The Electron Pencil

A poetic and appropriate national response to the President Gag fiasco would be for us to elect a brown-skinned woman in 2020. And Kamala Harris is running like a madwoman already. So are Andrew Cuomo and Kirsten Gillibrand, although neither of these two would be so delicious a slap-down to the Dick-in-Chief.

Now, three and a half years out from the next national election, any pretenders/contenders for the throne are burnishing their images by acting all aghast at the carny show running daily in DC and occasionally offering the citizenry some hope.

Next-President Harris?

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Me? If I’m running for Prez, I reduce everything to first questions and simplest possible terms. It’s the secret formula that got an unqualified, boorish, hateful, ignorant greed monkey elected last fall. I’d say, Vote for me and I’ll stand on my head to make sure everyone in this holy land has a home, a job, health care, and education. If you want a Cadillac or a Rolls, you’re on your own and good luck. Otherwise, I’m here to help you.

Now, natch, this is all nothing but hot air. Nobody can guarantee all those things for all those people. But they are noble goals, no? There is, I still believe, a plurality of Americans who wish our fellow sisteren and brethren all those basic necessities. And, hell, we don’t ask our presidential candidates to give us the straight dope. We ask them to lie to us. We then elect the most believable liar.

At least the lies are reflections of our collective hopes and dreams

Better work on your spiel, Kamala.

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Peaceable Warriors

Rather than get all tumescent over guys killing each other for greater national glory, as most of us love to do around Independence Day, I’d prefer to celebrate some tough-as-nails local American dames who’ve had nothing to do with flag-induced bloodshed, so here we go:

• Susan Sandberg — Righteous anger smolders within her these days — as it does within every sentient human. She shouts from the rooftops for the good and the right and she continues to invest sweat and heart in her efforts to make this town a better place.

Sandberg

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• Charlotte Zietlow — She may well have been the first woman in Bloomington to deliver a child using the Lamaze method. When the doctors and nurses pooh-poohed her and tried to get her to birth her baby their way, she laid down the law. “I would like to do this my way,” she said, “and I don’t want you to get in the way.”

Charlotte

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• The Loved One — Nobody ever told her how great she could be or what wonders she could accomplish. So she had to tell herself those things. And, you know what? She listened!
• Lauren R. — She tools around Bloomington in the very coolest hot rod yet seen in these parts and does her work as a barista as diligently and professionally as the CEO of a small startup. She illustrates perfectly Maxim Gorky’s observation: “When work is a pleasure, life is a joy! When work is a duty, life is slavery.”

Lauren R. (L) & The Loved One

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• Zaineb Istrabadi — She seems to be on a permanent diet of mitosis-inhibiting poisons these days yet she insists on continuing to conduct her rigorous schedule of Arabic language courses at Indiana University. And, to judge by her social media following, she’s as beloved as any lecturer or professor on campus. Knowing the effects of these toxins as intimately as I do, I can safely state she’s ten times stronger and braver than I’ve ever been or ever will be.

Istrabadi

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• Susan Gubar & Jill Bolte Taylor — They, too, have withstood the ravages of terrifying maladies and emerged unbowed. They’ve taken their experiences therefrom to inspire others doing similar battle. Add they’ve added to the world’s understanding of cancer and strokes.

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• Joni McGarry — She was convinced she baked the tastiest brownies in the world. So she put her money (and her time and her energy and all her hopes and dreams) into starting Lucky Guy Bakery. Now her brownies can be found in stores, coffeehouses, and eateries all around the region and the only reason I don’t eat one (or ten) every single goddamned day is I can’t taste sweet things much anymore so it’d be a waste. You, though, without chemoradiation-ravaged taste buds, ought to dash right out this second and stock up.

McGary Carries The Goods

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Oh, there’s scads more mighty, successful Bloomington women to be celebrated, sure. Think of them as the bombs and rockets go off the next couple of days, won’t you?

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