a message of mendacity.

screen-shot-2016-09-29-at-8-56-45-am

Roger Stone, Trump’s Goebbels

[Image: Platon/The New Yorker]

●

I hereby declare Godwin’s Law dead. It’s as useful to us in these days of demagoguery and charlatanism as an Emily Post etiquette manual. Calling George W. Bush or Hillary Clinton Hitler — or even making the slightest reference to any similarities between contemporary figures and history’s greatest villain — usually is silliness of the highest order. Identifying the glaring psychological similarities between the Fuhrer and D. Trump is simply iterating the obvious.

▲

Hot Air: Yak, Yak, Yak

Did you learn anything last night?

Wait, lemme answer that. No, you didn’t.

The debate between the the major party candidates for the presidency was nothing more than disposable entertainment. Monitoring soc. med., I found the most important revelation to emerge from the hour-and-a-half pissing match was the certainty that D. Trump is a cocaine addict.

screen-shot-2016-09-27-at-8-34-42-am

Obsessive Sniffler & Water Gulper

●

At least that’s what the yodelers in my particular echo chamber were singing.

Is it any wonder why I refuse to watch candidate debates?

People say, Yeah, but what about Lincoln/Douglas?

To which I reply the L/D tugs of words actually served an important purpose in those pre-mass media days. With no TV, radio or internet, and with a very few citizens actually being able to read newspapers, the two major party candidate for United States Senator from Illinois had to do a grand tour of their state in order for at least some hundreds or thousands of voters to be able to ascertain what in the hell they were running for.

Today we can view photos of the insides of a candidate’s bowels if she or he’d recently had a colonoscopy (that is, except for D. Trump — then again, he proudly but inadvertently displays offal views of himself every time he steps before a camera but, y’know.) We’re familiar with pretty much every single solitary thing there is to know about where a candidate stands including, in Hillary’s case, what her recipe for oatmeal-chocolate chip cookies is — or was.

And, BTW, here’s the horribly offensive quote that led to Hillary, a quarter of a century ago, demeaning herself before those noted political scientists, the editors of Family Circle magazine:

I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas, but what I decided to do was to fulfill my profession, which I entered before my husband was in public life.

I like that Hillary one hell of a lot more than the one who eventually genuflected before the Fam. Circ. brain trust and the mag’s huffy readers who saw her stance as an unforgivable insult to them.

In any case, we know everything we need to know plus ten times that amount of info we have no business knowing regarding anyone and everyone who’s running for president.

So, I saved myself a lot of stomach-churning and blood pressure spikes by not watching the debate and — guess what — I still know just as much as you do about D. Trump and Hillary.

[Big Mike note: Just in case you need it, here’s the New York Times transcript of last night’s prate orgy.]

▼

Big Talk

I had IU Eskanazi Art Museum director David Brenneman in the WFHB studios yesterday afternoon, taping this week’s edition of Big Talk and, I’ll tell you, I’ve haven’t met a more effusive, happy-to-be-here kind of guy in more decades than I care to remember. Basically, the dude’s just thrilled to pieces to be alive.

screen-shot-2016-09-27-at-8-30-41-am

This Week’s Big Talker: David Brenneman

●

The interview was a rollick and the only negative thing about it is I have to edit it down from 45 minutes to eight. Big Talk is a regular Thursday feature on WFHB’s Daily Local News. As always, go to The Pencil’s Big Talk page for past editions as well as the almost-unedited, nearly-full-length recordings of the original interviews. And this week, I’ll be running the first in a new weekly series of written interviews with my radio guests on Limestone Post online magazine. Stayed tuned for links as they become available.

▼

Talk To Ya Later

The ’80s and L.A. — what a simultaneously terrifying and alluring combination. The Tubes, natch.

 

Hot Air: The Squared Circle

So, the cage match is tonight. D. (The Greatest American) Trump vs. Hillary (The Murderer) Clinton.

I’ve heard and read upwards of a hundred million people will be watching the big debate tonight Here’s the morning line on the outcome: The winner will be…

636016449010869124-635811137354580891-afp-545610443

The Murderer Demonstrates Her Death Grip and…

●

mpkqo2vz5b4an4q5gnf6

…The Greatest American Creams A Guy In A Suit

●

… whomever you’re voting for.

Yeah. Go with the form book. One thing you can always count on, the winner of a debate will be the guy (and now, gal) you support.

Anyway, I won’t be watching because just looking at D. Trump turns my stomach. Anything he says, ergo, is likely to spur me into a projectile vomiting jag. Truth is, I’ve never watched a presidential debate. I find it a waste of time. I read about it the day after in the papers. That’s all I need. Hell, the New York Times regularly runs a transcript of the presidential debate the next day. Besides, there’ll be a Cubs game on TV at the same time. I know my priorities.

And — hey — my beloved Cubs over the years have spurred me into jags of projectile vomiting many a time. Now they’re the best team in baseball, so I’m going enjoy them while I can.

Keep in mind TV images — especially, but not limited to, those in presidential debates — are all too often the products of creative stagecraft, well applied facial makeup, and the producers’ knowledge of precisely what the viewer wants to see and hear.

Somebody wrote an op-ed somewhere online today saying Hillary’s team is hoping for Trump to blow his stack as some point or another. As if that’ll convince a huge swath of the tens of millions who support him to switch ponies as they make the first turn.

Damned fools. If Trump bullies Hillary — say he explodes and calls her a fat-assed liar to her face — his supporters’ll experience spontaneous orgasms (or organisms, as one soc. med. poster mis-typed last week). He’ll have won even as members of Hillary’s brain trust are busy patting themselves on the back.

But back to TV. I’m not telling you anything when I say pretty much everything on your flat screen is smoke and mirrors. You know that already. Yet you’re still going to watch the debate in the hope your candidate’s unassailable logic, cool and calm demeanor, and sensible pants suit ensemble will triumph over Trump.

Silly.

Truth, facts, unassailable logic, and all the rest of that rational bushwa mean nothing to TV viewers. I was reading Nate Silver’s book, The Signal and the Noise, at the end of the summer. In Chap. 4, he writes about the weather forecasting racket, comparing the predictions of the National Weather Service, AccuWeather, and the Weather Channel. (It turns out, BTW, all three fall within a comfortable range of accuracy when it comes to forecasting the next day or two but quickly fall apart when called on to see further than half a week into the future.) At a certain point, Silver reveals that TV producers have no interest in whether their weather forecasters are, well, good at what they do.

One weatherhead tells Silver, “There’s not an evaluation of accuracy in hiring meteorologists. Presentation takes precedence over accuracy.”

And why is that? Another weather critter explains: “Accuracy is not a big deal to viewers.”

Huh. Who’d’a figured.

Well anybody who knows anything about TV and its blithely flatlining audience would’a figured.

Silver writes about several ways TV weather men and bunnies fudge reality so their viewers can go to sleep fat and happy. Here’s one trick — when’s the last time you heard your local TV weather person call for a 50 percent chance of showers tomorrow? You’d expect to hear that quite a lot, but you don’t. Silver writes:

[T]he for-profit weather forecasters rarely predict exactly a 50 percent chance of rain, which might seem wishy-washy and indecisive to consumers. Instead, they’ll flip a coin and round up to 60, or down to 40, even though this makes the forecasts both less accurate and less honest.

It gets worse. It turns out local weatherbeings factor in a “wet bias” to their forecasts. Here’s why. TV weather women and men have learned that when they are wrong about a sunny forecast, when it rains on what was expected to be a dazzlingly clear 4th of July, say, viewers get teed off. Their picnics and parades are ruined and the potato salad gets all runny. Yet, if those weather seers predict rain for the 4th and it turns out to be dry and clear, viewers are thrilled to pieces, as if they’d gotten a reprieve.

So, what do they do? Local weather forecasters, and even some national ones, artificially bump up their chance of rain predictions so as to cover their asses and gain that slight modicum of good feeling from their viewers should their gloomy forecasts turn out to be sunny days. The Weather Channel, Silver writes, admits to this trickery, goosing their rain chance figures by ten to fifteen percent and more.

“The attitude,” Silver writes, ” seems to be that this is all in good fun — who cares if there’s a little wet bias, especially if it makes for better television?”

Movies, too, are cesspools of untruths and planned inaccuracies. That’s why I tend to stay away from biopics. They’re invariably as close to the truth as a philandering Hollywood mogul is when asked by his wife to explain why his shirt smells of woman’s cologne. The last biopic I saw was The Imitation Game, a somewhat fanciful telling of the life and work of brilliant British mathematician and World War II code-breaker Alan Turing. In the movie, his superior, Naval Commander Alastair Denniston is portrayed as a stuffy old fuddy duddy who constantly threw roadblocks in front of him because his methods were so unconventional.

In reality, though, Denniston was Turing’s champion and did everything he could to facilitate the mathematician’s offbeat proposals. I wrote in these precincts that if I were a descendent of Cmdr. Denniston, I’d be mightily red-assed about the whole thing. Hell, I’d consider it a slander upon my grandfather or great-uncle’s or whatever’s good and well-earned name. I actually pontificated on this specific topic herein once already.

Funny thing, one of my loyal Pencillistas actually wrote in that I was a dope for belly-aching about that inaccuracy. The re-drawm Cmdr. Denniston fit the dramatic arc of the movie better and why’d I have to go trying to ruin it for him, the commenter?

Smoke and mirrors, untruths, inaccuracies, even flat-out lies — Americans today prefer them to the unvarnished truth. They’ll be thrilled tonight.

▼

Somebody To Love

Great song, and the first line is perfect for today’s post: When the truth is found / To be lies.

▲

Hot Air: Talk Is Cheap…

… Free, Even

Yesterday’s Big Talk featured IU Bicentennial archivist Kristin Leaman-Morris. A big gang of folks on campuses throughout Indiana has been preparing for the university’s 200th anniversary since 2008. Leaman-Morris joined the effort earlier this year and already is hard at work archiving — among many other bits, pieces, snippets, fragments and objets d’art — audio recordings of faculty, students, administrators, and support staff for a massive legacy oral history project. The “legacy” aspect means it’ll be an ongoing concern even after the bicent. festivities are finished. IU will turn 200 in the year 2020.

screen-shot-2016-09-23-at-12-59-45-pm

●

Kristin talks about some fascinating folk who’ve made up the IU community over the years, including the university’s first black and female zoology school student. Her case illustrates how times and attitudes have changed, even in this bastion of liberal education. Click here for the WFHB Daily Local News Big Talk feature and here for The Pencil’s Big Talk page, on which you’ll find a fairly full-length, almost unedited version of the original interview with Kristin.

Remember, Big Talk runs on the Daily Local News every Thursday at 5:45pm. Next week’s guest will be IU Eskanazi Art Museum director David Brennaman.

▼

Hell’s About To Freeze Over

Oh, dear me: the boys and men I love, including Kyle Schwarber, Anthony Rizzo, Carl Edwards, Jr. and manager Joe Maddon all made appearances on Stephen Colbert’s Late Night gabfest yesterday.

Colbert donned sunglasses and phony mustache and goatee, slung a Vienna Beef hot dogs Sterno’d vendor’s box over his shoulders and actually peddled wienies at Wrigley Field earlier this week.

●

It’s funny stuff, although I was too busy mooning over my guys to be guffawing much, mang.

▼

Choco-porn

Okay, so Edison was a great inventor, sure, but did he invent chocolate? No?

screen-shot-2016-09-23-at-1-06-34-pm

Greater Than The Light Bulb

●

Then get in line behind the person or persons who did, Thomas Alva.

▼

Black Like Them

That photo of people traipsing around Lotusfest in blackface last weekend is still making the rounds. The photog who snapped the shot is trying to distance her/himself from it these days even though s/he posted in on her/his social media page earlier in the week.

I spoke with the pic snapper yesterday and learned that some commenters raised a stink about the photo, saying s/he (the photographer) had no way of knowing if the designer-handbag-carrying, possibly-overserved group was making some inappropriate racial statement. The photog told me that s/he asked one of the women what was going on. The woman replied, “Don’t I look black as fuck?”

Steve Volan is carrying the torch for the snap now that it’s been erased from the photographer’s social media page.

screen-shot-2016-09-23-at-1-21-39-pm

Black As Fuck

●

My take? Even if the black-facers were as innocent as lambs and had absolutely no intention of insulting dark-skinned people, they should be sensitive enough to know, in this day and age, that blackface is a slap in the face.

Look, I’m as close to a 1st Amendment absolutist as you’ll find in a day’s walk but when you go around in blackface, you’d better expect the resultant rhetorical ass-kicking you most certainly deserve.

▼

Black Boys/White Boys

From the original Broadway cast recording of “Hair.” This was the first album I ever bought with my own money, back when I was 14 years old. Somehow the figure $1.25 sticks in my mind, that being — IIRC — the SRP for vinyl LPs in those paleo-days of 1970.

One of the white female cast members singing the paean to “chocolate-flavored love” was none other than Diane Keaton. She first gained fame as the only woman not to remove her clothing during the song that closed Act I, wherein the cast appeared nude. Stripping down nekkid was optional for cast members although the producers provided a $50 bonus for those who would. Keaton opted not to and became known as “the chick who wouldn’t take her clothes off.” She parlayed that notoriety into a successful audition for one of the female leads in Woody Allen’s Broadway play and, later, film, Play It Again, Sam.

▲

Hot Air: The Good, The Bad, And The Unholy

Citizen Lawmaker

Love ‘im or hate ‘im — and there are plenty of partisans on either side of that fence — there’s no denying Steve Volan adores his work as a municipal legislator. That, and he’s got a crush on this sprawling megalopolis. He gives his all for the cause of city government.

screen-shot-2016-09-22-at-10-28-34-am

Volan

●

And now he’s sharing some of his voluminous knowledge thereof. His Councilmanic web site is a must read. His latest blast, posted yesterday, explains how kooky intersections and crumbling curbs get prioritized. His elucidation answers the age-old question: Why the hell don’t they fix… (fill in the blank.)

Natch, people want whatever problem they’re looking at this very moment to be fixed, eliminated, or at least verbally addressed. Steve reminds us that cities and town have budgets to do a mere fraction of these patches and replacements so odds are the busted-up concrete or death-defying crosswalk you’re staring at isn’t on the schedule for remediation at this moment.

So, add Councilmanic to the Big Mike-endorsed list of fab blogs & sites you, loyal Pencillista, should consult daily. In fact, here’s the list (and if I forget one, I’ll flog it at a later date):

Which reminds me — remember when blogrolls were de rigueur features of blogs? They’ve gone the way of chat rooms, bulletin boards, twerking, and Gangnam style.

▼

Naked Lunchbreak

I was just reminded in a conversation (don’t ask me how, it was an indescribably circuitous path) that my maternal grandfather, Vincenzo Parello, worked in the Sicilian sulfur mines as a nine-year-old.

Let me repeat that: he was nine goddamned years old, toiling away in the bowels of the Earth from sunup to sundown. Yeesh.

And get this — he had to work in the nude. Why? The sulfur and other caustic stuffs would actually eat away at workers clothing so that it was determined the wearing of duds was cost prohibitive. Oh, and the temp in the mines often reached 113℉ with 100% humidity. Kid’s stuff, eh?

img_20150401_103948

Sicilian Sulfur Miners

●

Hey, who needs workplace regulations?

▼

Pulling No Punches

University press editor and exactitude maven Renaldo Migaldo points out this screed in GQ mag directed against those tens of millions of misguided souls who’ll vote for D. Trump this Nov.:

screen-shot-2016-09-22-at-10-00-21-am

Click On Image For Full Article

●

Sure, there are those who are four-square in favor of the grifting uber-materialist but, the author of the piece asks, what of those who are considered swing voters this year? What kind of logic are they employing? Here’s a snippet from the piece:

Note to the people causing the polls to fluctuate: What the fuck is wrong with you? I gotta meet the five percent of people who saw Hillary come down with pneumonia and were like, “Forget her, gimme the dictator with dryer lint hair.”

Article author Drew Magary comes to this unhappy conclusion:

And so I’d just like to say to that portion of the electorate: Fuck you. No, seriously. Go fuck yourselves. I’m not gonna waste any more time trying to convince you that you’re about to do something you’ll regret forever. I’m not gonna show you old clips of Trump saying rotten things. I’m not gonna try to ANNIHILATE Trump by showing you records of his hypocrisy and greed. I’m not gonna link to a John Oliver clip and be like, “THIS. So much this.” Nothing’s gonna take down Trump at this point, so I’m not gonna bother. No no, this post is for ME. I am preaching to the sad little choir in my soul here.

Lemme add to this Keith Olbermann’s laundry list of some of D. Trump’s most recent sins, venial and cardinal, a task that takes him 17 minutes and 24 seconds and encompasses 176 line items, presented on GQ‘s The Closer podcast.

screen-shot-2016-09-22-at-11-04-47-am

Click On Image For Full Video

●

Olbermann calls him ” the most dangerous individual ever nominated by a major party for the highest office in this country.”

To that I add, the first certified, bona fide, incompetent, indubitable jerk ever to entertain the a real hope of leading us into a very bleak future.

The point of all this? It doesn’t matter one single little bit if D. Trump wins or loses this fall. The very fact that tens of millions of anencephalics are gaga over him is prima facie evidence we, as a nation, are fucked.

▼

America’s Fantasy Industrial Complex

Theater big shot and Columbia College instructor Albert Williams has found, perhaps, the reason mega-many Murricans are in thrall to this previously risible reprobate. Williams quotes The Guardian writer Ben Fountain who posits that Americans are living in a nightmare alternative to the American dream wherein:

[The] numbed-out, dumbed-down, make-believe world where much of the national consciousness resdies, the sum product of our Fantasy Industrial Complex: movies, TV, internet, texts, tweets, ad saturation, celebrity obsession, sports obsession, Amazonian sewers of porn and political bullshit, the entire onslaught of media and messaging that strives to separate us from our brains…. Most of the time most Americans don’t know what’s real anymore. How else to explain Donald Trump, a billionaire on an ego trip….

Phew.

 

Babies, I gotta go wash my mind and soul out with strong bleach or else I’ll be looking to stick my head in the oven late tonight. Come Nov. if the Orange-utan wins the election, it’ll take a lot more than bleach to set me right.

▲

Hot Air: Bad Science

Lying Liars

This enrages me. Who are/were these scientist/pimps? Let’s call them out and subject them to public ridicule. If they’re still alive. (If not, let’s cross our fingers and hope they’re frying in hell.)

Back in the 1960s, the sugar industry paid scientific researchers to essentially skew studies to show how swell sweet-laden junk food was. One of the ways sugar lobbyists, flacks, greedy CEOs, and their coatholders in Congress and the research community employed to shift bad pub away from sweet stuff was to pin the blame for our body ills on saturated fats. Here’s how the New York Times reported recent findings into that unholy PR campaign:

… [I]nternal sugar industry documents, recently discovered by a researcher at the University of California, San Francisco, and published Monday [September 12, 2016] in JAMA Internal Medicine, suggests that five decades of research into the role of nutrition and heart disease, including many of today’s dietary recommendations, may have been largely shaped by the sugar industry.

Well, whaddya know?

domino-sugar

Health Food

●

JAMA Internal Medicine, a specialized publication of the American Medical Association, is one of the industry bibles of the sawbones set. The AMA is about as establishment as a gang can be. If the AMA comes down hard on another establishment gang, well, hell, you know the accused must be guilty of the foulest and most blatant deeds.

And the sugar industry sure reeks now.

The sugar gang spread the word that candy and soda pop and every other comestible overflowing with what we now know are hugely addictive -oses were actually good for you and your spawn. At one point, acc’d’g to Wonkette, the sugarists engaged in a startling fiction:

…[C]andy makers were funding studies that claimed that children who eat candy tend to weigh less than those who do not.

Wow. What kind of idiots do they think we are/were? (Don’t answer that.)

Wonkette, appropriately editorializes:

Can you even imagine the low obesity rates among children who eat methamphetamine?

It makes me scarlet enough to realize what cheating, lying, manipulative jerks sugar industry nabobs were.  But I have an even hotter rage for the scientists who participated in this disinformation campaign. In this day and age of anti-intellectualism and pooh-poohing of scientific research and knowledge, any hint that our university and industry investigators are playing fast and loose with the truth can only hurt us. Bad.

This sugar business no doubt will serve as ammunition in the know-nothings’ endless campaign against science and facts. Sadly, the know-nothings these days seem to be winning.

▼

Furthermore…

Here’s the JAMA Internal Medicine report, cited above.

screen-shot-2016-09-20-at-10-31-07-am

Click On Image For Full Report

●

And here’s a list — certainly not comprehensive — of issues we must grapple with these days, and for which we depend on honest scientists to provide dependable, accurate information:

  • General nutrition
  • GMOs
  • Climate change
  • Nuclear weapons proliferation
  • Nuclear energy
  • Renewable energy
  • Drinking water
  • Evolution
  • Vaccines
  • Agricultural production
  • Drug-resistant bacteria
  • Fracking
  • Race
  • Alternative medicine
  • Organics and “natural” foods

Hell, I can go on all day. Suffice it to say our scientists provide us with vital dope that can affect every single aspect of our lives. They’d damned well better not be fudging the facts just to earn a tainted paycheck.

It’s as if we were to discover cops were taking bribes to allow extortionists and cocaine dealers to ply their trades unmolested. Or Congresscritters were raking in bushels of cash from the very industries they are charged with regulating.

Hmm. I suppose scientists are, well…, people, too.

▼

Uncut

I screwed up big time Sunday, doing something that put me at risk to develop a monster infection had we gone through with surgery yesterday AM. Doc McKeen shook his head as he examined me in the pre-op room, where I’d already been shaved bald, IV’d, and given a dose of heparin.

“It’s a slight chance,” he said, “but we’re going to put a foreign object in your body. If an infection develops, it’ll be rough. It’ll be a long process of recovery. We might even have to go back in there. We can shoot you up with antibiotics but even that might not prevent an infection from developing.”

And with that, he advised me to dress up, put my earring back in, and go home. To that point, I’d been adamant about going through with the operation then and there. I asked him, “What would you do if you were I?”

“I just told you what I would do,” he said. And that was good enough for me.

screen-shot-2016-09-20-at-11-02-04-am

Staphylococcus Aureus

●

So, I put my clothes back on and apologized to everyone in the pre-surgery area. I apologized to Doc McKeen. “I hope,” I said, “you weren’t counting on this job to make your mortgage payment for October. If so, you can stay with us.”

He laughed. In fact, everybody told me I shouldn’t apologize. But the truth is I’d felt as though I taken a spot — for naught — that another patient might have needed.

Sometimes I can do a damned fine job of fking up.

In any case, my window to be laid up for a week or two has now closed. By the looks of things, I won’t be able to undergo the surgery until after the first of the year.

My penance? As my body hair grows back in over the next few weeks, I will be miserable. Mea culpa.

▼

Same Old, Same Old

Listening to coverage of the homemade bombs scattered around the NYC area yesterday, I became annoyed as all hell.

Even NPR, a news source I trust more than any other (although I trust it only as far as I can spit), has a template for covering these kinds of events. The textbook questions for the woman and man on the street drive me up a wall.

You know, the old joke about the newspaper reporter asking the couple whose house is going up in flames how they feel about it still holds true in today’s digital age.

The NPR All Things Considered host asked the reporter in New York the following: “You’ve also been talking with New Yorkers today, getting their reactions to all of this. How are people dealing with it?”

That question alone made my hair stand on end. I mean, what possible news value can such a question have? Are New Yorkers all over the metropolitan area leaping out of tall buildings in panic? That’d be news. Are suicide hot lines being flooded by folks in despair? Tell me about it.

But that is not now, nor has it ever been, how people react to terrorism or even bombings in wartime. Naturally, the NPR reporter found nothing noteworthy. Here’s his response:

Well, we spoke with one office worker in Manhattan who works near the explosion site. Her name is Shonda Brown. Here’s what she said: [taped soundbite] “I think that New Yorkers are really resilient. I think that there’s a little bit of close to home of the reality of this, but I think that it’s just moving on, we’ve figured out who it is and the cops caught him. It’s like another day in the life and get on with work.”

Well, of goddamned course! What else would anybody say? The reporter’d get the precise same answer from an office worker in Keokuk, Iowa had the bombing taken place there (along with the wholly predictable “I never thought it’d happen here” addendum.

A few blah-blah-blahs later, the reporter concluded “Life seems to be getting on as normal here in New York.”

Again, of course it is!

Here’s what I want from the news: Tell me what happened. Tell me why. If the perpetrator has been captured, tell me why he did it.

screen-shot-2016-09-20-at-10-58-50-am

News: Cops Surround The Bombing Suspect

[Image: Ed Murray/AP]

●

That’s the news. This phony-baloney narrative that has become obligatory after terrorism does me no good. New Yorkers are reeling, check. New Yorkers are coping, check. New Yorkers’ lives are getting back to normal, check.

Checklist journalism. Ick.

I dunno about you, but I can do quite well without bedtime stories that make me feel all is well, so sleep tight, little listener.

I want news.

▲

 

Hot Air: The Bleeding Edge

Realization: Once a cancer patient, always a cancer patient. I’m going in tomorrow early (early!) AM to get sliced up, rearranged, and sewn back up thanks to a painful side effect of a side effect of my chemoradiation treatment early this year.

my-olive-pit-logo-copy

●

I spent a tortuous overnight in the Bloomington Hospital emergency room earlier this summer, getting my body to do what’s it’s supposed to do (normally w/o any intervention from gloved physicians and hose-wielding nurses.) Unfortunately, the experience ripped my guts apart (yeah, literally) and so now I have to be patched up. This time tomorrow, I’ll be emerging from the arms of Morpheus.

Q: Why in god’s name do surgeons insist on working so early in the goddamned morning? I’ll be checking in at Surgical Services at an hour when I’m usually still grousing over the prospect of having to get out of bed.

At very least, I hope Doc McKeen has been keeping his blades sharp.

Here’s a story about a surgical procedure I had done on me some twenty years ago. I’d been playing on a 12-inch, slow-pitch softball team the previous summer. I was the third baseman for our team which, IIRC, finished in the basement of the Lincolnwood Park District Men’s League. (Lincolnwood is a northwest suburb of my beloved hometown, Chi.)

On one play, the batter hit an ungodly hard shot on one bounce toward me. When the pelota hit the ground, its heretofore-true path was altered by a clod of dirt. The ball jumped up and smashed me in the right eye, sending my sunglasses on an arc to short left field. It took a few moments for my vision to return to normal and my eye was beginning to turn purple-black. I didn’t think much about the smash until, within a few weeks, I noticed my vision in that eye was turning lousy. Turned out I had something referred to as a traumatic cataract. So, I had to go in to get my right eye lens sucked out and replaced with a plastic one (known as an Intraocular Lens Implant).

Now, the eye surgery racket is populated by some of the most unbearably persnickety characters you’ll ever meet in the medical profession — or any arena, for that matter. It’s no wonder; eye surgeons must work in amazingly tight spaces, doing cuts and stitches the size of the dot at the end of this sentence and smaller. They often come to be extraordinarily demanding, exacting divas. A lot of them, quite frankly, are pains in in operating room staff’s asses. That’s okay by me; I want my eye surgeon to be the persnicketiest SOB in the building.

So, there I am under the blazing, sun-bright eye surgery lamps, my right eye immobilized by muscle-numbing dope and the rest of me grooving on whatever happiness drug was dripping into my IV.

1575_main

Skimming Out The Old Lens

●

The doctor begins his work. He sucks out the old, foggy, occluded lens and calls for the new one. I hear him breathing as he picks up the delicate piece of plastic with his forceps. As he moves into position to place the lens into my eye, he blurts, “Oh, fuck!”

Great. The two words you never want to hear in an operating room. Now there are the sounds of feet shuffling and instruments clanging on trays There’s also the non-sound of OR techs and circulating nurses holding their breaths.

Long — lo-o-ong — moments later, the doctor breaks the silence. “Okay,’ he says, “I got it all out.”

A few minutes later I’m being rolled into the recovery room.

I asked the doc what’d happened when he came in to see me later. He explained: the initial plastic lens he tried to implant was shoddy. It actually broke into pieces as he gripped it in his forceps. The breakage occurred just above my eye — y’know, the one with the cornea peeled back. He had no way of knowing how many pieces it’d broken into nor could he easily see the transparent motes floating on my exposed eyeball jelly. All he could do was fish around for the shards and place them on a tray where his assistants could reassemble them, examining the reconstituted lens with a microscope to make sure all parts had been retrieved.

iol

An Implantable Lens, Intact

●

Man, I thanked the non-existent creator of the universe he was one of the most persnickety, detail-oriented, sharp-eyed humans I’d ever met.

I don’t foresee any such drama tomorrow. Then again, I’ll be snoring. If Old Man McKeen drops anything into my abdomen, it’s doubtful he’ll rush into the recovery room to tell me all about it. And that, again, is okay by me.

See you in a few days.

▲