Category Archives: Militias

Hot Air

Smash The Man And Pass The Doritos!

So these Bundy et al loons want folks to mail them snacks, blankets, fuzzy socks, etc.

Through the United States Postal Service, BTW.

Odd, that.

Not the snacks part, though. Here are some writings by noted revolutionaries and insurrectionists from world history regarding the vital importance of snacks when overthrowing a tyranny:

“A people who seek to take their rightful place in the world as free men must lay out their bill of particulars to be aired among men of all nations. Their first task shall be to dine upon Mr. Jefferson’s scrumptious molasses graham bread, a sweet and hearty treat perfect for a blustery spring evening. Enlightened thinkers foresee the day when these delectables shall be packaged in an as yet unknown clear, strong, inexpensive wrap and sold at ‘convenience stores.’ Our path is sure and clear.” — Thomas Paine, American revolutionary era pamphleteer.

“Without our beloved pierogis, we are nothing. With full bellies we will smash our Nazi oppressors. Send your homemade pierogis to our secret headquarters under the city, via the third manhole cover in the center of the Zoliborz district.” —  Polish Home Army General Tadeusz Bór-Komorowski, leader of the August 1944 Warsaw Uprising.

“I love these little alfajores our comrades have sent us from the place of my birth, Argentina. I especially like the ones filled with dulce de leche although, if necessary, I will eat the nougat-filled ones. Viva la revolución!” — Ernesto “Che” Guevara, noted Latin American insurgent and friend of Fidel and Raul Castro.



“Sweet potato pie, motherfucker!” — Huey P. Newton, co-founder of the Black Panther Party.

Accordingly, the USPS has announced its solidarity with the survivalist militiamen who’ve taken over the Malheur Wild Life Reserve near Burns, Oregon. Please place any of the following products outside your front door Wednesday morning so that your letter carrier may collect the items for delivery to the occupation site:

  • Hostess Twinkies
  • Frito-Lay Cheetos, crunchy or puffy
  • MoonPie
  • Krispy Kreme doughnuts by the dozen, any style
  • McDonald’s french fries, super-size please
  • Chipwich ice cream sandwiches, please pack in dry ice
  • Herr’s Original Pork Rinds, American-style only, please
  • Snickers, preferably the double-bar package
  • Tombstone Original Pizza, sausage
  • Doritos Cool Ranch chips

His appetite satisfied, Ryan Bundy, leader of the Citizens for Constitutional Freedom, will surely triumph against the American dictatorship.


Hot Air

Big Talk

Who’s the coolest person in Bloomington?

Today, at least, it’s Nate Powell. The noted cartoonist and author of numerous top-selling graphic novels is grilled, pierced, gutted, and otherwise questioned online by the majordomo of this communications colossus in the new interview series Big Talk.

That majordomo? It’s me.


Big Talk, long-time readers of this series of shrieks already know, is the shiny new monthly run of colloquys co-sponsored by The Ryder magazine, WFHB radio, and, natch, The Electron Pencil. The whole shebang had a soft kick-off in mid-January with the first airing on ‘FHB’s Daily Local News of my interview with the author/drawer of March: Book One, Any Empire, The Silence of Our Friends, and others. As in any new endeavor attempted by creative types, getting this thing synched up has been about as efficient as the wrangling of a houseful of cats by a blind man, so the other shoe part of interview No. 1 finally hits the interwebs today.

Powell Cartoon

Powell By Powell

We’ve already run a second interview with poet extraordinaire Tony Brewer on WFHB, with his print chat set to hit the streets in the April edition of The Ryder, due out soonly. Slowly but surely we’ll get our radio, print, and online skeds to jibe, so keep your shirts on while we pretend we know what we’re doing.

To refresh, the whole idea is for me to find fascinating Bloomington characters and shine the harsh light upon them, sans the blackjack and the telephone book treatment. Honest, I try to treat my victi…, er, subjects nicely. We want to learn about B-Town’s cools, not gawk at their lifeless bodies. The resultant interviews will find their way to your ears and eyes via an 8-minute feature segment on WFHB’s Daily Local News, a much longer discussion in that month’s hard-copy Ryder, and then a web redux on The Ryder‘s site. Natch, all links will be accessible here, thanks to our (duh) Big Talk page.

EP Screenshot

Go Ahead, Click It; You Know You Want To

So, unless you want to be the most square square in this Indiana college town, listen to the Daily Local News, read The Ryder when it hits your local merchants and street newsboxes, and, well, read it again when each month’s issue comes out online.

And, of course, you have to read The Pencil every single day. No misses, No excuses. What — you want your neighbors to think you’re out of it?

Ideas, Babies

Oh, before I forget: Feel free to suggest people you’d like to see interviewed by me. I’ve already got a long list of potential subjects. Hard as it may be to believe, I might have missed someone of note, so I’m leaning on you, hep Pencillista, to help me out. Send in your suggestions via the comments section in these posts or at

Do your part, savvy? It takes a village.

Mea Culpa

Alright, I’ll admit it. I’m a human and I sometimes have evil thoughts. Herein, I’ll confess my latest.

For a hot minute, I really, really wanted that Nevada rancher flap to devolve into a shootin’ war. Yep. I wanted all those loony militia members converging on the Bundy Ranch as well as the Bundys themselves and their supporters to get the living crap kicked out of them by the Feds.

Bundy Ranch


The very notion that these gun-fondlers, Tea Party “patriots,” and miscellaneous survivalists and supremacists should position their dopey stance as a fight for freedom makes me want to retch. The Bundys, pure and simple, are letting their cattle graze on publicly-owned land. They owe us rent. That is all, kids.

And they want to fight a war over it? Yeesh.

An alarming number of Bundy-ists believe in a twisted interpretation of the Posse Comitatus rule — that is, the only governmental authority they recognize is that of the county. The state of Nevada and the US Gov’t, to these people, are unlawful, tyrannical entities.

In short, they’re nuts.

Bundy Ranch


And don’t buy the line that they are the moral equivalent of the Freedom Riders, Martin Luther King, and Rosa Parks. They’re not. Merely suggesting that they might be comparable to those civil rights activists insults anybody who’s truly risked life and limb for freedom and equality.

The Bundy-ists said they were prepared to shoot it out with Bureau of Land Management security forces. One of their tactics, it’s been revealed, would be to place unarmed women in the front rank of their picket line so that when and if the Feds started shooting, their sainted womenfolk would take the first slugs.

Nice, huh?

Just imagine if one of the Bundy-ists had squeezed off a shot to start the party rolling. The Feds, of course, would be obligated to fire back and, necessarily, those target dames would be riddled with bullets. And then the Bundy-ists could cry martyr.

That mean little part of me wished it would have happened. The devil within me said, Mow ’em all down.

Now, my firmly-held believe is that it’s our second thoughts that make us human. My second thought was, Aw, hell, I don’t want to see bloodshed. But for that flash of a moment, I figuratively rubbed my hands together and hoped for the worst.

See, that’s the diff. between me and those Bundy-ists.

[BTW: The paranoiac, conspiracy-obsessed website Natural News is coming down four-square on the side of the Bundy-ists. More evidence that those of us on the crunchy, natural Left should stay away from Mike Adams’ scare-mongering delusion-fest. As if his chemtrails fetish wasn’t enough for you.]

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