Category Archives: Lenny Bruce

10/22/2012
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2012 Presidential Election, Catholic School, Lenny Bruce

The Pencil Today:

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THE QUOTE

“If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.” — Lenny Bruce

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DO IT NOW

Vote or shut up.

Cast your ballot today at these locations:

❐ The Curry Building, 214 W. Seventh St. — 8am-6pm

❐ Evangelical Community Church, 503 S. High St. — 10am-6pm

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JESUS IS ON

When I was a kid, this switchplate was on my bedroom wall:

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I always thought the boy kid was the world’s biggest square because he had cuffed pants, a fashion faux pas in the 1960s tantamount to wearing parachute pants to school today. Plus, he was a trousers-monster: See how high he’s got his drawers hitched up?

At the time, I was in primary school. I was trying to figure out what the nuns meant when they commanded me to love god. Just looking at that boy kid, though, convinced me that I wanted nothing to do with their god.

I’d gladly suffer the horrors of hell in exchange for not looking like such a dope.

When I hit the age of 13, I unscrewed that switchplate and replaced it with a peace sign one. Ma said, “Oh, Mike, why?” when she discovered it was gone. I think she may have been more traumatized by the realization that her little terrorist was growing up than she was that he was losing a religion he never really had.

This pic has been making the rounds on Facebook these days. The first time I saw it, it jarred me, the way seeing your class picture from the sixth or seventh grade makes a guy feel a little uncomfortable. All those cute girls who inspired stirrings and arousals and furtive sessions dedicated to the intense contemplation of their budding breasts suddenly seem a bit embarrassing, considering those little girls were, well, little girls.

Anyway, thank heavens neither I nor my peers who had that same switchplate (trust me, every Catholic school kid had one) were as perceptive as we are now. Note the position of the on-off switch.

I mean, honestly!

Is it possible that whoever designed this thing simply could not see what was going on here?

Man. Lucky I’m not a conspiracy theorist or I’d think the Catholic Church had some kind of weird sex thing going on.

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The only events listings you need in Bloomington.

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Monday, October 22nd, 2012

VOTE TODAY ◗ Two Locations, Bloomington:

  • The Curry Building, 214 W. Seventh St.; 8am-6pm
  • Evangelical Community Church, 503 S. High St.; 10am-6pm

STUDIO TOUR ◗ Brown County, various locations — The Backroads of Brown County Studio Tour, free, self-guided tour of 16 local artists’ & craftspersons’ studios; 10am-5pm, through October

MUSIC & LECTURE ◗ IU Auer Hall — Ludger Lohman on organ & talks about Franz Listz’s “Fantasia” and Fugue on B-A-C-H; 3pm

FILM ◗ IU Hillel Center — “Paperclips,” Part of Hillel’s Holocaust Awarenes Program; 6pm

MUSIC & LECTURE ◗ IU Auer Hall — Ludger Lohman on organ & talks about Franz Listz’s “Fantasia” and Fugue on B-A-C-H; 6pm

LECTURE ◗ IU Ernie Pyle Hall — School of Journalism Speakers Series: Rajiv Chandrasekaran of the Washington Post; 6:30pm

CLASS ◗ The Lodge — Tango lessons, Presented by Bloomington Argentine Tango Organization: 6:30pm

FILM ◗ IU Cinema — “Project Nim“; 7pm

LECTURE ◗ IU Memorial Union, Whittenberger Auditorium — “What Is the Higgs Boson?” Presented by Harold Ogren; 7pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Studio Recital: Octubafest 2012, Daniel Pernatoni, director; 7pm

MUSIC ◗ Muddy Boots Cafe, Nashville — Richard Groner; 7-9pm

LECTURE ◗ IU Sweeney Hall — Guest lecturer, Composer Joseph Schwantner; 7pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Musical Arts Center — Lobby Concert Series: Jazz Combo; 7:15pm

STAGE ◗ IU Wells-Metz Theatre — “Richard III“; 7:30pm

MUSIC ◗ Rachael’s Cafe — Mathis Grey; 7:30pm

MUSIC ◗ The Bluebird — Dinosaur Jr; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Musical Arts Center — Jazz Ensemble, Director: Brent Wallarab, Guest Artist: Curtis Fuller on trombone; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ The Player’s Pub — Songwriter Showcase; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ The Bishop — DJ Jeremy Brightbill; 8pm

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ONGOING:

ART ◗ IU Art Museum — Exhibits:

  • “New Acquisitions,” David Hockney; through October 21st
  • “Paragons of Filial Piety,” by Utagawa Kuniyoshi; through December 31st
  • “Intimate Models: Photographs of Husbands, Wives, and Lovers,” by Julia Margaret, Cameron, Edward Weston, & Harry Callahan; through December 31st
  • “French Printmaking in the Seventeenth Century;” through December 31st
  • Celebration of Cuban Art & Film: Pop-art by Joe Tilson; through December 31st
  • “Threads of Love: Baby Carriers from China’s Minority Nationalities“; through December 23rd
  • “Workers of the World, Unite!” through December 31st
  • “Embracing Nature,” by Barry Gealt; through December 23rd
  • “Pioneers & Exiles: German Expressionism,” through December 23rd

ART ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron Center — Exhibits:

  • “Ab-Fab — Extreme Quilting,” by Sandy Hill; October 5th through October 27th
  • “Street View — Bloomington Scenes,” by Tom Rhea; October 5th through October 27th
  • “From the Heartwoods,” by James Alexander Thom; October 5th through October 27th
  • “The Spaces in Between,” by Ellen Starr Lyon; October 5th through October 27th

ART ◗ IU SoFA Grunwald Gallery — Exhibit:

  • Buzz Spector: Off the Shelf; through November 16th
  • Small Is Big; Through November 16th

ART ◗ IU Kinsey Institute Gallery — Exhibits:

  • “A Place Aside: Artists and Their Partners;” through December 20th
  • “Gender Expressions;” through December 20th

PHOTOGRAPHY ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World Cultures — Exhibit:

  • “CUBAmistad” photos

ART ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World Cultures — Exhibits:

  • “¡Cuba Si! Posters from the Revolution: 1960s and 1970s”
  • “From the Big Bang to the World Wide Web: The Origins of Everything”
  • “Thoughts, Things, and Theories… What Is Culture?”
  • “Picturing Archaeology”
  • “Personal Accents: Accessories from Around the World”
  • “Blended Harmonies: Music and Religion in Nepal”
  • “The Day in Its Color: A Hoosier Photographer’s Journey through Mid-century America”
  • “TOYing with Ideas”
  • “Living Heritage: Performing Arts of Southeast Asia”
  • “On a Wing and a Prayer”

BOOKS ◗ IU Lilly Library — Exhibit:

  • “Outsiders and Others: Arkham House, Weird Fiction, and the Legacy of HP Lovecraft;” through November 1st
  • “A World of Puzzles,” selections from the Slocum Puzzle Collection

PHOTOGRAPHY ◗ Soup’s On — Exhibit:

  • Celebration of Cuban Art & Culture: “CUBAmistad photos; through October

PHOTOGRAPHY ◗ Monroe County History Center — Exhibit:

  • “Bloomington: Then and Now,” presented by Bloomington Fading; through October 27th

ARTIFACTS ◗ Monroe County History Center — Exhibits:

  • Doctors & Dentists: A Look into the Monroe County Medical Professions
  • What Is Your Quilting Story?
  • Garden Glamour: Floral Fashion Frenzy
  • Bloomington Then & Now
  • World War II Uniforms
  • Limestone Industry in Monroe County

The Ryder & The Electron Pencil: Bloomington’s Best

03/23/2012
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American Atheists, Atheists' Woodstock, Contraception, Imagine, John Lennon, Lenny Bruce, Letters from the Earth, Madalyn Murray O'Hair, Mark Twain, Murray v. Curlett, Pope Benedict XVI, Reason Rally, Religion, Roman Catholic Church, Stand Up for Religious Freedom, US Supreme Court

The Pencil Today:

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THE QUOTE

“If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.” — Lenny Bruce

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MAN WAS HIS PET, AFTER THE HOUSEFLY*

In this holy land it’s a lot easier to believe in god than it is not to.

America’s biggest holiday is Christmas.

Our coins read “In God We Trust.”

Every candidate for president must declare what a pious soul he or she is.

We say “… one nation under god…” we we pledge allegiance.

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Both houses of Congress begin each day’s proceedings with a benediction delivered by a professional believer.

When someone sneezes we say, “God bless you.”

When we’re annoyed we say, “For Christ’s sake!” When we’re really mad we say, “God damn it.”

When we go to war, we ask god to help us blow the brains out of enemy soldiers’ heads.

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In America, god is everywhere.

This weekend the putative creator of the universe will be the object of dozens, perhaps hundreds, of special assemblies.

There will be, for instance, a series of “Stand Up for Religious Freedom” rallies in cities around the country. These folks believe their BFF in the sky doesn’t like sex and is miffed because employer health care plans will soon be forced to cover contraceptives.

One Way To Get Under God’s Skin

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Unindicted co-conspirator Pope Benedict XVI travels this weekend to Mexico. Monday he hops over to Cuba. He’ll draw huge throngs in both countries.

And Saturday, atheists will crowd the Mall in Washington, DC to proclaim that they have no invisible friends or protectors. Organizers hope the Reason Rally, also dubbed Woodstock for atheists, will attract some 30,000 godless souls.

When I was a kid, a woman named Madalyn Murray O’Hair made a big splash. She was America’s most well-known atheist in the 1960s. It seems her son Bill was compelled to participate in Bible readings while a student in the Baltimore City Public Schools. So she filed suit, which eventually made its way to the US Supreme Court as part of a broader case.

I was a nominal Roman Catholic at the time. My parents (Ma, mostly) still went to church and dragged me along. Ma and Dad wouldn’t drop out for another five or so years. I couldn’t drop out of the faith because I’d never had it.

However, I had some clubbish loyalty to the faithful and so felt that Madeline Murray O’Hair, who soon would found American Atheists, was a villain. She was called “America’s most hated woman.” It didn’t help that O’Hair was pretty much a lunatic.

The Most Hated Woman In America

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So even though I had no particular allegiance to any god, I was on the side of those who did. But I was a kid.

By the age of 12, I’d given up childish things — like blind loyalty — and started thinking for myself. The nuns at St. Giles school had told me god was love. They’d said I must love him.

Man, I had a tough time with that one. How do I love god? I mean, he’s this big, powerful guy who doesn’t say much and is always aggravated. In fact, he’s just like my father.

So I imagined kissing god’s cheeks profusely. See, Ma always made me kiss Dad goodnight. He’d sit there in his recliner, purportedly watching TV but actually dozing noisily. I’d have to stretch and strain to plant my tender little lips on his sandpaper face. He wouldn’t budge an inch.

“Wait’ll I Get My Hands on You!”

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I figured that’s the way it would be with god. I’d imagine myself up in heaven, standing on a chair on my tiptoes, raining smooches on god’s abrasive cheek. He, too, would remain impassive while I gushed over him.

By 12, that fever dream didn’t cut it anymore. I never did figure out how to love god.

I’m not going to Washington for the Atheists’ Woodstock. I’ve long believed atheism is about not being part of a team.

Christians’ll have an easier time of it at their rallies here in America, as well as in Mexico and Cuba. They can all pat each other on the back and say how great it is to be the apple of god’s eye.

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What are the atheists going to do? You can’t really celebrate the non-existence of something, can you?

Actually, I don’t even like the term atheist. There is, of course, the association with Madalyn Murray O’Hair’s weirdness. Then there’s the matter of identifying myself by what I’m not.

It’s like joining a club for people who’ve never murdered anyone. After introducing yourself and proclaiming you’ve never taken a life, there isn’t much else to do.

A better term might be Other — as in the only box I can honestly check on an application that asks me my religion.

I’m a devout Other.

(* Quote from Mark Twain’s “Letters from the Earth.”)

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IMAGINE

My second favorite Beatle.