Category Archives: Performance Enhancing Drugs

Hot Air

It’s All About Me

It would be nice if that Cleveland police officer who gunned down Tamir Rice had said, just once: “I wish the whole thing had never happened. I feel so bad about it. What a tragedy.”

tamir

[Image: Tony Dejak/Associated Press]

No. Hell, no. His alibi has become something of a mantra for a lot of cops who, of late, have opened fire on the citizenry — “I had no choice.” That’s what Cle. cop Timothy Loehman told his father and investigators. Again, not, “Oh, dear god in heaven why did that poor young boy have to die?” Uh uh.

Shoot first, absolve self later. The cops are getting really good at this.

It’s Not My Job, Man

Another thing about the Tamir Rice shooting. Once Loehman shot the 12-year-old and the kid fell off his swing, bleeding from a torso wound, neither Loehman nor his squad car partner, Frank Garmback, lifted a finger to stanch the adolescent’s blood gush.

That’s another repeating theme among all these cop shootings. Pump the “perp” full of lead and then let him die like a dog, alone, in the dirt or on the pavement.

Hey, dude, I’m no nurse, okay?

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Bleeding Hearts

Perfect Spiral

So, Peyton Manning has hired former Bush II admin. spokesbeing Ari Fleischer to whitewash accusations the former Indy QB used magic pills to become so eff-ing great.

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Ari Fleischer

Hmm. Fleischer already has spun the Performance Enhancing Drug taint off Popeye-esque retired slugger Mark McGwire, who now is considered potential baseball manager material. All the other Major League Baseball PED suspects of the late 1990s and early ‘Aughts remain personae non gratae as far as the game and the Hall of Fame are concerned. Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Sammy Sosa, et al are as welcome around the ballparks as bearded, brown-skinned men carrying suspicious packages. McGwire, though, already has been employed by both the Cardinals and Dodgers as a respected hitting coach.

The diff. between McGwire and the other aforementioned miscreants? Big Mac’s spin doctor.

It should have been obvious to one and all that Fleischer would turn out to be a crackerjack flack. After all, he was at the forefront of the Bush admin.’s successful whopper campaign to sell the Iraq War to a gullible American public.

Murrica –where mendacity makes for a great résumé.

More Sportsball Spin

Speaking of sports, one of the big new Christmas season movie releases this year has been Concussion, starring Will Smith. It’s the tale of the Nigerian Igbo neuropathologist Dr. Bennet Omalu’s discovery that scads of former pro football players had their brains scrambled. Omalu’s assertion that the thousands of hits football players suffer through their careers likely lead to Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, has led National Football League bosses to…, well, do their best to pretend the syndrome is as innocuous as the common cold.

The NFL is a multi-billion-dollar outfit supplying ball fans with their weekly dose of violence, macho strutting, and images of homoerotic camaraderie (I mean, how many times do players have to pat other players’ asses to convey their congratulations?) The realization that merely playing the game can lead to a condition that turns the player’s grey matter into something resembling that pitted, shredded dish sponge at your kitchen sink is pure poison to the league’s bean counters. If only they could hire, say, Ari Fleischer to handle crisis management, CTE might be transformed into something players and their Moms would see as more a badge of honor than a death sentence.

Anyway, you had to figure the NFL would be unhappy with the filming of Omalu’s story, especially with the handsome, likeable, bankable Smith in the lead role. Deadspin’s Timothy Burke watched the flick, did some digging, and found that the end product varied significantly from the original script. Oh, sure, that happens all the time, only in this case all the changes reflected a softening of the accusations against the NFL and a certain timidity in putting the CTE scandal at the feet of commissioners Paul Tagliabue and Roger Goodell.

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Smith As Omalu

For instance, the original script has a scene where Commissioner Goodell tells a press conference of its internal investigation into CTE: “This is not something new to the NFL. And we’ve determined it is a non-problem.”

The reality was the CTE charges were indeed earth-shattering and surprising to the league and the “non-problem” characterization shows the NFL as a craven, criminally complicit agent. In other words, the screenwriter portrayed Goodell, accurately, as a phony.

Nevertheless, the movie you see at your Hollywood-oplex presents a gentler version of Goodell’s words:

This is an important day for the National Football League. We’ve had some very good dialogue which will help us improve the care for our players…. I’m not a doctor here…. This is an evolving science, and that’s OK.

Wow. Maybe the NFL has hired Ari Fleischer after all.

Anyway, Deadspin’s Burke implies the NFL and its lawyers pressured Sony Pictures Entertainment, the film’s bankroller, to to take it easy on the league.

Meanwhile, ex-NFL players continue to suffer depression, dementia, memory loss, rage and aggression, and suicidal ideation and attempts — all symptoms of CTE.

Enjoy the heavy hitting Sunday, football fans.

 

The Sorest Of Spots

Here’s one thing I’ve learned in my career as an opinionator: You can tell a person their politics suck, you can belittle their taste in music, you can even tell them their intellect ranks somewhere between those of the planarian and the sea slug. Hell, there are tons of things you can say about someone that are less than complimentary or are even critical — and get away with it.

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Me: The Flatworm Is Smarter Than You Are.

The Other Guy: Aw, Go On!

But you cannot criticize a person’s taste in television shows or movies. That is, unless you’re prepared for a full frontal assault.

Hoo boy. I’ve come down negatively on things like Mad Men, Girls, and a few others. Not too long ago I said about Game of Thrones something on the order of if there was anything made to order to bore me into the grave, it’d be a lengthy series on some fantasy, medieval, British-accented mythical land where a bunch of noble families or kingdoms or what the hell ever those goddamned people are battle each other for supremacy.

Yeesh. My slant was met with gasps. The most pacific retorts came from those people who argued “No, really, you’ll love it. It’s about a fantasy, medieval, British-accented mythical land where a bunch of noble families battle each other for supremacy.”

For the most part, people were aghast that I didn’t love, love, love the HBO series.

It’s as if I’d opined, “Y’know, water really sucks. The whole idea of hydration is way overrated.”

Of late, I’ve been belly-aching about having to deal with all the people who can’t believe I don’t care about the latest Star Wars whatever-thing that’s out now. The responses to all these critiques often have been borderline alarming. As in, I’ll never read/talk to/look at you again.

I’d have been better off picking a random group of people and telling the world their mothers looked like gargoyles.

Just wondering: Why?

 

The Pencil Today:

THE QUOTE

“Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.” — Robert A. Heinlein

A NOTE TO MY READERS

If I seem a little cynical today (okay, a lot cynical) don’t blame me. I’m only the messenger.

MEET YOUR BOSS

Make no mistake now. There is no longer any argument.

This holy land is not led by a president or a Senate or House. Nor is it run by Democrats or Republicans. Not even the combined forces of the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines rival the most powerful entity in the United States today.

Kids Stuff

These Great United States, Inc. are ruled by the investment banking firm and criminal enterprise known as Goldman Sachs.

And that would make the emperor of this nominal democratic republic an unindicted hoodlum by the name of Lloyd Blankfein.

Dear Leader

The capo Blankfein and his underlings yesterday got a huge return on their investments in political bribery and economic blackmail when the Obama Justice Department announced it won’t be pursuing charges against them.

See, Goldman Sachs had been engaged in the selling of subprime mortgage securities for years, earnings ungodly amounts of money. Only Blankfein’s syndicate then went out and bet against the performance of those securities.

In other words, Goldman Sachs sold its clients — including retirement funds, states and municipalities, hospitals, and the like — a pile of shit and then went out and set up a sham insurance safety net protecting itself against the shit smears that would inevitably follow.

The original “Mob” used to have this scam down to an art. A couple of crooked-nosed Charlies would visit a restaurant owner and advise him he needed “insurance” should, god forbid, anything calamitous happen.

Aw, D’at’s Too Bad. Y’See What Can Happen?

The only flaw in the Mob’s plan was its inability to hold off the dogs of justice indefinitely. By and by, some squeaky clean prosecutor would slap the bracelets on the big boys and their underbosses.

But Lloyd Blankfein won’t be a guest of the state any time soon. In fact. the state is now his guest.

This is, after all, his country. Lock, stock, and barrel.

PROBLEM SOLVED

You know how Barack Obama is a socialist? And the Clintons before him?

Real red-underwear-wearing types, right?

At least that’s what the Right would have us believe.

So why is it that the number of people receiving cash assistance from government social welfare programs has fallen a full two-thirds since Bill Clinton’s 1996 welfare reform? And the number of American families who get government subsidies for trivial things like food and heat has fallen by a half?

The answer, if you believe the Right, is they’ve all gone from the lazy poor to the self-sufficient middle class. Because, after all, it was their own fault they were poor.

The great thing about living in these United States is the fact that we don’t need complicated solutions to baffling problems. The answers, my fellow citizens, are simple.

Oops. I mean simplistic.

ANOTHER SIGN OF THE COMING APOCALYPSE

Everybody and anybody who had a hand in making this monstrosity a reality should have the living shit kicked out of them:

This is the brand spankin’ new high school football stadium in Allen, Texas.

You read right: High-freaking-school.

The new home of the Allen Eagles cost $60M. It seats 18,000. It has a 75×45-foot video screen scoreboard.

The story about this crime against humanity in Time magazine’s online newsfeed quotes some little bastard defensive back as saying, “We just have to [be] blessed and humble and not take it for granted.”

Go Eagles!

Yeah. Like the god that doesn’t exist gave it to you in lieu of doing anything about the flooding in India.

Texas, by the way, last year cut $5B from the state public schools budget..

Anyway, the best part of the story is the little teaser in red about halfway down: “MORE: Catastrophic Brian Injuries at All-Time High in High School Football.”

Nothin’ like seeing your boy’s cerebrum concussed into so much gray goo down on the field in a shiny new stadium, is there?

LIFE LESSONS FROM FOOTBALL

Yep. Football’s back.

Remember when Ma & Pa America were all aflutter over teenaged athletes using steroids and human growth hormones to build muscle mass?

The Horror

Heaven forbid our precious scions should risk the devastating side effects of performance enhancing drugs. Like acne.

No. It’s much better for them to suffer permanent disability due to head injuries suffered on the gridiron.

Oh, and thanks to our changing climate (which, I’d bet, plenty o’Texans think is the liberal bunk anyway) more and more high school football players are suffering serious injury and death from practicing in full pads through the August heat.

SCIENCE TAKES ANOTHER HIT

We don’t have cable anymore at Chez Big Mike but if we did, Animal Planet would be on all the time. The Loved One digs critters and I’m partial to two or three species myself.

The bad news is, Animal Planet is slipping and sliding away from real animals this coming season and becoming more about, well, bullshit.

Two of the cable networks big shows will be “Finding Bigfoot” and “Mermaid — The Body Found.”

According to the Washington Post’s TV columnist Lisa de Moraes, critics pounded Animal Planet reps when the network held its pre-season news conference. One asked if AP “had run out of real animals.”

When it comes to TV, though, no one can argue with the numbers. AP’s audiences love shows about creatures that don’t exist.

THE POWER OF MYTH

Great. As if I’m not discouraged enough by the direction in which this nation is headed, this poll comes out:

The site I Fucking Love Science opines: “Well, this is a little bit scary. Come on America, sort it out. You just landed on Mars!”

To borrow a term from the god-fetishists, Amen!

Here’s how I waste my time. How about you? Share your fave sites with us via the comments section. Just type in the name of the site, not the url; we’ll find them. If we like them, we’ll include them — if not, we’ll ignore them.

I Love ChartsLife as seen through charts.

From I Love Charts

XKCD — “A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.”

SkepchickWomen scientists look at the world and the universe.

IndexedAll the answers in graph form, on index cards.

I Fucking Love ScienceA Facebook community of science geeks.

Present and CorrectFun, compelling, gorgeous and/or scary graphic designs and visual creations throughout the years and from all over the world.

Flip Flop Fly BallBaseball as seen through infographics, haikus, song lyrics, and other odd communications devices.

Mental FlossFacts.

Caps Off PleaseComics & fun.

SodaplayCreate your own models or play with other people’s models.

Eat Sleep DrawAn endless stream of artwork submitted by an endless stream of people.

Big ThinkTapping the brains of notable intellectuals for their opinions, predictions, and diagnoses.

The Daily PuppySo shoot me.

Tiny, From The Daily Puppy

Electron Pencil event listings: Music, art, movies, lectures, parties, receptions, games, benefits, plays, meetings, fairs, conspiracies, rituals, etc.

The Venue Fine Art & GiftsOpening reception: “Articulture” by Marco Zehrung; 6-8pm

Lake Monroe, Paynetown SRANational S’mores Day celebration, recipe competition and other activities; 6-10pm

Tibetan Mongolian Buddhist Cultural CenterWorkshop: Depression and Buddhism, presented by Ani Choekye; 6:30pm

◗ IU Fine Arts Theater — Ryder Film Series: “Kumaré: The True Story of a False Prophet”; 7pm

Muddy Boots Cafe, Nashville — Mizfitz; 7-9pm

◗ IU CinemaFilm: “To Rome with Love”; 7pm

Bloomington SpeedwaySprint cars, UMP super stocks, UMP modifieds; 7pm

◗ IU Woodburn Hall Theater — Ryder Film Series: “The Pigeoneers”; 8pm

Cafe DjangoSad Sam Blues Jam; 8-10pm

The Comedy AtticTim Wilson; 8 & 10:30pm

◗ IU Fine Arts Theater — Ryder Film Series: “Polisse”; 8:30pm

Bear’s PlaceChris Wilson & Planet Earth, Charlie & the Groove Factory; 9pm

The Bluebird The Revivalists, Three Story Hill; 9pm

Max’s PlacePhoenix Down; 9pm

Muddy Boots Cafe, Nashville — Amanda Webb; 9:30pm

Max’s PlaceHead Bread; 10:30pm

Ongoing:

◗ Ivy Tech Waldron CenterExhibits:

  • “40 Years of Artists from Pygmalion’s”; through September 1st

◗ IU Art MuseumExhibits:

  • Qiao Xiaoguang, “Urban Landscape: A Selection of Papercuts” ; through August 12th
  • “A Tribute to William Zimmerman,” wildlife artist; through September 9th
  • Willi Baumeister, “Baumeister in Print”; through September 9th
  • Annibale and Agostino Carracci, “The Bolognese School”; through September 16th
  • “Contemporary Explorations: Paintings by Contemporary Native American Artists”; through October 14th
  • David Hockney, “New Acquisitions”; through October 21st
  • Utagawa Kuniyoshi, “Paragons of Filial Piety”; through fall semester 2012
  • Julia Margaret Cameron, Edward Weston, & Harry Callahan, “Intimate Models: Photographs of Husbands, Wives, and Lovers”; through December 31st
  • “French Printmaking in the Seventeenth Century”; through December 31st

◗ IU SoFA Grunwald GalleryExhibits:

  • Coming — Media Life; August 24th through September 15th
  • Coming — Axe of Vengeance: Ghanaian Film Posters and Film Viewing Culture; August 24th through September 15th

◗ IU Kinsey Institute Gallery“Ephemeral Ink: Selections of Tattoo Art from the Kinsey Institute Collection”; through September 21st

◗ IU Lilly LibraryExhibit, “Translating the Canon: Building Special Collections in the 21st Century”; through September 1st

◗ IU Mathers Museum of World CulturesClosed for semester break, reopens Tuesday, August 21st

Monroe County History CenterPhoto exhibit, “Bloomington: Then and Now” by Bloomington Fading; through October 27th

The Pencil Today:

THE QUOTE

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” — Michael Jordan

THE DEAD DO IMPROVE

NPR marked today’s 50th anniversary of the death of Marilyn Monroe with the usual navel-gazing about whether the movie biz used her or she used it.

Marilyn Monroe is becoming smarter by the year. By 2025, she’ll probably be known as an intellectual who dabbled in acting.

Blonde Bombshell Or Scientific Genius?

HURRY!

One of my fave annoyances is the growing tendency of people to write “Love you” when they mean “I love you.”

Is it really that much of an ordeal to key in the letter I and the extra space? Will doing so make the writer late for an important appointment?

I’m Late! (I’m Late, I’m Late, I’m Late)

“Love you” strikes me as impersonal and lazy.

ONE FOR ALL

If you’ve kept up with the screeds in these precincts of late, you know how spectacularly bored I’ve always been with the Olympics.

The track and field events are going on now. Funny thing is, I really like these competitions.

A Pole Vaulter Narrowly Misses The Sun

It occurs to me I’d actually like the Olympics if the games were limited to track and field, tests of the capabilities of individuals representing their countries.

That was the original intent of Olympics, not only in ancient Greek times but when the Olympiads were re-instituted back in 1896.

POT O’GOLD

It’s a good bet marijuana may be legalized in my lifetime (assuming I don’t drop dead tomorrow afternoon.)

Oh, Wow.

Will there be any more important catalyst in the long, slow slide toward legalization than the career of one Michael Fred Phelps II, history’s most decorated Olympic athlete and noted pot smoker?

PERFORMANCE ENHANCING

One last Olympics note (today).

Look, I admire Oscar Pistorius‘s dedication and discipline as much as you do.

AKA: “The Blade Runner”

But, honestly, the man is wearing a pair of springs.

How is that different from another athlete using performance enhancing drugs?

Sure, you might say poor Oscar was born without fibulae in his legs and had to undergo a double amputation when he was 11 months old so how can we deny this courageous man the use of his springs?

Well, that’s the point. I was born without the exquisite musculature and fantastic hand-eye coordination of Willie Mays. So why can’t I try to ameliorate those disadvantages with a few cycles of anabolic steroids?

Willie Mays On A New York City Street

See, sports competitions aren’t democratic contests. When it comes to games, not all men or women are created equal.

That’s why some people win Gold Medals or Most Valuable Player awards and others don’t.

HUMOR IS A ROUGH GAME

The Onion‘s taking heat for doing a faux news video showing a jet headed for a crash into the Willis Tower.

Formerly known as Sears Tower, the Willis was, until recently, the tallest building in the Western Hemisphere. The joke is Sears operatives, flying the company jet, are attacking the interloper into their formerly sacred space.

From The Onion

Sound familiar?

Again, it’s a joke.

The Onion is a joke newspaper.

Many in New York and elsewhere detest the idea of jokes about 9/11. One woman was quoted as saying in the Huffington Post, “That’s not funny.”

She’s right. To her, it’s not funny. My suggestion? Don’t laugh.

Here’s how I waste my time. How about you? Share your fave sites with us via the comments section. Just type in the name of the site, not the url; we’ll find them. If we like them, we’ll include them — if not, we’ll ignore them.

I Love ChartsLife as seen through charts.

I Love Charts

XKCD — “A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.”

SkepchickWomen scientists look at the world and the universe.

IndexedAll the answers in graph form, on index cards.

I Fucking Love ScienceA Facebook community of science geeks.

Present and CorrectFun, compelling, gorgeous and/or scary graphic designs and visual creations throughout the years and from all over the world.

Flip Flop Fly BallBaseball as seen through infographics, haikus, song lyrics, and other odd communications devices.

Mental FlossFacts.

Click For Entire Story

Caps Off PleaseComics & fun.

SodaplayCreate your own models or play with other people’s models.

Eat Sleep DrawAn endless stream of artwork submitted by an endless stream of people.

Big ThinkTapping the brains of notable intellectuals for their opinions, predictions, and diagnoses.

The Daily PuppySo shoot me.

Electron Pencil event listings: Music, art, movies, lectures, parties, receptions, games, benefits, plays, meetings, fairs, conspiracies, rituals, etc.

Bloomington Playwrights ProjectOriginal musical written by young people, grades 4-11, “Dream & Nightmares”; 2pm

Fairview United Methodist ChurchConcert of songs, arias, and duets from Broadway & opera; 2pm

Buskirk-Chumley Theater“Disney’s Beauty and the Beast”; 3pm

Muddy Boots Cafe, Nashville — Weeds of Eden; 5-7pm

Bryan ParkSunday outdoor concert series: Afro Hoosier International; 6:30pm

Bear’s PlaceRyder Film Series: “Polisse”; 7pm

Ongoing:

◗ Ivy Tech Waldron CenterExhibits:

  • “40 Years of Artists from Pygmalion’s”; opens Friday, August 3rd, through September 1st

◗ IU Art MuseumExhibits:

  • Qiao Xiaoguang, “Urban Landscape: A Selection of Papercuts” ; through August 12th
  • “A Tribute to William Zimmerman,” wildlife artist; through September 9th
  • Willi Baumeister, “Baumeister in Print”; through September 9th
  • Annibale and Agostino Carracci, “The Bolognese School”; through September 16th
  • “Contemporary Explorations: Paintings by Contemporary Native American Artists”; through October 14th
  • David Hockney, “New Acquisitions”; through October 21st
  • Utagawa Kuniyoshi, “Paragons of Filial Piety”; through fall semester 2012
  • Julia Margaret Cameron, Edward Weston, & Harry Callahan, “Intimate Models: Photographs of Husbands, Wives, and Lovers”; through December 31st
  • “French Printmaking in the Seventeenth Century”; through December 31st

◗ IU SoFA Grunwald GalleryExhibits:

  • Coming — Media Life; August 24th through September 15th
  • Coming — Axe of Vengeance: Ghanaian Film Posters and Film Viewing Culture; August 24th through September 15th

◗ IU Kinsey Institute Gallery“Ephemeral Ink: Selections of Tattoo Art from the Kinsey Institute Collection”; through September 21st

◗ IU Lilly LibraryExhibit, “Translating the Canon: Building Special Collections in the 21st Century”; through September 1st

◗ IU Mathers Museum of World CulturesClosed for semester break, reopens Tuesday, August 21st

Monroe County History Center Exhibits:

  • “What Is Your Quilting Story?”; through July 31st
  • Photo exhibit, “Bloomington: Then and Now” by Bloomington Fading; through October 27th

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