The Electron Pencil

President Gag this week spoke to the 80,000 or so Murricans attending the National Rifle Assn’s annual meeting in Dallas. Natch, he genuflects before that crowd because, well, the two most likely population groups that would be attracted to an anti-intellectual, idea-free, proudly uninformed, thin-skinned, megalomaniacal, borderline sociopath who won the presidency on a technicality would be 1) obsessive gun fondlers and 2) bible thumpers. No doubt he’ll be cooing and wooing some similar gathering of the god gang soonly.

Anyway, here’s a quote from his speech:

Your 2nd amendment rights are under siege, but they will never, ever be under siege as long as I am your President.

Folks on my side of the fence are all agog over this one because, at a glance, it doesn’t make any goddamned sense. See, they don’t understand Gag-speak. He’s used seemingly contradictory constructions like this before, I’m sure, and they’ve worked for him.

For instance, whenever one of his ex-wives found out he was philandering on her and called him on the carpet for it, he would most likely say something like:

Yes, dear, our marriage has been violated by my infidelity. But the holy trust and bond between us, our marriage consecrated by the laws of the land and god, will never be violated by any infidelity on my part, I can assure you.

And — y’know what? — that plea, that mea culpa, that pledge of honesty and eternal loyalty, worked. You bet it did.

‘Course, the fact that each of those ex-wives has been assured a lifetime of comfort, wealth, and privilege as long as she keeps her trap shut about any such bedroom conversations might have helped as well.

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A Foolish Consistency

Okay, so if you voted for President Gag you and I can, potentially, have a lively debate over your choice. In the long run, though, it’s pointless for us to argue because we’d only be talking past each other. The ways in which you and I see the world are so different, so irreconcilable, that it’s terribly unlikely we’d ever find a common ground of understanding.

That applies, really, only to those who love Li’l Duce with all their hearts. They see an acquisitive, aggressive, uber-male who clearly views sensitivity, compassion, altruism, and the ancient Greek concept of philia as silly wastes of time as the perfect leader for our holy land.

No, they and I can never come to terms.

Then again, there are those who voted for the future P. Gag even after they voted once and, in some cases, even twice for Barack Obama for president. Yesterday’s New York Times carried a piece about that swath of the electorate:

The people who were (and are) the true believers in Li’l Duce may frustrate me, but those who flipped from BHO to DJT anger and annoy me. Lots of them bought into both candidates’ pledges to wash Washington clean of its past sins and sinners.

It’s like a set of parents who for months since their baby was born have bathed her in warm water and gentle soap. Then, suddenly, they decide to scrub her down using undiluted Pine-Sol and then, when someone says, “Hey, whoa!” they respond, “What’s the problem? I’ve always wanted a clean baby.”

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