I’ve been reading Bill Maher’s new book, What This Comedian Said Will Shock You. I like Bill Maher. I don’t agree with everything he says; let’s call it a 75/25 percent split, my liking/disliking his bits. A friend of mine calls himself a “Bill Maher Democrat,” which seems to be a good a descriptor as can be imagined for a certain type.
There’s not another human being on this planet with whom I agree about every single thing. That includes even The Loved One, to whom I’ve been hitched up since 2008. That’s what’s most troubling about the MAGA crowd; too many of them treat the former president’s pronouncements as divine gospel. And while the Republican traditional tendency to “fall in line” has reached its apotheosis re: the convicted former Commander-in-Chief, a growing number of folks on my side of the fence have also become knee-jerk devotees to whatever the latest liberal, progressive, or Democratic Party orthodoxy is. Maybe they’re doing so in reaction to the Republicans marching in lockstep since the time of Nixon. Me? I don’t like it no matter who’s doing it.
In his book, Maher talks about this holy land’s presidential campaigns, marathons that now can span up to two years. In fact, it can be argued the 2028 presidential campaign will begin the morning after this year’s Election Day. Maher posits that American presidential races last so long because, essentially, we’re stupid. He points out that the UK’s prime minister contests typically last just five weeks or so and France’s races for its leaders are even shorter.
Whenever anybody suggests we truncate our presidential campaigns, Maher argues, the best counter to it is we need so much time because we’re woefully uninformed, intentionally dumb, and way too busy paying attention to diversions like sports and celebrity-watching to spend any decent amount of time on stuff like world affairs, social justice, economics, and other real world matters. The British and the French, the argument goes, entertain such weighty thoughts as a matter of course. We have to have those concerns hammered into our heads over months and years.
I don’t buy it. Take the British, for example. If you’d canvass the crowd at a football match in, say, West Bromwich you’d find the typical partisan there as lunkheaded and oblivious about the wider world as any in the crowd at baseball’s Globe Life Field in Arlington, Texas. Sure, Americans are spectacularly dimwitted, but then again, so is the rest of the world.
The truth of the matter is our presidential races last so long because they’ve become sports contests. Games. My side against yours. We’re better, smarter, more patriotic than you are. We’re gonna win!
US presidential campaigns are analogous to baseball seasons inasmuch as they last forever and there’s a result virtually every single day. How close are we to victory? Today we’re optimistic because of last night’s good news. Tomorrow we may be discouraged depending on the latest polls or gaffes committed by our candidates or even the highs and lows of the stock market.
Tune in to a TV or radio news report on any given day and you’re bound to hear a report from some obscure outpost in the hinterlands, a diner or a church basement, where just plain folks gab about who they want for president. If it’s in, say Iowa, you’ll likely be depressed because they’ll be Trumpists. If it’s in the Hyde Park neighborhood of Chicago, they’ll be cheering for Harris. Like last night’s box score, each of these reports is a tiny snippet edging you closer to the end of the season, adding to your team’s won-lost record.
Media corporations love this day to day drama because it hooks us. We eat it all up. You have to listen or watch because you have to know what the future holds.
It’s in the best insterests of CNN, ABC, NPR, CNBC, and the rest for this long season to grow ever lengthier.
The thing is, whatever tick up or down our candidate experiences in last night’s or today’s polls doesn’t matter one iota to the vast majority of us. It would if we were campaign managers or political consultants, sure. But there are 333 million of us, the political non-professionals, some 175 million of whom will vote in November. We ain’t all strategizing national campaigns, for chrissakes!
I’m not suggesting we ignore honest analyses about the candidates’ positions or reports on real conditions here and abroad. That’s the kind of stuff we have to keep tabs on in order to be responsible citizens.
But whenever any of these poll updates or reports from Iowa diners come on I leap up to turn the radio off. They only serve to manipulate my mood and I’m bipolar enough already, thanks.
I bet you’d be happier doing the same.