Believe it or not, I’m speechless. Me.
Well, almost. Here’s my speech:
I am flattered and honored. I’m feeling lucky and blessed (whatever that means), by the outpouring of support I’ve received this first week after I monetized The Pencil.
I simply can’t believe all the wonderful donations I’ve gotten. And two or three of the folks who’ve tossed cash my way are not exactly rolling in the stuff either. Throughout the five years I’ve been pounding The Pencil out (as well as the four years before that I spent contributing to The Third City), I’ve occasionally endured stretches when I wonder why I do it and, more importantly, if anyone cares.
I’ve learned you do care. And make no mistake — I love you all back. To pieces!
Make no mistake redux: This site will remain free. Give only if you want — and to all those who’ve done so already, thanks.
What I Really Want
Okay, you want to know what a liberal is? It’s me. And here’s my laundry list, the satisfaction of which will make me inordinately proud and happy to be an American:
- Guaranteed, single-payer, universal health care
- Free public education from pre-school through advanced college degrees
- Affordable, dependable public transportation
- Affordable, dependable broadband
- Internet neutrality
- No cap on income to deduct Social Security taxes
- A livable minimum wage tied to an independently-set poverty-level figure
- Paid family and medical leave
- A resurrection of Glass-Steagal
- A simple pathway to citizenship
- A month-long voting season with conveniently located polls for the duration
- Mandatory voting
- Abolish the Electoral College
- Reverse Citizens United
- Public financing of all local, state, and federal elections
- Create a College of Lobbyists — legislators must not meet or communicate with lobbyists outside a designated area within the Capitol that has a public gallery viewing; Lobbyists register and schedule informational talks that senators can attend voluntarily. This way, legislators get needed information on topics as well as advocacy groups’ arguments for or against proposed laws. Any contact between lobbyists and legislators outside this arena may be punishable by jail.
- Mandatory voting
- Universal military/social service
- Restriction on the sales of automatic firearms and armor-piercing ammunition
- Restrictions on cross-media holdings as well as a strict limit on the number of media outlets a single entity may own
- Revival of the Equal Rights Amendment
- Strict enforcement of all civil rights legislation
Then, once all that has been enacted or otherwise accomplished, we can concentrate on maintaining the strongest military in the world because, at long last, we’d have a nation worth defending.
What Did They Expect?
A lot of National Football League owners are crying because President Gag called for a boycott of the league’s games. The current president, they feel, is a mean old ogre, not because he grabs women’s pussies or wants to vaporize an entire Asian nation or even because white supremacist and neo-Nazi organizations love him to death, but because — horrors! — his tweets just might hurt their bottom line.
Players Demonstrate During The Anthem Yesterday
A lot of those same owners contributed big money to Li’l Duce‘s campaign and to his inauguration.
Personal to those owners: Tough shit; you asked for it.
If you can’t beat ’em, blow ’em up. That’s pretty much our current president’s modus operandi.
To wit: the website for the ACA will be down for maintenance at key times during the health care program’s enrollment period.
What Do Scientists Know?
As this holy land turns further and further away from science, other nations on this mad, mad planet are embracing real, hard knowledge.
Take Sweden. That country actually demands its aspiring drivers know a few things about basic physics. Why? Simple: Physics is the study of matter and motion. A car, which is usually a ton and a half or more of matter, often is in motion at the rate of 40, 50, or 60 miles per hour. When that much matter hits you at that speed, you’re dead.
The idea being, the more you know about mass and velocity, the more you’ll understand how to control your two and a half tons of speeding stuff.
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