The Pencil Today:


“You can safely assume you’ve created god in your own image when it turns out that god hates all the same people you do.” — Anne Lamott


Now I’m worried.

Generally, when there’s a controversy over the teaching of evolution in a school district, we can be certain it’ll be raging in some tucked away rustic corner of this holy land.

We, the intellectually superior citizens of these Great United States, Inc., can snort derisively at the yahoos, rubes, and Jethro Bodines across America who wish to shove sinners like scientists and other bookish commies out of the curriculum-making process.

The New School Board Member Relaxes With His Dog, Duke

Not any more, babies.

The city of New York, bastion of the intellectual elite, homosexuals, abortion-profiteers, Jews, Muslims, Atheists, women-who-don’t-retch-at-the-very-thought-of-sex, and all the rest, is now the locus of an evolution controversy.

Folks, we have officially gone to holy hell, thanks to the theocrats who’ve taken over the USA.

The New York City Department of Education has banned the use of the term dinosaur in its standardized tests. Yup. The word, the department says, is dangerous.


Not slaughter, or hate, or ethnic cleansing, or rape, or racism, or even Lady Gaga — all of which are terms describing horrifying aspects of the human condition. Words that might make sensitive young test-takers shiver under the covers after being forced to confront them on a test that day in school.

And that’s why the NYC education ministry is banning dinosaur. A spokesperson for the schools says the word could “evoke unpleasant emotions in the students.”

The horror.

Apparently, the invertebrates who oversee New York’s schools have a whole list of terms that are to be avoided in the drawing up of these standardized tests. The words include birthday — it may offend Jehovah’s Witnesses who don’t recognize birthdays; Hallowe’en — it reeks of paganism; and even pepperoni — the mention of which may turn the stomachs of kids whose parents frown on eating such a delicacy for religious reasons.

Dangerous Pizza

Most of the words — hell, virtually all of them — got nixed because of the fear that some religious group or another might throw a hissy fit should it get wind that these subjects are broached in NYC schools.

If I believed in god, I’d pray for him to help us.

The NYC Department of Education is not saying precisely why words like dinosaur are being excised but it’s safe to assume the anencephalics who populate the fundamentalist Christian world might begin juddering in their square-toed shoes if they hear or read it. The term dinosaur, you see, might conjure the idea of evolution, which is almost as sinful as enjoying sex.

Dangerous Enjoyment

So what in heaven’s name is acceptable to teach and test the kids about?

The sciences, obviously, must be avoided at all costs. Wanna teach kids about the valiant researchers attempting to find a cure for AIDS or the latest flu strain? No way. Those hell-bound souls depend on the concepts of genetic mutation and natural selection — underpinnings of evolution theory — to do their work successfully.

How about geography? No, geographic understanding relies upon the plate tectonics and continental drift theories. These hold that the Earth is ancient — hundreds of millions of years old, as opposed to Bishop Ussher’s estimate that our little globe is a mere callow youth.

Okay then, math. How can you go wrong with numbers? They’re as simple as two plus two equals four.

Hold it right there, you godless demons. Nowhere in the Bible is two plus two equals four mentioned. Ergo, it ain’t true.

I suppose the only thing left is to teach our dear little ones that George Washington could not tell a lie.


Only the incident with the cherry tree never happened.

Man, we are an effed-up nation, my friends.


This clip from the movie, “On the Town,” features two of the greatest American performing artists of the 20th Century — Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra.

The third guy is Broadway song-and-dance man Jules Munshin.

Leonard Bernstein scored the original Broadway production of “On the Town” but the film’s producers saw his music as too complicated and operatic, so Roger Edens wrote new music. The lyrics are by Betty Comden and Adolph Green.

I still get goosebumps watching this scene. I wonder, will we ever see naked joy and childlike wonder portrayed in movies again? Probably — everything comes around again. But it ain’t gonna happen this year.

3 thoughts on “The Pencil Today:

  1. rehctaw says:

    Yep, some days it just ain’t worth gnawing through the restraints. Just accept that we’re phooked and hope for a better tomorrow once the Thorazine wears off…

    Happy Turdsday Big Mike!

  2. Candy says:

    watcher’s right.

  3. Jehovah’s Witnesses reject Birthdays all holidays,Thanksgiving even benign Mother’s day.
    The Watchtower leaders want to be ‘different’ for the sake of being different.Jehovah’s Witnesses are a dysfunctional group from the get-go .
    Christmas-Jesus was not born on exactly Dec 25th,but he also did not have his *invisible* second coming in the month of October 1914,a falsehood that is the core doctrine of the Watchtower religion.

    *tell the truth don’t be afraid*–Danny Haszard

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