Category Archives: Li’l Duce

528 Words: Struggling

I’ve gone back and forth on this more times than I can remember. That is, my feelings about how I should look at and treat those who voted for Li’l Duce.

The night he was elected the first time, back in 2016, I wrote on FB, “America, you disgust me.”

That hasn’t changed. There are some 75 million voters in this holy land who’ve consistently demonstrated they don’t give the slightest damn that their candidate once mocked a disabled person.

If your kid did that while talking about a disabled classmate, you’d whack him one. A grown man did it and has been elected President of the United States of America twice.

I’ve detested Donald Trump since the mid-1980s when he was first making waves as the playboy real estate magnate of New York City. The magazines Vanity Fair, New York, and Spy covered him like a blanket back then, portraying him as a psychologically damaged clown — which he is. In fact, back then I used to say if I were king I’d decree that every single human being has to scrub his or her own toilet. It’d be the ultimate and just imposition of humility on those who make “little people” do those kinds of things for them. Every time I said it, I had Donald Trump in mind.

When he became a presidential candidate, I thought his campaign would be comic relief during the endless 2016 election cycle. Then came the dark night of November 8th and 9th nearly a decade ago.

Yeah. I’m still disgusted.

I’ve struggled to think and do the right things vis à vis the MAGA cult and the few tens of millions more who weren’t similarly deluded or outright racist/misogynist/transphobic/white supremacist/xenophobic/just plain lunkheaded but voted for him because prices were high, or they wanted to see “change,” or whatever bullshit reasoning they gaseously expelled from the wrong orifice.

The cultists, I quickly concluded, were beyond me. No way could I ever understand or hope to engage them. I remember that street corner preacher who used to rant about the abomination of homosexuality up and down State Street in Chicago’s Loop, waving his Bible and using a mic and portable amp. No one ever thought to stop and say, My good man, what say we have ourselves a lively debate on the topic?

What would be the use?

Same with the MAGA cult.

But how about those few tens of millions who felt the American system is broken and that’s why they pulled the lever for Caligu-Lite?  Perhaps I could — perhaps I should — try to reason with them. Perhaps we all should. After all, I think the American system is broken, too. We’ve got common ground.

Yet, every time Li’l Duce pulls off one of his Führer-esque stunts — and they seem to be pouring down on us like a summer thunderstorm now — I find that nice-guy, bipartisan, kumbaya approach to Trump voters harder and harder to pretend to. Those voters’ll tell me I’ve got Trump Derangement Syndrome, that comparing him to Hitler is the primary symptom thereof, but, for pity’s sake, the dude’s got Hitler’s playbook down, people.

It’s a struggle, I tell you.

441 Words: Nothing Lasts

Starbucks is closing stores.

Now there’s a line that would have been unthinkable from the 1990s and into the ‘teens. Some 30 years ago, when Jerry Seinfeld was still doing standup, he cracked that he noticed a new Starbucks had opened in his neighborhood. It was inside another Starbucks.

So many Starbucks were popping up around the country — around the world — that it seemed they were growing inside each other, like scifi Aliens.

That was then; this is now.

We can speculate any number of reasons for the store closings. Union busting, coffee tariffs, a corporate mid-life crisis, and even the spread of local, independent coffee houses. Take your pick. Or mash them all together. No matter. Starbucks is no longer growing.

It is shrinking.

The only sure thing we can conclude is nothing ever lasts. Especially not in this throwaway consumer culture.

What else, what other erstwhile rock solid thing that we hold dear and dependable will go poof any time soon?

A lot of us are scared to death that democracy itself is teetering, thanks to the Resurrection of Li’l Duce. (And, by the way, I’ve come up with another nickname for the Crazy-Commander-in-Chief: Caligu-lite. I like this one almost as much as Li’l Duce.)

Democracy! Hell, our whole American identity is based on the idea of democracy (even if, throughout our history, it has rarely been practiced in a truly comprehensive democratic manner). The rise of an emotionally crippled, morally bankrupt, psychologically stunted greed monkey has indeed put our aspirational better angel in mortal peril.

If we stick to corporate powerhouses that have vanished or become mere shadows of their former selves, we can cite Sears, Blockbuster, Radio Shack, Lehman Brothers, Pan Am, Bethlehem Steel, Woolworth’s, Kodak, and a few dozen more.

And how about empires, real actual political, geographical realms? Caligula’s Rome is now just a place where American tourists go to see St. Peter’s and sample authentic Italian cooking. Ancient Greece is a driving tour of crumbling architectural ruins. Ancient Egypt is a few pyramids and the Sphinx. Genghis Khan’s Mongol Empire was the greatest, in terms of land area, in the history of the world — it lasted just shy of a hundred years. The British Empire now is just another tourist trap, monetizing Americans’ bizarre fixation on its outdated, interbred royalty.

All empires die.

While we’re fretting over the possible demise of our own empire — even if we liked to think of it as a shining city on a hill — we might also take heart in the possibility that the Reign of Caligu-lite can, like every other empire or wannabe realm, implode.

Fingers crossed.

 

456 Words: The Li’l Duce Coup

Forgive me for mixing foreign languages in the headline. I’ll explain.

Just to show how the first 45/47 presidency tossed me into a PTSD amnesia, I’d forgotten that I once had a great name for the Leader of the Free World whose legal name induces nausea in me.

The last few weeks, I’ve messed around in a few posts, trying to come up with a clever, usable moniker for He Who Shall Not Be Named. None of my attempts made me happy. Then, like a bolt from the blue, it came back to me this AM: I used to regularly call the Commander-in-Cheat between Barack Obama and Joe Biden, L’il Duce.

Jeez! What have I been thinking?

Friends and colleagues have come up with good handles for him. Susan Sandberg, for example, likes to call him The Mad King. That’s a good one. I like it. I’d been wishing I could come up with something creative and catchy like that.

And, for chrissakes, I had! Years ago!

The Convicted Felon to Whom I Refer is nothing if not a penny-ante, ersatz, wannabe fascist dictator like one Benito Amilcare Andrea Mussolini of Italy.

The Original Duce.

Mussolini was referred to, when he ran Italy with an iron hand between 1922 and 1943, as Il Duce. The tag was a made-up Italian word for the leader of the Fascist gang of hoods that took over the country of my heritage by force. It comes from the Latin, dux, and was/is pronounced DOO-chay. The Blackshirts and other cetrioli who adored him slapped the Italian definite article, il (the), on and, presto, the tyrannical gasbag had a memorable name.

Hell, 45/47 is nothing if not another tyrannical gasbag. So, Li’l Duce it will be, once again.

Oh, a little more Italian vocabulary. A cetriolo is a cucumber or pickle or something of that shape. Originally from the Latin, citriòlum, even as far back as 2000 years ago it had come to be an insult. Italian-Americans pronounce it TCHIH-drool. Now, think of another thing shaped like a cucumber or pickle or something…, yep, you’ve got it. Ergo the insult.

So, yeah, way back eight or so years ago, I modified Il Duce, with its Italian definite article, to the more modern slang, Li’l, for The Man Who Would Be King of the World. Presto, again.

The beauty of calling 45/47 Li’l Duce is it’s the ultimate insult. He hates being associated with anything little. Like many who fret about the size of their cetrioli.

And, since Li’l Duce is staging a coup, what we’re watching is The Li’l Duce Coup.

Apologies to speakers of the Italian and French languages, the Beach Boys and Brian Wilson, and no one else; this insult is too good to pass up.