Save Our Children!
A funny juxtaposition of news stories on NPR this morning. Not funny ha-ha but funny as in, oh, let’s see, ironic or stupid. Hell, we’ll go with stupid on this one.
Okay, first story. One of the Morning Edition announcers made mention of the federal case of a lesbian couple in Michigan who want to be able to get married and adopt each other’s kids. Only Michigan bans same-sex marriage. And, well, Mich. bans gay and lesbian adoption, too, because, y’know, homo-sex is evil and sick and weakens the nation and is pretty much all god thinks about.
The Couple & The Kids
In the state court case to determine the legality of Michigan’s bans, the lesbian couple had to answer for a study by a University of Texas prof who posited that homo-sex parents are suboptimal.
Mark Regnerus did the study which sorta suggested that kids are better off being raised by their two biological parents, as opposed to a raft of other possibilities (including single parents, adoptive parents, divorced parents, and so on). I stress the sorta because Regnerus himself wasn’t exactly jumping up and down, shouting that homosexual parenting couples suck. But when those who panic at the mere thought that homosexuals might live on these sacred shores got hold of the study, all they could see was an imagined conclusion that same-sex partner parents are the worst thing ever to happen to the nation since slavery and the Indian holocaust combined. Worse than that, probably.
Right Wing and homophobic organizations around the USA became tumescent. Proof, they crowed, that homo-sexers should not be permitted to be within a mile of our precious little princes and princesses.
Now those who make it their practice to go to court to make sure we never, ever allow the homo-sexers to marry or adopt introduce the study as evidence. As the lesbian couple learned to their dismay.
[Note 1: Nevermind that the study’s methodology has been challenged by other social scientists, reviewers, and even the publication that carried its results in the first place.]
[Note 2: Don’t clunk me on the head: I couldn’t find today’s mention of the Michigan lesbian adoption case, so there isn’t a link to it. Trust me, though — it was mentioned.]
Now, for the stupid juxtaposition.
About 1700 children die each year as a result of abuse and neglect. At least that’s the official count. Experts think the number is much higher.
So begins a report on a new congressional commission that will be in charge of wringing its hands and proffering outraged comments on the situation.
Now, doesn’t that 1700-plus figure scare the bejesus out of you? It did me. One-thousand seven hundreds little tykes get whacked by their parents or care-givers each year. They’re either beaten or shot or strangled or suffocated or drowned or poisoned — take your pick. As many ways as one human being can snuff out the life of another, that’s how many ways parents and guardians ice their kids in this holy land
Every single freaking year.
And, you know, virtually every one of those dead kids was raised by hetero parents. Yup. Considering the fact that the number of heteros is far, far greater than the number of homo-sexers, and considering that fact that a number of states do not even allow homo-sexers to adopt (either explicitly or through legal misdirection), and, going further, considering the number of judges and child welfare bureaucrats who look askance at homo-sex adoption even if the states they’re in allow it, we have to conclude that, of the parents and guardians who whack their spawn, the percentage of them who are heterosexual is around 99 or more.
Let’s Kill The Children, Dear
See, the number of homosexuals who’ve adopted is statistically negligible compared to the overall number of parents in this country. Ergo, of those 1700-plus dead kids, heteros have executed, say, 1698-plus. If you choose to argue with that figure, lemme see your stats first.
The course of action I’m about to propose, therefore, makes perfect sense.
I call for the legislatures of the 50 states and the District of Columbia, as well as the territories of the United States, to ban adoptions by heterosexual couples. Wait, as the TV pitchmen love to say, there’s more. I call for the seizing of all children of heterosexual parents until each and every such parent can prove that he or she will not drown, poison, strangle, suffocate, or otherwise bump off their brood.
See, 1700 deaths constitute much more than a sorta problem.
And tough problems call for tough solutions.