Category Archives: Ambrose Bierce

Hot Air

If You Poison Us, Do We Not Die?

Hey babies, just in case you’re contemplating bumping off a loved one this spring, Bloomington’s Science Cafe has the session for you. Tuesday night at Finch’s Brasserie, Indiana University chemistry prof Kate Rech‘ll fill you in on all the ins and outs of dosing your wayward spouse.

Pay no att’n, BTW, to the S. Cafe’s website which states the The Science of Poison will be March 31st. It won’t be. It’s the 24th. Got it?

Poison

No, No, Not This Poison

Anyway, including Tuesday’s there are only three more Cafes before the semester concludes. Trust me, you have to take advantage of this thing. It’s one of the great perks of living in a college town. Think of it: free basic college-level lectures at a pretty good eating and drinking establishment. You can have a tasty bowl of soup or a gourmet pizza or you can get sloshed on good vino all while improving your mind. Sounds like heaven to me.

If you’re not interested in poisoning anybody, you might catch April’s session, Halting Climate Change by 2050, presented by chemist and ocean conservationist Norman Holy.

Kate Rech’s speil will begin at 6:30pm in the upstairs meeting room and bar.

Speaking of mind improvements, The Pencil always pretends to be informative. F’rinstance, here’s 19th Century journalist and author Ambrose Bierce on one particular variety of poison, from his delightful book, The Devil’s Dictionary:

Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

Bierce

Ambrose Bierce

From The Ashes

Bob Costello, majordomo of the eatery empire centered around the Grant and Kirkwood intersection, tells The Pencil the rebuild of his Village Deli is moving along on schedule. The place is still on a pace to reopen the second week of April. If all goes well, acc’d’g to C., he’ll throw the doors open again Monday morning, April 6th.

Since the back end of the joint burned down in January, the V.D.’s 60 employees have been getting paid, thanks to Costello’s top-end business insurance policy. Plus, he tells me, he’s been offering his people a deal wherein for every hour they put in as volunteers at one of the many service orgs. around town, he’ll pay them two hours of their normal wage. He expects at least 80 percent of his staff to return when the Deli reopens.

Costello and his wife Kari also own Soma Coffee and the Laughing Planet.

Where Was Ted Bred?

So, Ted Cruz is set to make his big announcement in a Monday press conference.

Yup, he wants to become the first foreign-born president of this holy land and how delicious an irony is that? I wonder how many white people will shriek and moan about his birthplace.

Cruz

Foreigner

Born In The USA

Well, at least our current Prez was.

The Pencil Today:

THE QUOTE

Acadame, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.” — Ambrose Bierce

SANDUSKY’S CO-CONSPIRATORS

“The most saddening finding by the Special Investigative Counsel is the total and consistent disregard by the most senior leaders at Penn State for the safety and welfare of Sandusky’s child victims.”

So there you have it. The official damnation of Penn State University by former FBI chief Louis Freeh’s gumshoes.

The Freeh report was released this morning.

And, no, this is no outside slam job. Freeh et al were hired by Penn State to dig into the sludge that threatens to drown the institution.

This is more satisfying even than the guilty verdict Jerry Sandusky earned after years of sodomizing 10-year-old boys. He’s a sick man. But his superiors at Penn State gave him license to fuck and blow children and to force them to blow him.

Now, riot over that one, Penn State faithful.

PSU Erected A Statue Of The Unindicted And Thankfully Dead Joe Paterno

DUMB TIMES

Have you caught Jimmie Walker’s latest act yet.

The “actor” who played JJ on the 70’s CBS-TV sitcom “Good Times” is doing the grand tour promoting his memoir. It’s called “Dyn-o-MITE: Good Times, Bad Times, Our Times,” the catchword, of course, being his great contribution to American culture.

Walker doesn’t like Barack Obama.

“Sometimes even a brother, you have to let him go,” Walker told Bill O’Reilly yesterday.

Walker, you may recall, won precisely zero Emmy Awards for his portrayal of a jiving, shucking Negro on the show. Walker’s JJ made Stepin Fetchit and Little Black Sambo look like George Washington Carver.

Now he’s talking politics. On Fox News, no less.

Oh, just a little irony here. Walker was the beneficiary of a Great Society program when he attended a federally-funded writing class for unemployed youth after he graduated from high school.

We taxpayers want our money back.

WE’RE NUMBER…, UM…, WHERE ARE WE?

Bummer!

Bloomington did not make the list of coolest college towns on Ranker.com.

Here they are, in order:

  • Boulder, Colorado
  • Austin, Texas
  • Ann Arbor, Michigan
  • Berkeley, California
  • Madison, Wisconsin
  • Burlington, Vermont
  • Charlottesville, Virginia
  • Washington, DC

Georgetown Students Can See Mitch McConnell On The Streets On Any Given Day

  • Santa Cruz, California
  • Oxford, Mississippi
  • Eugene, Oregon
  • Amherst, Massachusetts
  • Chapel Hill, North Carolina
  • Cambridge, Massachusetts
  • Iowa City, Iowa
  • Athens, Georgia
  • Tuscaloosa, Alabama

The Tuscaloosa Motel 6

  • Richmond, Virginia
  • Gainesville, Florida
  • Los Angeles
  • Durham, North Carolina
  • Clemson, South Carolina
  • Knoxville, Tennessee
  • Atlanta

Honestly? Washington, DC?

Tuscaloosa?

Jeez, you’d think Leo Cook’s weekly Bloomington’s Got Talent! show at the Bluebird alone would earn us a spot on the list. Go figure.

Electron Pencil event listings: Music, art, movies, lectures, parties, receptions, games, benefits, plays, meetings, fairs, conspiracies, rituals, etc.

◗ IU Simon Music LibraryGuest lecturer Professor David Castilo speaks about 18th Century Brazilian music; 5pm

Bear’s PlaceJaniece Jaffe; 5:30pm

Janiece Jaffe

Third Street ParkOutdoor concert series, Bloomington Community Band; 6:30pm

◗ IU Ford HallLatin American Music Center Guest Series: Recordist David Castilo plays Brazilian music; 7PM

Muddy Boots Cafe, Nashville — Homebrew; 6-8:30pm

Panache DanceLocal First July mixer, wine, cheese, and Samba dancing; 7-8:30pm

◗ IU Wells-Metz TheatreMusical, “You Can’t Take It With You”; 7:30pm

Monroe County History CenterArchitectural history researcher Bill Coulter speaks about how to trace the history of your building; 7pm

The Player’s PubTwo for the Show; 8pm

◗ IU Auer HallSummer Music Series: Recital participants in the IU Summer Percussion Academy; 8pm

The Comedy AtticChelsea Peretti; 8pm

Chelsea Peretti

Serendipity Martini BarTeam trivia; 8:30pm

The BluebirdNew Old Cavalry; 9pm

Uncle Elizabeth’sKaraoke; 9pm

Ongoing:

◗ Ivy Tech Waldron CenterExhibits:

  • John D. Shearer, “I’m Too Young For This  @#!%”; through July 30th
  • Claire Swallow, ‘Memoir”; through July 28th
  • Dale Gardner, “Time Machine”; through July 28th
  • Sarah Wain, “That Takes the Cake”; through July 28th
  • Jessica Lucas & Alex Straiker, “Life Under the Lens — The Art of Microscopy”; through July 28th

◗ IU Art MuseumExhibits:

  • Qiao Xiaoguang, “Urban Landscape: A Selection of Papercuts” ; through August 12th
  • “A Tribute to William Zimmerman,” wildlife artist; through September 9th
  • Willi Baumeister, “Baumeister in Print”; through September 9th
  • Annibale and Agostino Carracci, “The Bolognese School”; through September 16th
  • “Contemporary Explorations: Paintings by Contemporary Native American Artists”; through October 14th
  • David Hockney, “New Acquisitions”; through October 21st
  • Utagawa Kuniyoshi, “Paragons of Filial Piety”; through fall semester 2012
  • Julia Margaret Cameron, Edward Weston, & Harry Callahan, “Intimate Models: Photographs of Husbands, Wives, and Lovers”; through December 31st
  • “French Printmaking in the Seventeenth Century”; through December 31st

◗ IU SoFA Grunwald GalleryExhibits:

  • Kinsey Institute Juried Art Show; through July 21st
  • Bloomington Photography Club Annual Exhibition; July 27th through August 3rd

◗ IU Kinsey Institute Gallery“Ephemeral Ink: Selections of Tattoo Art from the Kinsey Institute Collection”; through September 21st

◗ IU Lilly LibraryExhibit, “Translating the Canon: Building Special Collections in the 21st Century”; through September 1st

◗ IU Mathers Museum of World Cultures — Closed for semester break

Monroe County History Center Exhibits:

  • “What Is Your Quilting Story?”; through July 31st
  • Photo exhibit, “Bloomington: Then and Now” by Bloomington Fading; through October 27th

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