Thursday night, some 32 million Americans watched a sporting event.
No, it wasn’t a game to decide the championship of a big pro sports league. Nor was it any contest at all between a couple of teams.
The Holy Altar
It was, in fact, the goddamned National Football League draft. That’s the yearly process by which the 32 teams of the planet’s most financially successful athletic outfit divvy up the latest pool of talent to emerge from the college ranks. General managers, talent coordinators, coaches and other swamis and gurus study the omens, signs, and symbols and then proceed to tab some 224 slabs of cartilage and sinew who will, it is hoped, lead their teams to Super Bowl glory.
And one in 10 human beings residing in this holy land watched said sacred rite.
We are, comrade Pencillistas, a deranged freakin’ nation.
Still steamed about Bloomington’s downtown parking meters?
Perhaps this’ll make you feel a tad better about it all:
Yep, these are the rates you’ll pay if you want to visit your sick old grandma at Chicago’s Northwestern Memorial Hospital in the city’s Streeterville neighborhood.
Admittedly, Streeterville — AKA the Gold Coast — is Chi-town’s most ritzy ‘hood. It’s where, for instance, notables and plutocrats such as Ann Landers, Oprah Winfrey, and the Pritzkers have lived through the years.
Still, $11.00 for a 45-minute drop-in on Bubeh? Or, should your Nonna not be clinging to life in one of Northwestern’s luxe suites, and instead you desire to grab a lunch at Gino’s East on Superior Street, you’ll end up paying $32 just to stash your dilapidated Corolla. Which is prob. more than the beater is worth.
Makes a buck an hour seem a bargain, no?
Buzzfeed’s Andrew Kaczynski found this gem of a “quote” attributed to Prez Barack H. O. in a mailer sent out by the National Association for Gun Rights to benefit Libertarian loon Rand Paul:
Q: So, like, when did BHO say this remarkable thing?
Here’s what the Nazi/commie/Stalinist/abortionist/gay sex tyrant actually said, back in December, 2012, after the Sandy Hook School shooting rampage in Newtown, Connecticut, that resulted in the deaths of 20 kids and 6 adults:
In the coming weeks, I’ll use whatever power this office holds to engage my fellow citizens — from law enforcement, to mental health professionals, to parents and educators — in an effort aimed at preventing more tragedies like this, because what choice do we have? We can’t accept events like this as routine.
Same thing right?
The New Version
After perusing a few gun rights web sites I feel I have a greater understanding of that landmark document, the Constitution of the United States of America. As a public service, I thought I’d write a new version of it, just like the Christianists do with their Bible on occasion. Here’s The Constitution, Glock Version, 2014:
Article I: We the People are nothing without Guns.
Amendment 2: Blah, blah, blah, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
Other ideas, powers, and rights: Nothing really.
Jesus Christ and George Washington
Politics, my friends, can be so simple.
So, I guess you don’t want to talk about the Bear’s draft picks? The thing about guns was funny, misguided but funny especially the last picture. You have a talent my friend.
Come on, the Packers picked up a guy named Ha Ha, maybe that will replace Joshua or Liam in the best baby name list next year.