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THE QUOTE

“Never loan a book to someone if you expect to get it back. Loaning books is the same as giving them away.” — Douglas Coupland

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GENERAL AVERSION

This Petraeus scandal is another one of those affairs wherein everybody involved is a flat out jerk.

Honestly, who would want to be involved with any of these chowderheads?

Consider this laundry list of reprobates and their peccadillos:

• An aging general who leaves his plain, matronly wife parked at home while he bonks a hot babe

Petraeus & Broadwell: Puffing Their Chests Out With Pride

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• A “reporter” who gives her subject both literary and literal blowjobs and who threatens her perceived romantic rival via email
• Social climbers who throw Champagne-and-caviar bashes for Army brass but also run up huge debts, who weasel their way into a 28-motorcycle police escort just to make a splashy arrival at a Hallowe’en party, who brag about a phoney-baloney diplomatic title, who use that phoney-baloney diplomatic title to attempt to squeeze millions of dollars out of a Korean businessperson, who purchased a ritzy mansion but haven’t made payments on it for years. who set up a questionable charity and then used proceeds to purchase lavish dinners
• High military officials writing letters of reference in the custody battle of a parent who has been determined by a judge to be lacking in honesty and integrity and who tried to trump up a physical abuse charge against her ex-husband by inducing her 3-year-old son to lie to authorities
• An FBI agent who sends beefcake pix of himself to a woman the agency will eventually investigate

Ick.

It reminds me of the OJ Simpson murder trial. Every single person connected with that case was a dope or a social climber or a sociopath or the sire of the Kardashian beings. I couldn’t stand any of those people.

Well, except one. Kato.

Can I Testify?

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Kato Kaelin was the only un-detestable soul in the bunch. I mean, he never pretended to be anything more than what he was — a dingbat, celebrity-junkie, coat-holder who had the bad luck to be at home when he heard a thump on his bedroom wall.

I wonder if there’ll be a Kato in the Petraeus case.

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PASSING IN SCIENCE

Okay, Indiana, you voted for Mitt Romney and elected a Republican governor. And the statehouse is still firmly in the control of the GOP.

What more do you want?

Oh, this: Republican state senator Dennis Cruse will introduce legislation that, in the words of the National Center for Science Education, will be a “permission slip for teachers to bring creationism, climate-change denial, and other non-science into science classrooms.”

A Proud Member Of The Indiana Legislature?

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What next, the crucible?

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JUDGING A BOOK BY ITS READER

A middle-aged couple walked into the Book Corner yesterday, appearing as if they’d been transported suddenly to another planet.

I tried to make eye contact but they both averted their gazes. They didn’t seem to be potential shoplifters but one can never tell so I kept an eye on them.

Plenty of folks who’d never been in a bookstore in their lives wander into the Book Corner. We’re across the street from the Monroe County Courthouse, where folks who live in such far-flung locales as Bean Blossom township come to pay their property taxes.

They consider a voyage into downtown Bloomington to be akin to visiting Rome. They step into the bookstore tentatively as if concerned that some questionable books sold therein might contaminate them. Within moments they relax, after being assured they won’t be assaulted by members of the Red Brigade.

They Hang Out In Bookstores, Don’t They?

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Anyway, this particular couple did the tentative two-step as well. By and by, they felt emboldened to separate, he to thumb through outdoor sportsmen’s magazines and she to search for something.

Eventually, she approached me, presumably after convincing herself I wouldn’t snatch her and do a Patty Hearst job on her. She asked for a Becca Fitzpatrick book in the Hush, Hush Saga teen romance series. I figured she was hoping to buy it for a 12-year-old daughter. I was wrong.

A Hush, Hush Saga Book

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“I love these books,” she said. “There’s a whole bunch of ’em. It’s like a series or somethin’,”

“Well, that’s good,” I said, trying my damnedest not to let myself think snarky thoughts.

You make snap judgements about people when you work in a bookstore. Some buy books with titles like “Applied Concepts in Differential Equations.” You immediately come to a conclusion about the entirety of their lives. Same with those who buy Stephen Colbert books or that new biography of Peter Criss, the drummer from Kiss.

Reading Material?

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So, noble soul that I am, I labored not to conclude that the woman was a dummy. Lucky for me I did.

“I’m just learnin’ how to read,” she volunteered.

I was speechless.

“Can you believe it? I’m 44 years old and I never learned how to read.” She said this almost matter-of-factly.

“Well, that’s fantastic,” I said.

“Uh huh. My husband’s teachin’ me how to read. He said we’re gonna do this no matter how hard it is. He said, ‘You better learn how to read. It’s time.'” There wasn’t a hint of embarrassment in her tone — if anything, only pride.

She explained that she’d be back in about a month, after she and her husband got their next check. Then she could buy some of those teen romances.

Sometimes when people want to buy junk books like “How to Read the Tarot,” I console myself about the transaction by thinking, Well, at least they’re reading. Plus, they’re buying from us so we’ll stay in business that much longer.

This woman wasn’t the first 40-something to buy a teen romance for herself. And normally I need to console myself when taking an adult’s money for this kind of kid lit. But the next time the woman comes in, I’ll be proud to sell her a couple of Becca Fitzpatrick novels.

Meeting her was the best thing that happened to me all day yesterday.

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The only events listings you need in Bloomington.

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Thursday, November 15th, 2012

MUSIC ◗ IU Auer Hall — Doctoral Recital: Elena Paradies on organ; 5pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Doctoral Recital: Yoon Won Shin on piano; 5pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Sweeney Hall — Performer Diploma Recital: Michael Miragliotta on trombone; 5pm

MUSIC ◗ Bear’s Place — The Matt MacDougall Quartet; 5:30pm

LECTURE ◗ IU Memorial Union, Whittenberger Auditorium — “What Are Friends For?: The Adaptive Power of Social Bonds, Presented by primatologist Joan Silk of Arizona State University; 5:30pm

FILM ◗ Monroe County Public Library –“The Line“; 6pm

MUSIC ◗ The Player’s Pub — Built for Comfort; 6:30pm

STAGE ◗ IU Auditorium — Musical: “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas“; 7pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Early Music Institute Chamber Music Concert; 7pm

PHOTOGRAPHY & VIDEO ◗ IU Latino Cultural Center — “Akadoi Epera: The Embera’s Hope,” By Alexandra McNichols-Torroledo; 7pm

MUSIC ◗ Muddy Boots Cafe, Nashville — Kara Barnard & Chuck Wills; 7-9pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Musical Arts Center, Recital Hall — Senior Recital: Abigail Kunkel, mezzo-soprano; 7pm

FILM ◗ Boxcar Books — “No Vietnamese Ever Called Me Nigger“; 7pm

FILM ◗ IU Cinema — “The Motorcycle Diaries“; 7pm

LECTURE ◗ Monroe County History Center — “Saving Indiana’s Old Barns,” Presented by Justin Smith; 7pm

SPORTS ◗ IU Assembly Hall — Hoosier men’s basketball vs. Sam Houston State; 7pm

STAGE ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron Center, in the Rose Firebay — Drama, “The Rimers of Eldritch“; 7:30pm

STAGE ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron Center, Auditorium — Comedy: “Alfred Hitchcock’s The 39 Steps“; 7:30pm

COMEDY ◗ The Comedy Attic — James Adomian; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Musical Arts Center — All-Campus Band, Brett Richardson, Trae Blanco, and Christopher Dortwegt, conductors; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Auer Hall — Latin American Popular Music Ensemble: “¡Anda Jaleo!“; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ The Bluebird — David Nail; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Master’s Recital: Jeong Hoon Lee on flute; 8:30pm

MUSIC ◗ Max’s Place — Andrew Simmerman Trio; 9pm

MUSIC ◗ Rachael’s Cafe — Radar Eyes, The Constants, Jerome & the Psychics; 9pm

MUSIC ◗ The Bishop — Mount Carmel, Charlie Patton’s War; 9:30pm

MUSIC ◗ Max’s Place — Pretty Boy Freud; 9:40pm

MUSIC ◗ Max’s Place — Ampersand; 10:30pm

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ONGOING:

ART ◗ IU Art Museum — Exhibits:

• “Paragons of Filial Piety,” by Utagawa Kuniyoshi; through December 31st
• “Intimate Models: Photographs of Husbands, Wives, and Lovers,” by Julia Margaret, Cameron, Edward Weston, & Harry Callahan; through December 31st
• “French Printmaking in the Seventeenth Century;” through December 31st
• Celebration of Cuban Art & Film: Pop-art by Joe Tilson; through December 31st
• “Threads of Love: Baby Carriers from China’s Minority Nationalities“; through December 23rd
• “Workers of the World, Unite!” through December 31st
• “Embracing Nature,” by Barry Gealt; through December 23rd
• “Pioneers & Exiles: German Expressionism,” through December 23rd

ART ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron Center — Exhibits through December 1st:

• “Essentially Human,” By William Fillmore
• “Two Sides to Every Story,” By Barry Barnes
• “Horizons in Pencil and Wax,” By Carol Myers

ART ◗ IU SoFA Grunwald Gallery — Exhibits through November 16th:

• Buzz Spector: Off the Shelf
• Small Is Big

ART ◗ IU Kinsey Institute Gallery — Exhibits through December 20th:

• “A Place Aside: Artists and Their Partners“
• “Gender Expressions“

ART ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World Cultures — Exhibits:

• “¡Cuba Si! Posters from the Revolution: 1960s and 1970s”
• “From the Big Bang to the World Wide Web: The Origins of Everything”
• “Thoughts, Things, and Theories… What Is Culture?”
• “Picturing Archaeology”
• “Personal Accents: Accessories from Around the World”
• “Blended Harmonies: Music and Religion in Nepal”
• “The Day in Its Color: A Hoosier Photographer’s Journey through Mid-century America”
• “TOYing with Ideas”
• “Living Heritage: Performing Arts of Southeast Asia”
• “On a Wing and a Prayer”

BOOKS ◗ IU Lilly Library — Exhibits:

• “The War of 1812 in the Collections of the Lilly Library“; through December 15th
• “A World of Puzzles,” selections from the Slocum Puzzle Collection

ARTIFACTS ◗ Monroe County History Center — Exhibits:

• Doctors & Dentists: A Look into the Monroe County Medical Professions
• What Is Your Quilting Story?
• Garden Glamour: Floral Fashion Frenzy
• Bloomington Then & Now
• World War II Uniforms
• Limestone Industry in Monroe County

The Ryder & The Electron Pencil. All Bloomington. All the time.