Eskimo: “If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?”
Priest: “No, not if you did not know.”
Eskimo: “Then why did you tell me?”
BROWN GOOD; WHITE BAD? OH MY ACHING HEAD!
So, the LA cops have nabbed a guy who they think started all those fires over the weekend.
The blazes have been headlines on all the national news outlets for the last three or four days. The arrest of the suspect made a commensurate splash.
Shervin Lalezary (r) — A Headache For Fox News
Except on Fox News.
I scanned the Fox website this morning and could find absolutely no mention of the arrest.
Perhaps not. Harry Burkhart, the suspect, is from Germany. And white.
Shervin Lalezary was born in Iran. He’s brown.
It was Lalezary who slapped the cuffs on Burkhart. The suspect reportedly said, “I hate America,” when he was arrested.
The Fox News people must be must be suffering from seizures at this moment. Can you imagine how they’d be baying like hounds had the roles been reversed?
GOD SENT ME
So, here’s my advice to my leftie brothers and sisters: Start using the word “god” in every press release you issue.
Yep. And throw in terms like “faith” and ‘the lord.” Whenever you stage a demonstration, make sure someone in your group takes a knee, bows his head, and mutters some prayers.
See, that’s what works for the Right. They know the big man and that gets them places.
God: “I Know That Guy; He’s Cool. Let ‘im In.”
Here’s an example: safety and security officials this year are instituting strict new guidelines limiting the number of people who can crowd into the Indiana statehouse during legislative sessions.
All gallery visitors will have to stand in line outside the statehouse and be admitted one by one until the capacity is reached.
You know, the godless heathens who want to tear our holy land to shreds. They’re figuring the state drew up the guidelines as a way to filter them out when push comes to shove.
Like this year, when legislators will consider union-busting “right-to-work” bills.
Today’s the first day of the General Assembly’s winter session. And already the new rules are being skirted. A group of holy rollers has been given a special dispensation to avoid the expected long lines waiting to get in.
Some gang named the Capitol Commission of Indiana, which is attending today’s session for the sole purpose of uttering some prayers over the proceedings, will waltz into statehouse while the rest of the common clay wait out in the cold. And if the Capitol Commission folks fill up the joint, well, ain’t that just tough luck.
SPIRIT IN THE SKY
I was 14 years old when this song became a big hit, reaching Number 1 on the Billboard chart in the spring of 1970. Even then it struck me as odd that a Jew, Norman Greenbaum, was singing about Jesus and Heaven.
Nevertheless, I dug the hell out of this song.