I’ll accept thanks in advance for this. Last night I was thisclose to devoting all of today’s post to Mother’s Day.
Sue Glab, “The Chief”
As in, Mother’s Day is a big pain in my big ass.
But then I went on Facebook and saw so many posts from people I really like about their moms that I lost my nerve. See, I occasionally concern myself with the feelings of others.
Ergo, no Mother’s Day screed from me today.
[Attn: Fellow curmudgeons — worry not, I’ll tear today’s “holiday” to shreds another time, perhaps after a few weeks or so.]
She’s Come Undone
How very, completely, and totally cool is this?
Well, there isn’t a dry eye in the house (as it were) by the time the vids are finished. See, each of the women is being, shall we say, inspired by an unseen volunteer, beneath the desk, who is (again, shall we say) urging her forward with the help of a “personal” vibrator.
So, the woman has an orgasm while reading literature aloud. Nothing sexist or “pornographic” about it all. No nudity or depersonalization. It’s the perfect marriage of unadulterated bliss and high art. Like I say, how cool!
Here’s an example:
Cool as it all is, I wouldn’t bet this method will be adopted by local high schools in an effort to encourage students to read any time soon.
[from Criminal Wisdom via Maxxwell Bodenheim]
Burn, Babies, Burn
As you know, wildfires roared through certain parts of California last week. Firefighters just now seem to be gaining a foothold against the various infernos.
As always, anchorbeings from CBS to Fox News have been wringing their hands and dabbing the tears from their eyes over fabulous mansions going up in smoke. Those who live in more modest domiciles have only themselves to blame, of course, for residing in structures made of flammable materials, so the loss of their cribs is effectively ignored.
Oh, The Upper Middle Class Humanity!
Other near-victims have been given the brush by corporate media outlets as well. For instance, strawberry pickers saw the flames come so terrifyingly close to their work fields that they considered taking to their heels.
Their bosses at Crisalida Farms caught wind of the imminent danger and issued warnings to the workers. The advisories, surprisingly, contained little or no information on the care and treatment of burns or even what the best routes might be to escape the flames. They were, though, simple and straightforward: If you leave the fields you’re ass is fired!
Or maybe not so surprisingly.
The workers, mostly selfish and lazy immigrants, it must be assumed, claimed they couldn’t breathe and that hot ash was drifting onto their bodies. As if that’s an excuse not to do your job. Anyway, the workers did indeed leave the fields and were indeed fired.
The View From The Fields
Free market, babies, deal with it. Ayn Rand would have been proud of the Crisalida foremen.
The story has a happy ending, for the sane among us at least. The United Farm Workers decided to come to the aid of the fired workers. The union insisted they be given their jobs back. It also pestered local TV stations to cover the situation. Once Crisalida learned its precious name might be sullied among bleeding hearts and other haters of this holy land, many of whom are known strawberry eaters, the company told the workers it was all a mistake and they were welcome to come back to the fields.
Here’s something even nicer: the strawberry workers are not even members of the United Farm Workers! That’s right, the union took up their cause because, well, it was the right thing to do. Somehow UFW officials took time away from tearing down the capitalist system and setting time bombs underneath small business establishments and did something for working people just for the hell of it.
You know, the way big businesses do all day, every day.