“Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.” — Frank Gifford
AN L OF A DILEMMA
Anybody who knows me even a little bit knows of my deep and abiding hatred for football.
Ergo, today, for me, is pretty much the most loathsome day of the year.
I quote from that renowned thinker and opinionator, me:
The Super Bowl, of course, is this holy land’s holiest event. I’ve long endorsed the idea that Super Bowl Sunday should be declared a national holiday. Football is a game that is run by men, involves violence, employs strippers disguised as cheerleaders, and rakes in literally billions of dollars a year for teams, television, bookies, athletes, anthem singers, halftime entertainers, orthopedic surgeons, criminal defense attorneys, and many more.
What’s more American than that?
(This gem of cogitation originally ran Friday.)
Anyway, Betty Greenwell, a sometimes-lapsed member of the Women’s Auxiliary of the Boys of Soma, reminds me that the statesmen and philosophers who run the NFL are in a quandary these days, what with the fiftieth Super Bowl a mere four years off.
As you know, Super Bowl branding — which was bestowed upon mankind by god — decrees that each Super Bowl be designated by Roman numerals. Today’s sacred rite is number 46, or more properly XLVI.
Number 50 presents a problem, though. The Roman numeral for 50 is, of course, L.
Now, L is the sports equivalent to the the biblical 666. It is the mark of Satan as well as those evil souls who have scored fewer points than the opposition.
The NFL reptilian-brain trust will not have the single most important date in their canonical year be smutted by such a sinister figure.
Super Bowl L? The horror!
BTW: The 30th Super Bowl didn’t seem to ruffle NFL feathers:
Football and porn — perfect.
“… FOOTBALL IS A 20TH CENTURY TECHNOLOGICAL STRUGGLE….”
George Carlin explains it all.