Hot Air: Child Belaboring

George Carlin

This is one of those mornings when I need a strong dose of George Carlin to counteract the bushwa everyday life throws at me. It’s graduation season and half the world is crowing about their kids finishing kindergarten or elementary school or junior high or what the hell ever school is passing them on to the next one. Y’know, doing pretty much what every other freaking kid in this holy land is doing or has done or will do. Call me a curmudgeon (you’d be right) but I don’t care what your kid has done if it’s not finding a cure for cancer, imposing world peace, or inventing a perfectly safe recreational drug.

Carlin in 2001 did this bit:

Here’s another pack of low-grade morons who ought to be locked into portable toilets and set on fire. These people with bumper stickers that say, “We are the proud parents of an honor student at the Franklin School.” Or the Midvale Academy or whatever other innocent-sounding name that has been assigned to the indoctrination center where their child has been sent to be stripped of his individuality and turned into an obedient, soul-dead conformist member of the American consumer culture. “Proud parents.” What kind of empty people need to validate themselves through the achievements of their children? … Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child whose self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.” Or, “We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers’ attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters.”

There. I feel better now.

The Gods Of Hellfire!

Yesterday, I felt on top of the world.

I spent the afternoon with Phil Proctor and David Ossman, the surviving members of America’s answer to Britain’s Monty Python, who are billing themselves as “What’s Left of the Firesign Theater.”

Firesign Theater alumni Proctor and Ossman are in town for three events this weekend. Tomorrow night, Friday, May 31st, they’ll be at the Brown County Playhouse doing “The Art of Comedy,” a 90-minute performance and Q&A session that begins at 7:30pm. Saturday night, they’ll be appearing at Bear’s Place with Tony Brewer, Amy Walker, and the Writers Guild at Bloomington gang for “Sinuous Divinity: A Poet’s Cabaret,” with (natch) comedy nonsense sprinkled in. The festivities begin at 6pm and run for a good two hours — maybe more. Then, Sunday afternoon, Proctor & Ossman join the usual suspects at this season’s iteration of the Firehouse Follies, “Fireheads & Tales” at the Waldron Center, 4-6pm. Proceeds go to WFHB.

Proctor and Ossman will appear on this afternoon’s Big Talk at 5:30pm on WFHB, 91.3 FM. I’ll post the podcast link herein as soon as I get around to it.

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