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SMARTEN UP
Leave it to Mark Twain: “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
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YOU WANT US TO TEACH YOUR KIDS TOO?!
So, the Monroe County Community Schools Corporation is going to spend a quarter of a million dollars installing security cameras and buzz-in doors at local schoolhouses.
New MCCSC boss Judy DeMuth has made it clear her administration’s top priority is “safety.”
The Herald Times in an editorial today says, “…[T]here really is no amount too high to pay for student safety.”
Who Needs Teachers When You Have Security Guards?
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Yes indeed, our children will be safe. Not necessarily educated, considering the recent massive cuts in school funding, but safe.
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BOOKS? WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ BOOKS!
Speaking of silly things like book larnin’ and other socialist plots, the Monroe County Public Library faces a $600,000 shortfall for fiscal year 2013.
Plenty Of Books But Where Are The Guns?
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Thankfully, the philosopher-statesmen in the Indiana statehouse have enacted a concealed carry law permitting patrons to bring their artillery into the library.
Library hours may be cut. Staff may be slashed. Books and materials acquisition will be curtailed.
But we’ll be safe.
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PROGRESS
Just to prove I’m not totally down on this holy land in the year 2011, allow me to take you back to the year 1900.
The late Howard Zinn in his excellent “A People’s History of the United States” tells of the “Rules for Female Teachers” a Massachussetts small town board of education issued a 111 years ago:
- Do not get married.
- Do not leave town at any time without permission of the school board.
- Do not keep company with men.
- Be home between the hours of 8:00pm and 6:00am.
- Do not loiter downtown in ice cream stores.
- Do not smoke.
- Do not get into a carriage with any man except your father or brother.
- Do not dress in bright colors.
- Do not dye your hair.
- Do not wear any dress more than two inches above the ankle.
There. I wonder if the kids were as safe then as they are today, though.
Oh, and Number 11: Crush Your Abdomen
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WORDS ARE FOR LIBERALS, DEMOCRATS, AND OTHER REPROBATES
Cowboy Rick Perry may have had some trouble in recent weeks expressing himself in terms that speakers of the English language can fathom. Some have accused him of being overwhelmed by the complicated task of speaking.
But yesterday, speaking to the Republican Jewish Coalition, he proved himself far superior to the outmoded concept that words have, um, meaning.
Words?
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The Republican candidates for president had gathered ’round to tell America’s Jews how much they love, love, love them.
This despite the fact that most Jews in this holy land vote Democrat. But the Republicans are the party of god and in these United States god is the Judeo-Christian big man.
Over the centuries, Christians may have gotten a lot of mileage blaming the Jews for inspiring the crucifix logo design. Still, Christians see Jews as their forefathers, albeit mean, old step-forefathers.
So, the party of god sent its best and brightest to the RJC’s tsuzamenfor in Washington to court voters.
The only GOP contender not to show up was Ron Paul, who wasn’t invited. He has committed the unforgivable sin of calling for a cutoff of aid to Israel. Cowboy Rick also has come close to uttering that dastardly line.
Perry last month called for slashing foreign aid to all countries “to zero” and then making them prove they are loyal, malleable, and/or starving enough to death to earn back our largesse. Naturally, reporters later peppered Perry with questions about our best pals in the Middle East. “What about Israel?” came the query from all sides. “Even Israel,” Perry said.
It would be interested to see how Perry could talk his way out of that one.
He did his best.
Perry told the RJC that the several billion dollars the US government ships to Israel each year is not “foreign aid.”
Golly, foreign aid, Cowboy Rick implied, is money we flush down the toilet for countries full of brown people and folks who are not sufficiently enamored of our sacred system of predatory capitalism.
The dough we send to Israel, the Cowboy explained, is, well, “strategic defensive aid.”
Oh.
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