Category Archives: Indianapolis Colts

The Pencil Today:

THE QUOTE

“The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.” — Alice Roosevelt Longworth

LUCK OF THE DRAW

This Andrew Luck fellow, who became an instant multi-millionaire in last night’s NFL draft, just might be able to run for King of Indiana in a few years if he has any kind of success at all on the football field.

He’s well-spoken and self-effacing, he has a dazzling smile, and it seems as though he’s got his feet on the ground. Hopefully, he’ll retain his positive character traits once he signs his obligatory obscenely lucrative contract with the Indianapolis Colts. Last year’s number one pick in the NFL draft, quarterback Cam Newton, inked a four-year, $22M deal with the Carolina Panthers.

The number one pick in 2010, the St Louis Rams’ Sam Bradford, scored a six-year, $78M contract but, of course, he’s white, as is Luck.

Luck-y

Luck is 22 years old. Sure, he may seem mature beyond his years but scads of dough can tend to change any human being. I know that if I suddenly happened into tens of millions of dollars when I was 22, I probably would have become one of the world’s most unbearable people.

WILL●HE●IS

One of the Boys of Soma, pistol-packin’ Pat Murphy, reports that George Will‘s appearance last night at the Ivy Tech Bloomington’s O’Bannon Institute for Community Service was eye-opening.

“He’s a smart guy,” Murphy, a dyed in the wool Dem allowed about the Republican darling. “He had some really perceptive things to say last night.”

Will

Among other things, Will pointed out how difficult it will be for Mitt Romney to unseat Barack Obama in this fall’s presidential beauty contest. It’s a demographic thing, what with Romney expected to strike out big time with women, Latinos, and blacks.

Murphy added that Mayor Mark Kruzan asked Will if the Chicago Cubs will ever win the World Series. Will is a noted member of the Emil Verban Society, a boys club of Washington-insider Cubs fans (Ronald Reagan also was a member).

Will wouldn’t hazard a guess but did remind the crowd that the last time the Cubs won it all was two years before the death of Leo Tolstoy.

19th Century Man

THE FOX PIGSTY

How about that blonde, Barbie Doll manqué from Fox News who tweeted the insult yesterday about the right wing’s current fave whipping girl, Sandra Fluke?

Crowley: News? Analyst?

Fluke testified before a House Democrats caucus about the need for health insurers to cover contraception. Immediately, the anencephalics of this holy land jumped on her with both feet. Leading the bullying was Rush Limbaugh, who called her a “slut” and a “prostitute” on his nationally-broadcast radio upchuck fest.

Apparently, Fluke has announced she’s getting married. Fox News “analyst” Monica Crowley responded thusly in the Tweet-iverse:

Knowing what we know about Fox News and the pan-troglodytes who watch it, implying that Fluke was thought to be a lesbian has to be an insult.

Problem is, Monica baby, Fluke testified about her own need for contraception. Lesbian sex does not result in pregnancy. Are we clear on that now?

COLLINS WAS HUNGRY ONCE

Susan Jones, ex of the IU Enrollment Service operation, is working on a history of the Bloomington Playwrights Project.

Jones discovered recently that one of America’s hottest writers today wrote a couple of plays for the BPP back in the 1980s.

That’s right — Suzanne Collins, whose “Hunger Games” trilogy is de rigeur for literate teens (and even a lot of adults who sheepishly buy the books at the Book Corner), once was an aspiring scribe here. She earned a double major in Drama and Telecommunications from IU in 1985 and hung around town for a few years afterward.

Collins

Sounds like a good reason to take in some BPP productions this year. Who knows which future superstar’s work you’ll be seeing?

Electron Pencil event listings: Music, art, movies, lectures, parties, receptions, benefits, plays, meetings, fairs, conspiracies, rituals, etc.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Mathers Museum of World CulturesExhibits, “Blended Harmonies: Music and Religion in Nepal”; through July 1st — “Esse Quam Videri (To Be, Rather than To Be Seen): Muslim Self Portraits; through June 17th — “From the Big Bang to the World Wide Web: The Origins of Everything”; through July 1st, 9am-4:30pm

IU Grunwald (SOFA) GalleryMFA & BFA Thesis 3 exhibitions; through May 5th

Kinsey Institute GalleryArt exhibit, “Man as Object: Reversing the Gaze”; 1:30-5pm

IU HPERLecture, Jonathan Jarvis, director of the National Park Service; 3:30pm

Thrive Health & Well-Being CenterOpening reception, Donna Headrick Moore scanner and pinhole photo exhibit; 5-8pm

Madame Walker Theatre CenterJazz on the Avenue; 6pm

The Venue Fine Arts & GiftsReception for Dawn Adams exhibit, “The Art of Healing”; 6pm

IU Grunwald (SOFA) GalleryReception, MFA & BFA 3 participants; 6pm

IU Cinema“Water and Power” by Pat O’Neill; 6:30pm

Patricia’s Wellness Arts Cafe & Quilter’s Comfort TeasPoetry, “Readings for Our Earth” & open mic; 7-9pm

Rachael’s CafePark Jefferson, Marital Roles, The Greater Good; 7:30pm

Cafe DjangoSvetla Vladeva and the Eastern European Ensemble; 7:30-10pm

The Player’s PubDicky James and the Blue Flames; 8pm

IU AuditoriumMusical, “Young Frankenstein”; 8pm

IU Memorial Union, Whittenberger Auditorium — Film, “The Artist”; 8 & 11pm

Comedy AtticKumail Nanjiani; 8 & 10:30pm

The BishopDocumentary film, “Color Me Obsessed,” on the Replacements; 8pm

Max’s PlaceLouis; 8pm

The BluebirdAndy Holinden; 8pm

The Palace Theatre“Songs: The Musical”; 8pm

Bear’s PlaceZach Dubois; 9pm

Max’s PlaceSoul Kinks; 9pm

Uncle Elizabeth’sVicci Laine & the West End Girls; 10pm & Midnight

The BishopDave Walter Karaoke; 11pm

Today, Saturday, November 12, 2011

THE BROAD BRUSH

Generally when The Loved One drives me to Soma on a Saturday morning the most we offer to each other in the realm of conversation are grunts. We understand each other enough to know that human verbal intercourse is not biologically possible before we have our caffeine.

Today is different.

This Penn State thing has been on everybody’s mind this week. Even The Loved One, who doesn’t know a Nittany Lion from the Nattily Attired, has followed the story.

What In The Hell Is A Nittany Lion Anyway?

And she’s come to a conclusion.

“Here’s what I think,” she began as she negotiated the construction zone at 3rd Street and the Bypass.

My first instinct was to grunt. I reached down deep into my reserves of civility and said, “Yes, my precious angel?”

“Every man, except you and some other men I know, is a child molester,” she said.

I sat up straight. I surely wasn’t going to grunt at this pronouncement.

“Huh?”

“That’s what I believe. There are just too many incidents. It happens far too much. The only thing I can say is that the only man who’s not a child molester is a dead man.”

Wow. Normally I feel somewhat itchy about carrying the XY chromosome, what with fellow males like Rush Limbaugh, Gene Simmons, and the Rev. Fred Phelps running around loose. (Then again, the Double-X set can claim Ann Coulter and Michele Bachmann, so there!) Anyway, I suddenly felt awash in guilt by association.

If Rush Is A Guy, I Don’t Want To Be One

“But darling,” I protested, “Methinks you’re hyperbolizing. Yes, we hear about child molestation but that’s because it’s news and news usually is the unusual.”

The Loved One shook her head. “It happens everywhere. And what about the way men look at teenaged girls?”

“Well,” I said, “you have to consider this. Wouldn’t it be natural for men to look at a female just as soon as she reaches sexual maturity? I mean, a fourteen-year-old can be alluring because she’s already grown all the necessary appurtenances. But laws and mores forbid us from acting on those instincts so most men don’t.”

“That’s just what I’m getting at,” she countered. “Women see things differently than men. Women feel that if you’re thinking about it, it’s just as bad as doing it. Take ‘Lolita.’ The men who saw it probably thought, ‘Oh, it’s just a movie.’ But it deeply affected a lot of women who saw it.”

At this moment I thought I’d hit upon the coup de grace. “If what you say is true, ” I said triumphantly, “why do you exclude me and these unnamed other men you know. Aren’t we, then, child molesters, too?”

I waited for The Loved One to relent and say, “Yeah, you’re right. I exaggerated.”

And waited. And waited.

By the time we reached Indiana Avenue, I’d shrunk into a corner of the car seat. If the Prius had an ashtray, I’d have jumped in.

She pulled up in front of Soma, we kissed each other goodbye, and I watched her drive off. My wife. MY love. The woman who posits that I’m a child molester.

Marriage is a fascinating experiment.

Remind me to tell you about the time The Loved One called me gay because I knew all the words to “There Is Nothin’ Like a Dame” from “South Pacific.”

ONE IN FREAKIN’ TEN

The Herald Times (log-in required) reports this morning that voter turnout for Tuesday’s local elections was 10 percent.

Yup. Ninety percent of the enlightened, educated, broad-minded populace of Bloomington, Indiana and surrounding environs chose to give the finger to democracy.

Oh, sure, the election was pretty much a joke. After all, Mayor Mark Kruzan and City Clerk Regina Moore ran unopposed. And every single Republican who lives in this blessed county ran in the election (that would be three GOP-ers overall.)

And The Winner, In A Unanimous Decision, Is…

But there was a semblance of a race for the three at-large seats in the Bloomington Common Council. Chris Sturbaum faced a nominal challenge in the 1st council district as well.

The Me Party-ists won so many of last November’s Congressional contests in large part because voters who actually possess cerebellums stayed home.

Maybe we’re not so smart after all.

THE SECRET

So far, the Indy Colts are the worst team in the National Football League. Their record stands at 0-6.

It’s a civic embarrassment. The combined record of the Colts and the Indiana Hoosiers would be an execrable 1-15. Yech.

Clearly these are not glorious days for professional and collegiate bone snappers and ligament rippers in the great state o’Indiana.

Sad Sundays

Something had to be done so the Colts’ Jeff Saturday, a mountain of gristle and muscle who plays center, called a team meeting this week. Apparently, he roared at his mates and then revealed to them the secret to winning which he, a 13-year veteran of the human carnage that is NFL football, has learned.

He spoke about his revelation later in a press conference. “…[I]t needed to be said and I said it,” Saturday explained.

The secret? Saturday told his fellow Colts they must “play better.”

Oh.

LESS IS MORE

Speaking of sports, who do you think will have the better basketball season — the Pacers or the Hoosiers?

My vote is for the Pacers. They probably won’t play a single game now that the NBA lockout talks have devolved into the coldest of labor wars.

Grounded

YOUNG MEDIA MOGULS

Laid my mitts on a couple of local publications I’d never seen before this week. One is put out by high school aged kids, the other by college students.

“The Antagonist” is a monthly publication of Brad Wilhelm‘s Rhino’s Youth Center. Rhino’s caters to kids from the ages of 13 through 18. The fall issue of “The Antagonist” is devoted to horror, natch.

You’ll find some fairly fascinating stuff within its semi-glossy pages. James Pfister lists some of the haunted sites in and around Bloomington. The IU Career Center, so the story goes, is ghost-infested because abortions were performed in the place many years ago. Who knew?

A kid named Ricky pens a fairy tale with a moral and the aforementioned Pfister rates local buildings in their efficacy as safe havens in the event of a zombie invasion. The fourth cover features a colored pencil drawing of Puffy the Vampire Bear.

Nice work.

The Black Sheep” bills itself as “A college newspaper that’s actually about college,” which I suppose is a jab at the IDS for running stories about silly things like local news and world events.

The tabloid provides a guide to lying to loved ones when the college student returns home for Thanksgiving. There’s plenty of value in that. Hell, I’m 55 and I still fudge things when I report back to the clan for the holidays.

An attached photo also endorses alcohol as a therapeutic bracer against the onslaught of kin. Count me in again. Man, I’ve contemplated dosing myself with morphine when forced to rub shoulders with my blood relations.

On the other hand, “The Black Sheep” descends into over-weening snarkiness at times. Here’s an example. In a piece about IU being an alcohol-free campus, the writer types, “… it is supposed to be dryer than Mother Theresa’s (sic) corpse’s vag.”

So “The Antagonist” is refreshing and creative while “The Black Sheep” is world-weary and shock-jock-y. That can describe the difference between many 14-year-olds and 19-year-olds.

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