The Pencil Today:

TODAY’S QUOTE

“Clever tyrants are never punished.” — Voltaire.

WHIP ME, BEAT ME, TELL ME YOU LOVE ME

According to news reports, large groups of people in Pyongyang and other Democratic People’s Republic of Korea locales are stopping in the middle of their streets and spontaneously bursting into tears.

Their big boss, Kim Jong-il, has died.

Further proof that no matter how much a despot crushes them, too many people in this mad, mad, mad, mad world dig being under someone’s thumb

Kim And Some Other Bully

CHIMPS IN THE HOUSE

The Herald Times reports that Indiana state law does not govern the keeping of primates such as gorillas and chimpanzees as pets. The deep-thinkers in the state legislature, though, have demonstrated enough foresight to draw up regulations covering lions and crocodiles in the home. Phew.

Do I need to say this? If you yield to your burning desire to keep a chimp as a pet, you deserve it if he tears your face off.

Trust Me — He Doesn’t Want To Live In Your House

A GREAT BOOK MAKES A GREAT GIFT

Nancy Hiller

Look, it’s the last week of the Christmas shopping orgy. If you don’t buy at least one copy of Nancy R. Hiller‘s gorgeous book, “A Home of Her Own,” as a gift, well, there’s nothing medical or psychiatric science can do for you.

WE DO FACEBOOK SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

A no spamily, no brattle zone.

◗ For years I’ve been saying I don’t trust people who don’t have books in their homes. My gang generally displays their books the way Ma & Pa Normal show off their wall-sized TVs or their new gas-guzzlers. But I had a nice conversation with Tyler Ferguson at Soma Coffee Saturday. We chatted of this and that and at one point she confided that she doesn’t read books, which surprised me because she’s a pretty smart cookie.

Tyler pointed out that she’s unable to sit still long enough to read. Can’t argue with that because she has the energy of the uranium atom. She’s involved with every single sport that has ever been concocted by the human mind. In fact, I hear she’s trying to start up a pitz league here in Bloomington. Pitz was a game played by pre-Columbian Meso-Americans starting around 1000 BCE. It was similar to volleyball, but was played with solid rubber balls. No word yet on whether Tyler’s new league will include the ritual human sacrifices of captives and slaves or the beheadings of the losing team’s captain that so thrilled the Maya and other crowds.

Anyway, how can I turn my back on Tyler Ferguson, one of our town’s true characters? I trust her with my life, or at least my laptop while I run to the restroom.

So I’ll amend my pronouncement: I don’t trust people who don’t have books in their homes — except for Tyler. Otherwise, I agree with the slogan in the Wall Photo shared by Mike Cagle and Craig L. Worrell: “If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books, don’t fk them.”

2 thoughts on “The Pencil Today:

  1. nrhiller says:

    Clever and funny, especially the last bit.

  2. Hey, Big Mike, check out this link to Melville House Books, re: Christopher Hitchens and Kim Jong-Il. (That looks like Kim Jong the Second, but it’s the sans-serif way of fonting “eye-ell” here.)

    http://mhpbooks.com/46020/the-north-korea-book-christopher-hitchens-called-electrifying-released/

    The two-graf quote from Hitchens in the article underscores your remark about a society of people who are OK with being under somebody’s thumb.

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