Hot Air: A Quickie

Turn Heads At The Beach

I’m super busy today; got a lot of work to do on the Charlotte project. So I’ll leave you with a couple of Recovery-related entries:

  1. I dropped off at the recycling center all my empty cans — hundreds of them — of Jevity®, the high-protein nutrition with fiber drink manufactured by Abbott Laboratories. For two months all I had in terms of “food” was Jevity. I dreamed about pizza and lasagna and baked chicken with potatoes and oregano and chocolate ice cream and…, well, you can fill in the rest. I kept all those empties in neat 11-22-2013-10-24-39_57333JEV15can8ozstacks in the garage, just waiting for the day when I could get rid of them all at once. It’d be closure. It’d almost be sacramental. Not only that, I lugged three cases of unopened Jevity along with a couple of boxes-full of syringes for use of stomach tubes to the radiation center. I’d been told that there are more than a few people who can’t afford the stuff. I don’t want them to starve.
  2. Dieting is one of this holy land’s obsessions. Everybody’s too fat (they think). Men want six-pack abs. Women want bikini bodies. The self-help and cookbook shelves at your local Barnes & Noble are sagging under the weight of hundreds of lose weight quick books and fad diet tomes. As a public service, I will now put to rest American humankind’s quest for a slimmer bod. Having experience with two dynamite weight loss programs, I will now testify that the most effective and rapid weight loss methods are the Break-up Diet and the Cancer Diet. You can’t go wrong with either. Numerous times in my love life, I’ve moped around for months, carrying a broken heart. Food? God forbid. I’m too busy mooning and mourning. After every major break-up, I’ve become svelte and lean. And just this year, I went all in on the Cancer Diet. So far I’ve lost 60 pounds. I highly recommend either regimen. And yeah, yeah, yeah, you pay a hell of a high price to shed the librae pondo — so what? Did you expect to get off scott-free?

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