Category Archives: Band Aid

The Pencil Today:

TODAY’S QUOTE

“Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” — Aristotle

A MOUNTAIN OF ICE CREAM

I don’t know exactly why, but I’ve been a bit down the last few days.

Now, I had no intention of being a buzz killer for the holiday so I was really steaming up my cranium, trying to figure out something gay (in the word’s old school definition) to say.

Not Me!

Wouldn’t you know it — this crazy, mixed-up world came to my rescue.

Here’s a flash from our friends in Ft. Wayne. Police had to block off Interstate 69 yesterday because there’d been an ice cream spill.

Yes, yes, yes — 40,000 pounds of ice cream covered the pavement after the truck carrying it had tipped over. And, as icing on the cream, the truck driver suffered only minor injuries.

It’s A Tough Job But Somebody’s Gotta Do It

The truck had been carrying thousands of cylindrical containers of Edy’s ice cream. They rolled around on the concrete in the near-freezing temps.

How about that for a Merry Christmas? Can you imagine what Roald Dahl would have done with this story?

BALANCE

Okay, I did my duty — I went positive to open today’s proceedings. You know I wouldn’t be myself without visiting the dark side, so here goes.

Kpop is evil. That’s all I have to say about it. Evil.

BRAINY KIDS

Back to the good news: three Bloomington elementary schools made the state’s Four Star School list. Binford, Childs, and Lakeview’s ISTEP grades all made it into Indiana’s top 25th percentile. Nice job.

Now, make sure the kids do not listen to Kpop.

I CAN’T HELP MYSELF

Here I go, slipping into darkness again. Ranker.com today offers the 13 Most Horrifying Classic Christmas Songs of All Time:

  1. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
  2. Santa Claus Is Coming to Town
  3. Santa Baby (Eartha Kitt version)
  4. 12 Days of Christmas
  5. The Christmas Shoes
  6. Baby, It’s Cold Outside (Dean Martin tries to force sex on a woman!)
  7. Away in a Manger
  8. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (by the Jackson 5 — need I say more?)
  9. Do They Know It’s Christmas? (the Band Aid treacle from 1984: “And there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas time” — snow in Africa?)
  10. You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch
  11. Winter Wonderland (two little kids want to get married and then have the snowfall cover up their ensuing secret activities)
  12. Jingle Bells
  13. Please, Daddy (by John Denver — which is bad enough — the first line is “Please, Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas”; and I was afraid of being a buzz kill?)

CLOSING ON A HIGH NOTE

Christmas Eve 1968 was cold and sunny in Chicago. I remember having to ride with my daddy-o to the Walgreen’s late in the afternoon to pick something up even as my sisters and their families were arriving at the house. The sunset was glorious, with high red, mauve, and violet clouds in the extreme southwest. It was one of those moments I knew I’d remember for the rest of my life. I flicked on the AM radio and this song came on:

Merry Christmas to all my Christian friends and Happy Giftmas to everyone else.

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