Smash The Man And Pass The Doritos!
So these Bundy et al loons want folks to mail them snacks, blankets, fuzzy socks, etc.
Through the United States Postal Service, BTW.
Not the snacks part, though. Here are some writings by noted revolutionaries and insurrectionists from world history regarding the vital importance of snacks when overthrowing a tyranny:
● “A people who seek to take their rightful place in the world as free men must lay out their bill of particulars to be aired among men of all nations. Their first task shall be to dine upon Mr. Jefferson’s scrumptious molasses graham bread, a sweet and hearty treat perfect for a blustery spring evening. Enlightened thinkers foresee the day when these delectables shall be packaged in an as yet unknown clear, strong, inexpensive wrap and sold at ‘convenience stores.’ Our path is sure and clear.” — Thomas Paine, American revolutionary era pamphleteer.
● “Without our beloved pierogis, we are nothing. With full bellies we will smash our Nazi oppressors. Send your homemade pierogis to our secret headquarters under the city, via the third manhole cover in the center of the Zoliborz district.” — Polish Home Army General Tadeusz Bór-Komorowski, leader of the August 1944 Warsaw Uprising.
● “I love these little alfajores our comrades have sent us from the place of my birth, Argentina. I especially like the ones filled with dulce de leche although, if necessary, I will eat the nougat-filled ones. Viva la revolución!” — Ernesto “Che” Guevara, noted Latin American insurgent and friend of Fidel and Raul Castro.
● “Sweet potato pie, motherfucker!” — Huey P. Newton, co-founder of the Black Panther Party.
Accordingly, the USPS has announced its solidarity with the survivalist militiamen who’ve taken over the Malheur Wild Life Reserve near Burns, Oregon. Please place any of the following products outside your front door Wednesday morning so that your letter carrier may collect the items for delivery to the occupation site:
- Hostess Twinkies
- Frito-Lay Cheetos, crunchy or puffy
- Krispy Kreme doughnuts by the dozen, any style
- McDonald’s french fries, super-size please
- Chipwich ice cream sandwiches, please pack in dry ice
- Herr’s Original Pork Rinds, American-style only, please
- Snickers, preferably the double-bar package
- Tombstone Original Pizza, sausage
- Doritos Cool Ranch chips
His appetite satisfied, Ryan Bundy, leader of the Citizens for Constitutional Freedom, will surely triumph against the American dictatorship.