Bye Bye, Bachmann
So, Michele Bachmann is quitting the House of Representatives after her current term expires in January, 2015.
Which is a shame because now who are we going to gasp about and wring our hands over when we read the political news section of the Daily Screamer? Oh wait, there still are plenty of neo-Right hatters mad enough to make the sane among us feel smug and superior for the next few years. For instance, little Rickey Santorum still prowls the land sans straightjacket.
None of them is quite like Michele Bachmann, though. In fact, Bachmann is the poster chick for the delusional world the Tea Party-ists and their fellow basket-weavers inhabit.
Starting with her personal life, Bachmann illustrates as no one before or since the propensity of that certain segment of the pop. that longs for good old days that never existed and who, when confronted with facts and figgers, simply says Who needs facts and figgers?
She’s married, after all to a mincing, prancing, Jello mold of a man who chooses to spend much of his life in the company of gay men for the purported purpose of “transforming” them into rugged coxswains who become instantly tumescent over the latest Victoria’s Secret catalog. Marcus Bachmann is about as straight as the character John Belushi played in the early days of SNL, you know, the seaman who brought the young boy to his cabin to demonstrate to him the joys of being a manly man?
If Michele Bachmann believes that her hubby dreams of seeing her naked every night, she’ll believe anything. Death panels, for example.
Even more than Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, Michele Bachmann is the comic relief of the hijacked Republican party. And while her platform and philosophies and miscellaneous public utterances initially scare the bejesus out of anyone with a shred of psychological stability, it’s comforting to realize that the vast majority of people — even in this madcap holy land — recognize her as a circus clown.
Let’s take a look at some of the most whacked-out pronouncements, positions, and opinions Bachmann has gifted us with during her four terms as Congressbeing from Minnesota’s Sixth District:
◗ Alzheimers could be cured within 10 years if it weren’t for “overzealous regulators, excessive taxation and greedy litigators.”
◗ The human papilloma virus vaccine causes mental retardation
◗ 9/11 and the Banghazi consulate attack were acts of “judgment” on America, courtesy of god
◗ “[I]f you’re involved in the gay and lesbian lifestyle, it’s bondage. Personal bondage, personal despair and personal enslavement.”
◗ Democratic presidents seem to be somehow responsible for various flu outbreaks
◗ Planned Parenthood is the “LensCrafters of big abortion.”
◗ The Affordable health Care Act must be repealed “before it literally kills women, kills children, kills senior citizens.”
◗ God has been throwing earthquakes and hurricanes at the USA because government spending is too high
◗ Glenn Beck could solve the national debt problem
◗ “Be submissive wives; you are to be submissive to your husbands.”
◗ “The big thing we are working on now is the global warming hoax. It’s all voodoo, nonsense, hokum, a hoax.”
◗ Terry Schiavo “was healthy… she was not terminally ill.”
◗ Teachers soon may be able to tell their students that the man who wrote the music for “The Lion KIng” was gay and that people who are gay are better at what they do than straight people
◗ “Does the federal government really need to know our phone numbers?”
◗ The greenhouse effect is a hoax because “there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is harmful.”
◗ Gay marriage “is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years.”
◗ “I believe that there is a very strong chance that we will see that young people will be put into mandatory service. And the real concern is that there are provisions for what I would call re-education camps for young people, where young people have to go and get trained in a philosophy that the government puts forward….”
◗ The minimum wage causes all American unemployment
◗ “We’re running out of rich people in this country.”
◗ The Obama Administration is “turning our country into a nation of slaves.”
◗ “We now have a total gangster government.”
◗ Musician Melissa Etheridge may have contracted breast cancer because she is a lesbian
◗ The Founding fathers worked “tirelessly” to end slavery
◗ “I want people in Minnesota armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back. Thomas Jefferson told us having a revolution every now and then is a good thing.”
◗ “… [I]f gay marriage goes through…, K-12 little children will be forced to learn that homosexuality is normal, natural and perhaps they should try it.”
◗ She spied on a gay rights rally by hiding behind some bushes in 2005
BTW: Bachmann sits on the House Intelligence Committee. So don’t tell me Washington pols don’t have a sense of humor.
Oh, and here’s her most beautiful oral gaffe: When she announced that she was running for prez in 2011, she boasted that she was originally from Waterloo, Iowa, the birthplace of John Wayne. Oops. Waterloo, Iowa is actually the birthplace of noted serial killer (and, interestingly enough, another compulsively secret homosexual) John Wayne Gacy.
Yup, I’m gonna miss her.