Category Archives: InfoWars

646 Words: The Joke’s on the Joker

Definitions from Merriam-Webster:

Laughingstock: Noun, an object of ridicule.

JokeNoun, something said or done to provoke laughter or cause amusement, as a witticism, a short and amusing anecdote, or a prankish act.

If Alex Jones’ old InfoWars website wasn’t so hateful, deceptive, inane, hurtful, and…, and…, well, you get the picture, it’d have been a laughingstock. Jones was the noxious gasbag who, during the years of InfoWars’ ascension, polluted the airwaves and the internet with preposterous accusations and outright lies. For instance, Pink News in 2018 published a list of “The 11 Craziest Conspiracy Theories InfoWars Pushed about LGBT People.” Here they are:

  1. Barack Obama is having gay sex with 10 dudes a day
  2. Schools are turning your kids gay to make them want to have sex with your car
  3. Violent lesbians are coming to eat your brains
  4. Drag queens are putting chemicals in the water to recruit your child
  5. Joan Rivers was murdered for calling Michelle Obama transgender
  6. Anderson Cooper is an undercover CIA agaent sent to take down Donald Trump
  7. Lady Gaga is a Nazi stanic goddess and her Super Bowl performance was an eleborate ritual to summon the anitchrist
  8. The governemtn is putting chemicals in the water and turning frogs gay
  9. The US is getting ready to nuke the “fairies and pansies” in China
  10. LGBT people are creating cyborgs to destroy civilization

The eleventh item was just a catchall for Jone’s long history of mentioning, slurring, libeling, and obsessing about LGBTQI people.

Jones thought and opined about LGBTQI people a lot. A lot.

I wonder why. In any case, that’s a matter for him and his shrink.

Jones would go off on every other hot-button issue, too, making crazy shit up, amplifying other conspiracy theorists’ wet dreams, and demonizing anybody who didn’t own a pickup truck that rolled coal.

Alex Jones’ Kind of People.

By 2017, InfoWars was getting more than ten million views/listens/clicks a month. Jones made hundreds of millions of dollars peddling his fuckery. That says more about America than a hundred elementary school US history textbooks ever could. Oh, and guess who dug the hell out of Alex Jones — need I reveal this person now lives on Pennsylvania Avenue in DC?

It all came tumbling down for Jones after the horrifying Sandy Hook massacre. Jones screeched that the shooting and killings were staged, popularizing the term “crisis actors,” and convincing millions of coal rollers that all those grieving parents were in on the scam.

Those parents, doubly traumatized, responded by suing the bejesus out of Jones. They won and Jones was forced into the earthly hell of bankruptcy. Of course, I can only hope and pray there is an afterlife hell, if only to house the likes of Alex Jones for eternity.

Jones’ bankruptcy executors are seeking a purchaser for InfoWars, as a way to maximize financial payouts to the parents who sued him. Lo and behold, one of the potential buyers for the media operation is The Onion.

Yep. That fabulous, indispensable satiric website, one of my go-to reads since the early ’90s. Just this week, The Onion has proffered a plan to license the InfoWars name and infrastructure so it can begin publishing a parody version of it.

I hope the plan is accepted. There’s scads of legal folderol that have to be navigated, sure, but the sooner Jones and his evil creation become punch lines, the better.

You might say it’ll never be appropriate to laugh at such poison. I’ll counter with Mel Brooks’ masterpiece, The Producers. Staged on Broadway just 22 years after Hitler’s Nazi’s were crushed, The Producers brought down the house with ditties like “Springtime for Hitler.”

Don’t be stupid/

Be a smarty.

Come and join/

the Nazi party!

From the Movie, The Producers.

Brilliant! It’s never too soon to reduce the worst among us to laughingstocks.

Alex Jones and his Infowars were never jokes when they were at their height.

They are now.

Hot Air

Hide And Seek

Alright-ee-o — here’s a list of as many Malyasia Air Flight 370 theories as I could find (before I was driven to stick a fork in my eye.):

● From the New York Daily News:

The North Koreans snatched it and plan to put a nuke onboard and fly it over some as-yet unnamed target.

● From the Christianist apocalypse fetishists at End Times Headlines:

Members of the Chinese Martyrs Brigade hijacked it because…, well, maybe because they were feeling cranky that day.

● From crunchy, organic, tinfoil hat site Natural News:

Some “entirely new, mysterious and powerful force is at work on our planet which can pluck airplanes out of the sky without leaving behind a shred of evidence.”

Peter Cushing

I Shall Rule The World!

● Sticking with the wingnut Left, 9/11 Truthers are pouring out of the woodwork thanks to the disappearance. From Truther News:

The Chinese grabbed the jet and will soon use it to carry out a 9/11-style attack in the US.

● From Before It’s News:

Representatives of the US corporation Freescale Semiconductor, Inc. were on board and they carried with them the company’s technology that can make a jet “disappear” from radar screens. They’re doing this, natch, to prove to the world it can be done.

● From Agenda NWO (that stands for New World Order, for those of you not up on your garden-variety paranoiac groups):

In this video, the announcer tells us the jet carried passengers from the Ukraine, Russia, and the United States. Also, while it was flying across Malaysia, a “military jet” was simultaneously crossing Malaysia air space. So, therefore, um…, who knows? But isn’t it all suspicious?

● And, of course, the ultra-demented Alex Jones chimed in on his InfoWars site:

The jet was teleported through a “stargate” that uses principles of the quantum theory to blah, blah, blah.

[Big Mike note: Whenever someone who is not a physicist with a specialization in quantum mechanics bandies about the word quantum, ignore him or her.]

Okay that’s enough now. My eyeball jelly is starting to run down my cheeks.

Freedom

Let’s talk Bill of Rights. Another Bill of Rights.

President Franklin Roosevelt, during his State of the Union address of January 11, 1944, proposed an Economic Bill of Rights, which he also called a Second Bill of Rights.

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He said:

We have come to the clear realization of the fact that true individual freedom cannot exist without economic security and independence…. People who are hungry and out of a job are the stuff of which dictatorships are made.

In our day, these economic truths have become self-evident. We have accepted, so to speak, a second Bill of Rights under which a new basis of security and prosperity can be established for all, regardless of station, race, or creed.

He went on to call for, among other things

  • The right to a useful, well-paying job
  • The right to afford adequate food, clothing, and recreation
  • The right to decent housing
  • The right to adequate medical care, as well as overall good health
  • The right to insurance against poverty in old age, sickness, accident, and unemployment
  • The right to a good education

Franklin Roosevelt, you may recall from your post-school readings of history, was accused of being a socialist, a communist, someone whose goal was to destroy America, and a traitor to his class. All because, as he said, “…[W]e must be prepared to move forward, in the implementation of these rights, to new goals of human happiness and well-being.”

Hardly a thing has changed in nearly a quarter of a century. Sure, we’ve got unemployment insurance and Medicare, but the same type of people who demonized Roosevelt are trying to convince us now that we ought to dump those “failed” plans. And today, people who throw around the word freedom promiscuously and with impunity tell us we can only be free if we have piles of guns, more of them than we’d ever need, and our businesses are unregulated.

That’s freedom? Nah. That’s idiotic.

Anyway, watch Roosevelt talk about his Second Bill of Rights.

The Answer To All Our Problems

Ready for some science fiction? Okay. By 2020, there will be a working machine in southern France called a tokamak. Basically, it will be a magnetic chamber suspending a human-made star in midair within a hermetically sealed housing.

This artificial star will be able to generate energy. If its designers and patrons all have their way, it will replace conventional nuclear power, oil-burning, natural gas, fracking, and hydroelectric power as the planet’s primary means of making our coffee grinders and hair dryers go.

The machine itself will weigh 23,000 tons. Its design specs take up 1.8 terabytes of memory. When the machine is switched on, it will generate at its core a temperature of 200,000,000 ℃ Like every other (natural) star in the Universe, it will run on hydrogen. In the process of generating power, it will convert that hydrogen to helium.

Its waste, in other words, will be that harmless gas, already the second most plentiful substance in existence.

Serling

Where Is Rod Serling When You Need Him?

Now, ready for reality? The machine I’ve just described is now under construction. It’s called the International Thermonuclear Experimental Reactor (ITER). It makes CERN’s Large Hadron Collider look like an iPod. Scientists and administrators from 35 countries, including the United States, Russia, European Union, Japan, South Korea, and India are working feverishly on the project. So much so, many of them feel compelled to take stress leaves.

And it’s no wonder. The countries involved in this project representing more than half of living humanity and will be expected to pony up some $20 billion. And, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, the tokamak in France is the single most ambitious, complicated, and expensive scientific engineering endeavor in human history. So, naturally, scientists and bean counters working on it are losing sleep, their hair and, quite possibly, their minds.

Too bad Rube Goldberg isn’t around to help.

Rube Goldberg Fly Swatter

Click Image To Enlarge

I get all this information from an eye-opening article written by Raffi Khatchadourian in the March 3 edition of the New Yorker. Read it. You don’t need a particle physics or astrophysics background to grasp the thing.

ITER

Artist’s Concept of the ITER

This machine just might be the answer to all our fuel and pollution problems. Or it’ll be a monumental bust. Or — yikes! — it’ll blow us all to smithereens.

We’ll see. We’re willing to take a lot of risks to keep our coffee grinders and hair dryers humming.

[BTW: Here’s a bucket of cold water splashed on the whole ITER idea by the science-in-journalism wonks at MIT.]

Hot Air, Chilled Out

Life Challenges

Before we think about anything else, let’s think about this:

◗ Up to 10,000 human beings dead

◗ Hundreds of thousands without food, water, electricity, or shelter

◗ Infrastructure damage of more than $2 billion USD

◗ Agricultural damage of more than $8 billion USD

◗ Death, injuries, and destruction in the nations of Micronesia, Palau, Philippines, Vietnam, and China

Satellite View

Typhoon Haiyan Slams Into The Philippines

You and I, my friends, have no problems today.

Personal Responsibility

We’re going to take a break from the slaughter in the streets of Bloomington over the naming of a new general manager at radio station WFHB. You know — a city divided against itself, brother against brother, and all that. With the grace of god and the tender mercies of men and women of peace, the blood may soon stop flowing.

Well, okay, at least the snippy comments, sidelong looks, and emphatic harrumphs may cease; Bloomington is not Syria so we have to take pride in whatever civil war we can muster.

Anyway, a story out of Texas — where else? — has been sticking in my craw the last week as Bloomingtonians girded themselves against the invasion of Kevin Culbertson.

You’ve probably seen the story on your preferred social media outlet or on newsy sites ranging from Think Progress to InfoWars. It seems some kid went to school one day last week and stood in line for his breakfast. He comes from a needy family so his breakfast is discounted. The way it works, his mother pays into an account, which is debited each time he sits down to eat at school. If his account is tapped out, he’ll be denied his grub.

Turns out the kid’s account was shy 30 cents on the day in question. The cafeteria servers wouldn’t give him his tray. He called his mom who, in turn, called the school and said she’d be right over to throw some cash into the account. But that, apparently, wasn’t good enough for the cafeteria servers. They dumped his tray in the garbage and told the kid to scoot to class.

His mother told reporters afterward: “There were kids all around him. I think he may have been a little embarrassed and upset and, of course, hungry.”

School officials told reporters thems the rules and they ain’t nuffin’ they can do about it.

Scene from "Oliver!"

“Please Sir, Can I Have Some More?”

Maybe so. Rules are rules and if we don’t follow them all of society will devolve into chaos and next thing you know men will be able to marry men and brown-skinned commies will be elected president.

Honestly, what else are officious bureaucrats supposed to say?

So I won’t quibble with the spokesbeings for the Dickinson, Texas, Independent School District.

I will, though, happily deliver verbal slaps to those cafeteria servers.

Is it so important to you to follow every single goddamned trivial rule, I would ask (correction: demand), that you’d humiliate a 12-year-old kid and deny him his breakfast?

It was 30 cents, for pity’s sake! Thirty goddamned cents. You mean to say you couldn’t have fished out a nickel and a quarter from your own pockets just to save him from humiliation and make sure his belly was full for a day of learning?

And let’s say none of the cafeteria servers could scrape up the 30 cents. Couldn’t they have just given him his tray and forgotten about the pennies he owed? I mean, if they felt it was so important, they could have pulled him aside and said, Look, kid, tell your mom to keep your account up to date.

The original story about this incident ran on Houston TV station KTRK, an ABC affiliate. Several grafs down in the piece, reporter Erik Barajas says it’s not known if the Dickinson ISD will change its procedures so this kind of thing won’t happen again.

I say screw the ISD, Erik. You should have peppered the cafeteria servers with the very questions I pose above. Organizations, departments, and bureaucracies are chock full of rules and regs that can’t be violated on penalty of death. It’s human beings who put these strictures, even the silliest of them, into action.

And human beings denied a 12-year-old his breakfast, humiliating him as part of the bargain.

Over 30 cents.

You want a revolution? Here’s the clarion call for it: People of America! Violate stupid regulations and procedures! Disobey officious, idiotic bosses!

What happened in Dickinson wasn’t a problem with the system; it was a lack of individual human decency.