The Pencil Today:


“Life contains these things: leakage and wickage and discharge, pus and snot and slime and gleet. We are biology. We are reminded of this at the beginning and the end, at birth and at death. In between we do what we can to forget.” — Mary Roach


Oh, man! NFL football players are jumping on the gay marriage bandwagon!

Whooda thunk it?

My least fave professional sporting league generally is known for political and social outbursts that would make Mussolini proud. But Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendan Ayanbadejo came out publicly in support of Maryland’s gay marriage ballot initiative recently.

Brendan Ayanbadejo

A state legislator named Emmet Burns Jr. immediately dashed off a letter to the owner of the Ravens, demanding he shut his employee up.

Maryland State Delegate Emmett Burns, Jr.

Well, that just got Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe teed off enough to send a letter of his own to Burns, defending his league-mate as well as gay marriage. Among the zingers Kluwe included in his red-assed missive were:

  • “Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level.”
  • “What on earth would possess you to be so mind-bogglingly stupid?”
  • “I can’t even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled brain right now….”
  • “… [W]hy do you hate freedom?”
  • “If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you’ll start thinking about penis?”

This is beautiful!

  • “I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won’t come into your house and steal your children. They won’t magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster….”

Kluwe is becoming the modern-day Oscar Wilde.

Chris Kluwe

  • “In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in the mouth clusterfuck you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in.”

And Kluwe closes the letter by calling Burns, “Asshole.”

I dunno about you, but suddenly I’m a Minnesota Vikings fan.


Think Progress runs a laundry list of bizarre, regressive, and downright Cro-Magnon quotes and positions offered up by Iowa Congressman Steve King, a Republican.

One Of These Guys Is A Member Of Congress

King sits on the Agriculture, Small Business, and Judiciary committees. He also is a big shot in the Congressional Tea Party Caucus, natch. (Indiana’s Mike Pence, now running for governor, also is a member.) King’s already become known for loathing abortion and birth control, digging Rep. Todd Akin, and deeming racial profiling to be pretty cool.

Per Think Progress, though, we learn that King is just as whacked out as the more notorious Michele Bachmann — whom he also digs the most.


Here are a few revelations about a guy Mitt Romney endorses for reelection

  • King wants the US to build an electric fence at the border with Mexico. “We do this with livestock all the time,” he says by way of explanation.
  • King wants states to ban birth control but feels state bans on pâté de foie gras are unconstitutional.
  • He’s a birther.
  • King was sympathetic to the man who crashed an airplane into an Austin, Texas IRS building in February, 2010.
  • King once described witch-hunting Sen Joe McCarthy as “a great American hero.”

Some Hero

Romney says if he’s elected president, King would be “my partner in Washington.”


The world is coming to an end.

Want proof?

Here it is:

Oh, no, this ain’t no Onion stuff. Nabisco is actually putting these boxes of extruded tumors on sale Monday, September 10th.

You can stock up on them through Hallowe’en, by which time an orthopedic surgeon will be sawing both your legs off below the knee, thanks to the ravages of orange and white cookie-induced diabetes.



Folks, I wonder if you think I’d look good in this little model.

A 1961 Ford Gyron Concept Car



Yeesh, this one gives me vertigo just thinking about it:

From The Universe

Back on Earth, the chicks (and the one or two males who pitch in occasionally) at Skepchick have been bombarded with hate emails and Tweets of late.

Their offense? Merely that they’re outspoken females (and the one or two guys who tolerate them).

What puzzles me is why loads and loads of men despise women. Even if you think women are nothing more than sex objects, wouldn’t you say to yourself, “Man, I dig those sex objects!”?

I don’t get a lot of things, which is often frustrating, but this is one thing I’m glad I can’t grasp.

Anyway, Rebecca Watson, the big bosschick at Skepchick ruminates on the hate:

Click For Full Article

2 thoughts on “The Pencil Today:

  1. In my fantasy world I can see myself in a hot little red sports car. But..with this slick little 1961 Ford model, I can see myself (and you, Big Mike) in it, but we’d need the jaws of life to get us out! I’ll stick to my vehicle, which I affectionately tagged during my daughter’s competitive swimming days as the “Fat-ass Mommymobile.”

    On all other topics today, you are spot on as usual and I’m all the happier for reading your posts. Chris Kluwe now one of my new heroes, and go Vikings! As to candy corn Oreos I’m rather agnostic, but amused by your protestations. Carry on!

  2. bill says:

    My A.D.D. was spiking! You’re just what the doctor didn’t order for cognitive whiplash.
    Oh, where to start? Can we find 535 professional athletes to replace Congress? Maybe JUST linebackers and punters?
    As a country we have to come to terms with the fact that in order to run for office and get elected, being a sociopath is an advantage. Tough to overcome the advantage of being able to lie without conscience, say whatever people want to hear, cheat, steal and rat-fuck without moral limitations knowing that hope and poke voters have no memory.

    Why, oh why, can’t we build and load a Douglas Adams “B” Ark and not have to deal with miscreants and assholes?

    Amen Brother Mike!

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: