Category Archives: Sexuality

Hot Feline Air

…By Any Other Name…

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I love — love! — the fact that NPR anchors and reporters have to say the words Pussy Riot.

These are people, the stereotyping section of my brain has concluded, who’ve never uttered the P-word before in their lives. Whereas it’s my fave appellation for a woman’s business — a pussy is, after all, warm, snuggly, and comfortable. Rather like a de-clawed cat, no?

Kitten

Now, the C-word. Uh uh. That’s bad sauce, babies. It’s a harsh, hateful word. Yet, even some feminist-y women occasionally drop it when referring to a dame they particularly detest. I strive never to use it because of its hard-edge and insulting connotation.

It’s a word I imagine frat boys bandy about while sitting around and philosophizing. If frat boys use it, I have to eliminate it from my vocabulary. I’m also thinking of refusing to use the word the in my speech, which I suspect will be a tad more problematic.

In fact, if you want to distinguish between, say, odious porn and glorious erotica, simply use my handy C-word system. If the book or video uses the C-word in its title or the term is used liberally (eek, such an unfortunately choice of a word) in its content, the work likely will not be of art at all but rather a crushing, repulsive, quasi-violent put-down of the female sex.

O'Keeffe/Jack In The Pulpit

Anyway, I’ve been wondering how media outlets like the New York Times, the Christian Science Monitor, or the Rush Limbaugh radio flatulence-fest refer to the two erstwhile jailed Russian members of the punk group.

Well, let’s find out, shall we? The Grey Lady (an antiquated nickname for the NYT which, in its historical stuffiness, largely eschewed photos) seemed fairly itchy when first called upon to name the band. In the story dated August 17, 2012, telling of the band’s conviction and sentence on charges of hooliganism (which, itself, is a fave word of mine), the paper waited until the second graf to even mention PR’s name and even then acted all peevish about it. “[M]embers of a punk band called Pussy Riot…,” the copy read, as if to plead, Hey, don’t blame us.

As the fairly long story continued, the paper seemed at pains to avoid mentioning the name again, only doing so three more times, once to huff, “But while the women became minor celebrities, Pussy Riot is far more political than musical: Its members have never commercially released a song or an album, and they do not seem to have any serious aspirations to do so.”

In case anybody doesn’t get the gist of that graf, the Grey Lady is saying, Good heavens, no proper young ladies who employ such déclassé verbiage should ever be taken seriously!

Guaranteed the editors of the NYT are, at this very moment, on their knees praying Pussy Riot will disappear from the Earth forthwith so subscribers can safely return to the reading of more refined topics like sub-Saharan genocide or teenage rape in Ohio.

Despite bannering a variation on the name of one billion people’s lord and savior in its very name, the Christian Science Monitor went full Pussy Riot within the first nine words of its article on the band’s conviction and sentence in 2012. And the funny thing is, as I type this, the CSM page is still up on another window and its auto-play ad is running a faux doc on meterologists, air force commanders, and other scientists and officials tracking Santa and his reindeers’ flight over this holy land. Hehe; I love funny juxtapositions, natch.

Now then, how about the troggiest of all Oxycontin-head troglodytes, Rush Limbaugh? A casual google search shows — get this — absolutely no mentions of Pussy Riot by the King of Blowhard Kings. Imagine that. Here was his chance to either slam Vladimir Putin and the hated Russkies for being such stone-headed tyrants or to savage a band of slutty sluts who had the temerity to desecrate the Orthodox home of Jesus H. Christ himself. Yet Rush couldn’t even bring himself to address the issue. Who knows? Perhaps he digs their music and is torn. Or maybe he feels young women should be allowed to make the occasional public mistake without being ripped to shreds by porcine conservative commentators?

As they used to say in my old neighborhood, Whaddya, stupid?

I’m betting Rush and his merry band of keyboard clackers were paralyzed by Pussy Riot’s very name. You know the scene in the movie The Big Lebowski where Maude asks the Dude what his feelings are on the word vagina?

Maude: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?

The Dude: Um, is that what this is a picture of?

Maude: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal, which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.

Scene from "The Big Lebowski"

“Vagina.”

The Dude: Oh yeah?

Maude: Yes. They don’t like hearing it and find it difficult to say….

I can see ol’ Rush reading about the Pussy Riot story the first time and then dashing off to the lavatory to scrub his hands and face.

My feeling is Rush et al would be far more comfortable had the Russian performance artists named themselves Cunt Riot.

Now, that’s a name they could get behind.

Merry Christmas!

Punk Prayer

Hot Gender Air

Potty Training

Schools in Los Angeles soon will allow transgender kids to use the bathroom of the sex that they identify with. Sounds good to this bleeding heart.

Kids who ID as girls won’t be getting the crap kicked out of them in boys’ bathrooms anymore. Great.

If you agree with the above conclusion, step back and remember what holy land you live in.

Bathroom Question

I heard about the Los Angeles Unified School District‘s new rule, set to go into effect next year, this morning on NPR. Cool, I thought. Then it occurred to me: Guaranteed, some some of a bitch is going to fight against it because next thing you know, all the boys in LA schools are going to claim they’re really girls just so they can get into the the female loo and goggle at panties.

And people wonder why our holy land is so sexually eff-u’d.

An NPR reporter interviewed a student at Azuza High School. “She’s student body president, a varsity cheerleader, homecoming princess, and a straight-A senior,” the reporter said. The student is also a transgendered girl. She says her school day is so busy she’s often on campus 12 hours a day. Despite that, she says, she rarely goes to the bathroom. If she goes to the boys’ bathroom, she might get pushed around. If she goes to the girls’, she’ll be breaking the rules. So, she holds it.

Bladder

The new rule seems tailor-made for her.

Ah, but what about all those boys who want to peek under bathroom stall doors?

One woman went door-to-door to get people to sign a petition to overturn the rule. She says it “opens the door for predators.” She and her like-minded brethren throughout California have gathered some 600,000 signatures. The pastor of her church told the reporter his duty is to shield children from discomfort and danger. “I have to protect those that would be offended by this,” he said.

The pastor added that any given schoolboy — being a schoolboy, natch — would use the new rule to further his nefarious ends. “Maybe a couple of guys bet him, ‘Hey, pretend you’re a girl today. Go on in there, take a peek,’ ” the pastor said.

Pastor

Saving The Nation’s Youth From Discomfort

So, once again in this great nation’s limitless wisdom, hundreds of thousands of us prefer to cater to the adolescent whims of giggly schoolboys than to protect people who face real dangers. Rather than clamp down on voyeurs and bullies, they’d have kids like that Azuza High School student refrain from micturating all day long.

Surprised? Silly.

You got raped? You shouldn’t ever have had sex before it happened.

You got your jaw broken? You shouldn’t have walked around like a mincing fairy.

You didn’t get that promotion? You shouldn’t have been born with a vagina.

It’s no wonder at all why we’re so sexually eff-u’d.

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