Category Archives: Ft. Wayne Indiana

The Pencil Today:

THE QUOTE

“Bunch together a group of people deliberately chosen for strong religious feelings, and you have a practical guarantee of dark morbidities expressed in crime, perversion, and insanity.” — H.P. Lovecraft

CAN THINGS GET ANY CRAZIER?

So, if you live on planet Earth, you’ve heard about the loon who is certain the Girl Scouts are out to destroy this holy land.

Who is Rep. Bob Morris of Fort Wayne? And is he of planet Earth?

First, judging by his picture, one must assume he’s cranky because his hair is on too tight.

Morris Talks With Protesters In The Statehouse Earlier This Year

Relax, pal! Have a vodka and lemonade. Kick your shoes off and put your feet up on the coffee table.

And please, please, stop surfing the interwebs for evidence that the Girl Scouts have been taken over by lesbian Nazis/Mau Maus/Marxists/Satanists. Just trust me on this one — they haven’t been.

They’re the damned Girl Scouts for chrissakes!

I mean, if the Girl Scouts are causing you to wet your pants then you’re just scared, period, and it doesn’t matter who’s doing the scaring

See? Have a drink.

Morris joined the Indiana House, representing District 84, in the summer of 2010. He whomped his Dem opponent in the November election, some poor kid named Evan Smith, a schoolteacher who looked to be about 11 years old, with 68 percent of the vote.

Evan Smith — Spanked By Morris

Morris was selected by a Republican caucus to serve out the final four months of Randy Boror’s term and to be the nominee in the fall election. Boror had quit the statehouse so he could become a lobbyist.

The first-term representative runs a nutrition center called Healthkick.

Morris sent a letter to his statehouse colleagues, dated February 18th, 2012, laying out his problems with the Girl Scouts. The Ft. Wayne Journal Gazette published the letter yesterday and within hours the nation was abuzz.

Here are some of the charges he makes:

  • The Girl Scouts of America funds Planned Parenthood
  • “… abundant evidence proves that the agenda of Planned Parenthood includes sexualizing young girls through the Girl Scouts….”
  • He quotes a Denver bishop as saying the GSA makes girls “more receptive to the pro-abortion agenda.”
  • The GSA trains its leaders to instruct girls to explore various methods of sexuality
  • Many parents are pulling their daughters out of the GSA because the organization promotes lesbianism

Dykes, Sluts, Whores, Etc.

By the way, his sources for these alarming charges? “I did a small amount of web-based research,” he writes.

Among Morris’s sources was World Net Daily, a clearinghouse of information for adults who still are terrified of monsters under the bed.

Morris writes that he’s yanking his daughters out of the Girl Scouts and enrolling them in something called the American Heritage Girls Little Flowers. That’s a Catholic-based group whose member girls are advised that their top aim in life should be purity.

As in sex is icky.

Morris concludes his missive by advising his statehouse mates to think very, very carefully before affixing their signatures to a House proclamation congratulating the Girl Scouts on their 100th anniversary.

Speaking of conclusions, I’ll answer one of the questions I posed at the top of this item. Even though Bob Morris is based in Ft. Wayne, he is not of this Earth.

The Pencil Today:

TODAY’S QUOTE

“Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” — Aristotle

A MOUNTAIN OF ICE CREAM

I don’t know exactly why, but I’ve been a bit down the last few days.

Now, I had no intention of being a buzz killer for the holiday so I was really steaming up my cranium, trying to figure out something gay (in the word’s old school definition) to say.

Not Me!

Wouldn’t you know it — this crazy, mixed-up world came to my rescue.

Here’s a flash from our friends in Ft. Wayne. Police had to block off Interstate 69 yesterday because there’d been an ice cream spill.

Yes, yes, yes — 40,000 pounds of ice cream covered the pavement after the truck carrying it had tipped over. And, as icing on the cream, the truck driver suffered only minor injuries.

It’s A Tough Job But Somebody’s Gotta Do It

The truck had been carrying thousands of cylindrical containers of Edy’s ice cream. They rolled around on the concrete in the near-freezing temps.

How about that for a Merry Christmas? Can you imagine what Roald Dahl would have done with this story?

BALANCE

Okay, I did my duty — I went positive to open today’s proceedings. You know I wouldn’t be myself without visiting the dark side, so here goes.

Kpop is evil. That’s all I have to say about it. Evil.

BRAINY KIDS

Back to the good news: three Bloomington elementary schools made the state’s Four Star School list. Binford, Childs, and Lakeview’s ISTEP grades all made it into Indiana’s top 25th percentile. Nice job.

Now, make sure the kids do not listen to Kpop.

I CAN’T HELP MYSELF

Here I go, slipping into darkness again. Ranker.com today offers the 13 Most Horrifying Classic Christmas Songs of All Time:

  1. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
  2. Santa Claus Is Coming to Town
  3. Santa Baby (Eartha Kitt version)
  4. 12 Days of Christmas
  5. The Christmas Shoes
  6. Baby, It’s Cold Outside (Dean Martin tries to force sex on a woman!)
  7. Away in a Manger
  8. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (by the Jackson 5 — need I say more?)
  9. Do They Know It’s Christmas? (the Band Aid treacle from 1984: “And there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas time” — snow in Africa?)
  10. You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch
  11. Winter Wonderland (two little kids want to get married and then have the snowfall cover up their ensuing secret activities)
  12. Jingle Bells
  13. Please, Daddy (by John Denver — which is bad enough — the first line is “Please, Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas”; and I was afraid of being a buzz kill?)

CLOSING ON A HIGH NOTE

Christmas Eve 1968 was cold and sunny in Chicago. I remember having to ride with my daddy-o to the Walgreen’s late in the afternoon to pick something up even as my sisters and their families were arriving at the house. The sunset was glorious, with high red, mauve, and violet clouds in the extreme southwest. It was one of those moments I knew I’d remember for the rest of my life. I flicked on the AM radio and this song came on:

Merry Christmas to all my Christian friends and Happy Giftmas to everyone else.

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