Average White Band | The Electron Pencil

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THE QUOTE

“Writers are the lunatic fringe of publishing.” — Judith Rossner

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OH, DEER

So the Deer Task Force has come to the earth-shattering conclusion that there are too many of the ruminants scampering around this town.

The task force’s solution? Cut down on the deer population.

Oh.

“What?”

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Problem is, whaddya gonna do ?

Spike their food with contraceptives?

Blow the little buggers away?

Some locals are sitting around their living rooms, aligning the sights on their hunting rifles, salivating over the possibility. Only the Bloomington City Council doesn’t seem likely to okay such a drastic solution. And Mayor Mark Kruzan has said he’ll veto any such statute the Council sends him.

So put your shootin’ irons away, boys.

Now then, what do we do about all these deer traipsing around on Covenanter Drive?

The Task Force says the vast majority of folks in Bloomington support public education as the preferred method to tackle the….

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Oh, sorry. I fell asleep.

Guess what kids — we’re stuck back in the same place we were when the Deer Task Force was organized.

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SEX PAYS

How cool is this?

The 5o Shades franchise has sold more than 60 million copies of the housewife porn trilogy, making the folks who run Random House happy.

So happy that the bosses announced last night at the publisher’s annual Christmas party that every single employee will get a $5000 Christmas bonus.

A Shade Of Green

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Big cheese Markus Dohle made the orgasmic pronouncement and since he’s the CEO of the whole worldwide shebang which employs a shade more than 5000 wage slaves, that bit of in-house largesse translates to something on the order of $25MM.

Yow!

Here’s hoping author EL James signed herself a fair deal before her Mommy Smut hit it big.

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EXCUSES, EXCUSES

I’m busy today so that’s all you’re going to get.

I Must Be Obstructed In This Photograph

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WORK TO DO

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THE QUOTE

“We shall endure.” — Cesar Chavez

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REQUIESCAT IN PACE

So, labor unions and the whole collective bargaining idea have been shot all to hell by Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker’s escape act Tuesday.

Unions are dead. Worker organizing is out.

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As if we didn’t know that already.

The systematic demonization of unions that Saint Ronald Reagan initiated has finally slain the one bulwark standing between the corporatocracy and the rest of humanity.

Get ready for the economic recovery, at which time you’ll be expected to put in 50- and 60-hour weeks as a matter of course. Overtime? Hah.

Work!

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Oh, and make sure your SmartPhone is on 24 hours a day. The boss might need to reach you now — whenever now is.

You are no longer you — you’re a part of a greater, more important, more meaningful entity. You are part of the company.

And anybody who wants to unionize is old hat. She’s the walking dead. She doesn’t work well with others. She’s selfish and corrupt. She’s a special interest. Hell, she may even be part of organized crime! Watch out for her.

So Old Hat

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Better yet, she’s fired.

Let’s have a company picnic! The food and soft drinks are free. Have fun.

Then be prepared to get back to work — on the company’s terms and at the company’s whim.

That is, until the company lays you off.

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CLICK

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UNION

Call me the dead man walking.

I have been, am now, and always will be a union guy. I’ve been a member of the Chicago Streets & San Laborer’s Union, the National Writers Union, and the Newspaper Guild.

Newspaper Guild Picket Line, New York, 1950

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If there were a union for smartasses, I’d not only join, I’d run for steward.

A few years ago, I yelled that I was proud to be a liberal, even though that particular L word had been transformed into an obscenity by the Jesus Right.

Now the U word is akin to the F-bomb.

Okay, here’s my message to the Koch Bros, the Tea Party-ists, Gov. Walker, Rush and Glenn and Sean, Chuck Norris, Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, Willard Romney, Americans for Prosperity, Eric Cantor, and all the rest of the Tories in this holy land:

Union you!

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WORK TO DO

I’m out there tryin’ to make it.

Written by several of the Isley Brothers, sung by the Average White Band.

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The Electron Pencil

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