Hot Air: Getting You Hooked On Getting Off

So some beer advertiser is going to run a spot during Sunday’s Super Bowl featuring ASMR.

Know what that is? Autonomous sensory meridian response. It’s a sound that causes a frisson, even a sort of aural climax. Some researchers are calling it a “brain orgasm.”  Sez (the website of the National Sleep Foundation):

[I]t is still a relatively new creation. It describes a feeling of euphoric tingling and relaxation that can come over someone when he or she watches certain videos or hears certain sounds. What kind of visual or audio clips can create such a lovely feeling? It might surprise you, but the videos are of people doing incredibly simple, quiet, calming tasks, such as folding towels, brushing their hair, or flipping magazine pages. You might hear someone’s voice speaking in the background of the video, but not always. The audio clips often consist of voices whispering nice things (like “You are appreciated”), or contain the sound of tapping, scratching, or rain.

Kiddies, this is right out of Brave New World.

Funny thing is, I know just what this is all about — or at least something reasonably close to it. For instance, when I’m in a public place, a store, say, and someone nearby is humming, usually at the very edge of my hearing perception, my insides turn into mush. I feel as though I’ve been dipped in warm chocolate pudding. It’s almost embarrassing, for chrissakes!

Same thing when I use my big Hitachi Wand-like vibrator on my jaws near my ear holes. Yep. I dunno if it’s the sound or the actual mechanical vibration of all the structures in my coconut, but I turn to jelly. I want to OD on the experience.

So if advertisers can figure out a way to tickle your insides using AMSR, golly gee, it’s all over for us. I mean, we’re slaves to consumerism already. We’ll be zombies by this time next Super Bowl Sunday.


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