Weird times, babies, what with the Culture Clash Off-Broadway Tour hitting our sprawling megalopolis. The events, in succession, are thus:
- Mayor Hamilton murdered Good Friday and Columbus Day
- Some AFSCME local union big shot is blaming the Muslims for putting him up to it
Now, the backstory. In a move so earth-shattering that even the BBC covered it, Bloomington Mayor John Hamilton issued a memo last week to city employees declaring the aforementioned paid holidays for B-ton payrollers to be no-speak-ums around City Hall anymore.
And no, that doesn’t mean garbage collectors and the parking ticket-writing crew now will have to toil on those holiest of days. It merely means the days will from now on be called “Spring Holiday” and “Fall Holiday.” The idea being Native Americans don’t have to specifically celebrate the the dude who initiated the holocaust that pretty much wiped most of them off the face of the earth nor must Jews, atheists, Wiccans, etc. be forced to sleep-in late in pretend honor of the crucifixion of some 2000-year-old hell-raising Middle Eastern mystic.
Jesus Died For Your Paid Holiday
My guess is few but the most hair-splitting of historical obsessives among city workers actually gave a first thought, much less a second, to the names of the equinoctical holidays they long for each demi-annum. That is until Hamilton went and re-monikered them. Suddenly, Good Friday and Columbus Day became fetes of paramount importance to some unionists.
To wit, an AFSCME member named Rick who has access to the union local’s private Facebook page posted the following lively dissent:
I emailed the mayor and hr director to find out what their reason is for the change. I’m thinking since they have non union Muslim employees working at the showers building they don’t want to offend them and their beliefs. They do not believe in Christianity. Personally, I don’t give a flying fuck what they believe. We negotiated good friday andolled Columbus day and they need to Honor those holidays. Still waiting on a answer and it better be good or we will be filing. This is just another reason I voted for Trump. [All sic]
Retired schoolteacher Carp Combs stumbled upon the above screed and posted a screenshot of it on his own page. Apparently, despite — or because of — Rick’s dearth of flying fucks to give, he’s certain L’il Duce would protect the honor of Genoan genocide enthusiasts as well as the inspiration for history’s most identifiable religious logo.
Rick’s so nonplussed by the turn of events that he imagines the mayor to be unilaterally taking away the holidays his (Rick’s) union negotiated through collective bargaining, a legal and political impossibility.
No matter what he erroneously imagines to be the consequences of Hamilton’s fiat, he’s sure those unbelievin’ Arabs are behind it. Worse than not accepting Jesus Christ as their lord and savior, the Muslims aren’t even dues-paying members of Rick’s local.
Combs’s own commentary on the post reads: “Is this ‘hate speech?’ I don’t know.”
We can assume Rick is by no means a man of open heart and arms. He’s not even a guy who’ll crow, “Some of my best friends are Mooz-lims.”
Further, it’s a good bet Rick doesn’t even know what in the goddamned hell a Muslim is, how the world’s largest Muslim nation isn’t even in the Middle East, and how — by jove! — Muslims revere Jesus Christ, AKA Isa al-Masih, as one of the divine prophets sent by god to do whatever it is that prophets are supposed to do. That’s No. 4 of the Six Articles of Islamic Faith.
Sorta like not knowing that the mayor cannot take contractually guaranteed paid holidays away from city employees by snapping his fingers.
Not that Rick would give a flying fuck.
I can almost understand it here in the complimentary breakfast room of our Florida hotel. Emphasis on almost.
That is, the current rage for people to wear PJs wherever they go. The Kroger. The Bureau of Motor Vehicles. The gas station. I’ve even seen them worn in the library.
Don’t you care that I now think you’re too lazy and/or lacking in good grooming habits to shower, change your undies, and don fresh duds prior to making a public appearance? Is the entire world now your bedroom? Your kitchen?
I have zero interest in being drawn into such an intimacy with anyone whose name and occupation I don’t know. I now have etched in my memory the hazmat suit you wore overnight to protect yourself and your loved ones from your own sweat, drool and flatulence. It’ll stay with me all day, you know.
This from a guy so casual he’ll often wear shorts well into December, depending on the temps. So it’s not as though I expect you to wear silk pajamas over which you’ll drape a flowing dressing gown simply to walk from the bed to the bathroom. I don’t demand starched collars and tightly laced bodices as de rigueur for daywear.
Just, for chrissakes, change out of your nightclothes when you venture outside.
A Thanksgiving Ditty