“Obviously crime pays, or there’d be no crime.” — G. Gordon Liddy
NIXON WOULD BE PROUD
Before I even begin this particular howl, I’ll remind readers that both the Republicans and Democrats have long, storied histories of stealing votes and even whole elections.
The Ballot Box That Put LBJ Over The Top
That caveat out of the way, I can barely control my indignation over the latest GOP dirty trick.
It’s getting personal now.
A little background: Saturday morning, the Boys of Soma were sitting around reminding each other through unverifiable anecdotes how clever, strong, and sexually potent we are. By and by, it sank in that if we continued to lie to each other loudly, some outside observers might begin to consider us liars. And that wouldn’t do.
So we settled into a brief quiet. And then Saunders piped up.
“I’m very disappointed in Nicole (not her real name),” he said, dolefully.
The rest of us glanced at each other. Nicole is an honorary Boy of Soma. Some consider her, in fact, the leader of the B of S because, well, she could probably kick the hell out of most of us. Okay, any of us.
Nicole is cherished for a variety of reasons. She’s smart, athletic, outspoken, direct, and one or two of the Boys has been known to become dreamy-eyed while watching her exit the coffeehouse. There is a general agreement within our ranks that her husband, Rod (again, not his real name) is a man to be envied.
No one has ever uttered a discouraging word about Nicole. That is, before Saunders piped up Saturday.
“What is it?” Tough Guy Mac demanded. “What’s the matter with Nicole?” I may be wrong but I think he may have balled his fists.
“Didja see who she’s going for in the election?” Saunders countered.
“No, who?” Mac and Irish Pat said as one.
Saunders dropped the bombshell. “Romney,” he said.
No, No, Say It Ain’t So!
We uttered a collective gasp. Even Barista Jericho’s iPod, heard over the room speakers at the time, stopped playing.
“Naw!” Tough Guy Mac said, waving Saunders off.
“Can’t be,” Irish Pat said.
“Whaddya talking about?” I said.
Saunders shrugged. “Look at her Facebook page,” he said.
So I pulled out the old machine and logged in. Sure enough, there it was, in a pretty display of electrons: “Nicole Magnuson Likes Mitt Romney.”
Can It Be?
Again, we fell silent. Gloom settled over our corner of the place.
“Well,” I said, “I’m gonna have to have some words with that young lady.”
“Somebody’s gonna have to,” Irish Pat said.
“I wish she was here right now so we could find out what the hell’s goin’ on,” Tough Guy Mac said.
“In fact, I’m gonna send her a message right now,” I said. Nicole at the time was out of town, in Cincinnati visiting her dear old mother. I clacked out a message telling her I was heartbroken that she’d disappointed us so.
Bang, a return message came back within seconds. “What? What’d I do?” she’d typed.
After a brief discussion during which the three of us at Soma marveled that even so backward a hamlet as Cincinnati now has the Internet, we agreed on the wording of our indictment.
Cincinnati Has Entered The 20th Century — Who Knew?
“We’re sitting here with our faces in our hands, weeping unashamedly,” I wrote. “None of us can believe it. You…, you…, you like Romney! There. I’ve said it!”
What followed was a long, outraged recount from Nicole of the dirty trick that’d been played on her. It seems someone’s busy these days hacking into people’s Facebook accounts and making them “Like” Mitt Romney.
Apparently, Mitt Romney is trying to get 8 million Likes. I suppose it’s some kind of weird political penis envy, considering that Barack Obama’s page has some 30 million Likes.
In any case, a dark, as yet unindicted soul within the Romney camp is behind this outrage.
Funny how one of Mitt’s talking points is that Barack Obama has been trying to turn people against each other. His own campaign almost came between Nicole and us.
When all was said and done, Nicole zinged me with this one: “I’m the one who should be disappointed with you. You should know me better than to think I’d go for Romney. I thought we were friends.”
The only events listings you need in Bloomington.
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012
Brought to you by The Electron Pencil: Bloomington Arts, Culture, Politics, and Hot Air. Daily.
ART ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron Center, outside WFHB Studios — Public participation in creating a ten-foot sculpture called “The Angel,” Rain or shine; 9am-5pm
SALE ◗ IU Morrison Hall — Kinsey Institute Library Book Sale; 9am-5pm
STUDIO TOUR ◗ Brown County, various locations — The Backroads of Brown County Studio Tour, free, self-guided tour of 16 local artists’ & craftspersons’ studios; 10am-5pm, through October
CLASS ◗ Monroe County Public Library — Dating Your Old Family Photos; 4pm
CLASS ◗ Purdue Extension, 3400 S. Walnut St. — 2012 Monroe County Citizens’ Academy, Learn how county government works; 6-9pm
CLASS ◗ Monroe County Public Library — Lights, Camera, Write: An Introduction to the Art of Screenwriting, 8-session course; 6:30-8:30pm, through November 28th (except November 21st)
MUSIC ◗ Muddy Boots Cafe, Nashville — Lloyd Wood; 7-9pm
MUSIC ◗ Cafe Django — Tom Miller; 7pm
LECTURE ◗ Monroe County Public Library — “Money in the 2012 Elections,” presented by Marjorie Hershey of the IU Political Science Department; 7pm
VARIETY ◗ Buskirk Chumley Theater — IU’s Got Talent; 7pm
PERFORMANCE ◗ Unity of Bloomington Church — Auditions and rehearsal, Bloomington Peace Choir; 7pm
MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Faculty Recital: Carl Lenthe on trombone, Kimberly Carballo on piano; 7pm
CLASS ◗ IU Lilly Library — Lifelong Learning Series: We’re Off to See the Wizard, On the life and work of L. Frank Baum, 3 weekly sessions through October 17th; 7pm
FILM ◗ IU Cinema — “Gun Hill Road,” with personal appearance by actor Esai Morales; 7pm
FILM ◗ SoFA, Room 102 — “The Cove,” Part of the Animal Behavior Film Series; 7pm
FILM ◗ IU Memorial Union, Whittenberger Auditorium — UB Films: “Turn Me On, Dammit!“; 7:30pm
MUSIC ◗ Max’s Place — Open mic; 7:30pm
MUSIC ◗ The Player’s Pub — Sarah’s Swing Set; 8pm
MUSIC ◗ IU Musical Arts Center — Philharmonic Orchestra, David Efron, conductor, performs Mahler; 8pm
GAMES ◗ The Root Cellar at Farm Bloomington — Team trivia, new night; 8pm
DANCING ◗ Harmony School — Contra dancing; 8pm
MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Doctoral Recital: Ilya Friedberg on piano; 8:30pm
ASTRONOMY ◗ IU Kirkwood Observatory — Open house, public viewing through the main telescope; 8:30pm
MUSIC ◗ The Bluebird — The Main Squeeze; 9pm
MUSIC ◗ The Bishop — Wilder Maker, Hotfox, Bonesetters; 9:30pm
ART ◗ IU Art Museum — Exhibits:
- “New Acquisitions,” David Hockney; through October 21st
- Paintings by Contemporary Native American Artists; through October 14th
- “Paragons of Filial Piety,” by Utagawa Kuniyoshi; through December 31st
- “Intimate Models: Photographs of Husbands, Wives, and Lovers,” by Julia Margaret, Cameron, Edward Weston, & Harry Callahan; through December 31st
- “French Printmaking in the Seventeenth Century;” through December 31st
- Celebration of Cuban Art & Film: Pop-art by Joe Tilson; through December 31st
- “Workers of the World, Unite!” through December 31st
ART ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron Center — Exhibits:
- “Ab-Fab — Extreme Quilting,” by Sandy Hill; October 5th through October 27th
- “Street View — Bloomington Scenes,” by Tom Rhea; October 5th through October 27th
- “From the Heartwoods,” by James Alexander Thom; October 5th through October 27th
- “The Spaces in Between,” by Ellen Starr Lyon; October 5th through October 27th
ART ◗ IU SoFA Grunwald Gallery — Exhibit:
- “Samenwerken,” Interdisciplinary collaborative multi-media works; through October 11th
ART ◗ IU Kinsey Institute Gallery — Exhibits opening September 28th:
- “A Place Aside: Artists and Their Partners;” through December 20th
- “Gender Expressions;” through December 20th
PHOTOGRAPHY ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World Cultures — Exhibit:
- “CUBAmistad” photos
ART ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World Cultures — Exhibits:
- “¡Cuba Si! Posters from the Revolution: 1960s and 1970s”
- “From the Big Bang to the World Wide Web: The Origins of Everything”
- “Thoughts, Things, and Theories… What Is Culture?”
- “Picturing Archaeology”
- “Personal Accents: Accessories from Around the World”
- “Blended Harmonies: Music and Religion in Nepal”
- “The Day in Its Color: A Hoosier Photographer’s Journey through Mid-century America”
- “TOYing with Ideas”
- “Living Heritage: Performing Arts of Southeast Asia”
- “On a Wing and a Prayer”
BOOKS ◗ IU Lilly Library — Exhibit:
- “Outsiders and Others:Arkham House, Weird Fiction, and the Legacy of HP Lovecraft;” through November 1st
- “A World of Puzzles,” selections form the Slocum Puzzle Collection
PHOTOGRAPHY ◗ Soup’s On — Exhibit:
- Celebration of Cuban Art & Culture: “CUBAmistad photos; through October
PHOTOGRAPHY ◗ Monroe County History Center — Exhibit:
- “Bloomington: Then and Now,” presented by Bloomington Fading; through October 27th
ARTIFACTS ◗ Monroe County History Center — Exhibit:
- “Doctors and Dentists: A Look into the Monroe County Medical professions“
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