The Pencil Today:

THE QUOTE

“We’re doomed.” — Rush Limbaugh

THE NEW ORDER

Ooh, we’re excited here at Bloomington’s favorite communications colossus!

First we’ve been authorized by the federal government to continue operation after President Barack Obama’s order to shut down any and all TV and radio stations, newspapers, magazines, and interwebs sites that are deemed dangerous to the newly renamed United States of the World.

Huzzah! The Electron Pencil has been named a Communications Organ of the People!

We’ve always striven to be an organ of one sort or another.

Second, the Federal Emergency Management Administration wants us to pass along some vitally important directives to The People. FEMA’s notification is reproduced, in part, below:

Here is the gist of FEMA’s order:

♠ All guns being held by private citizens must be turned in no later than midnight, Saturday, November 10th, 2012 (that’s today, so hurry!)

♠ The new Tithing for the Poor program mandates that all working Americans must hand over 10 percent of their weekly income to the welfare queen or pimp of their choice

♠ Any and all registered Republicans must sign a loyalty oath to the New Order — it begins, “I pledge allegiance to the Social Bureaucracy of the United States of the World…”

♠ Tea Party members will be required to report to FEMA’s Attitude Readjustment camps by Wednesday, November 21st, 2012 — they will not be allowed to participate in Thanksgiving festivities as that racist, imperialist celebration has now been outlawed

♠ Grandmas of the USW will be required to report to their local Death Panels as soon as possible

♠ All public buildings must now prominently display the al Qur’an

♠ A United Nations representative will be visiting your home within the next few weeks — you are to cooperate fully with him or her

♠ All American women of child-bearing age must undergo an abortion procedure by the end of the year — those who are not pregnant at this time must become pregnant by December 1st, 2012 — those women who have difficulty finding a mate can apply for assistance from the USW Social Stud Service, staffed exclusively by men of African extraction

♠ American business owners must close their businesses by the end of the year

♠ All white males in excess of 50 percent of the population must leave the country — preference for those who are allowed to remain will be shown for weak, near-sighted, flat-footed males who exhibit a proclivity to enjoy showering with other males

♠ All Americans must engage in a minimum of one (1) homosexual act each year

We at The Electron Pencil are proud to do our share in the remaking of America. And we pledge allegiance to our Dear Leader!

The only events listings you need in Bloomington.

Saturday, November 10th, 2012

FOOD ◗ City Hall, The Showers BuildingFarmers Market; 8am-1pm

ARTS & CRAFTS ◗ University Baptist ChurchBloomington Glass Guild Holiday Show; 10am-5pm

ART ◗ TC Steele State Historic Site, NashvilleMember Art Show; 10am-5pm

WORKSHOP ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World Cultures — Native American Beading; 10am-4pm

ARTS & CRAFTS ◗ First United Church of Bloomington27th Annual Fiber Art Show & Sale; 10am-5pm

FAIR ◗ Holiday InnBloomington’s Spirit Fair, Consult with psychics & tarot readers, Shop for New Age objects, Booths for numerology, astrology, reiki, crystal healing, and palmistry; Through Sunday, 10am-pm

ARTS & CRAFTS ◗ Bloomington Convention CenterBloomington Handmade Market Holiday Sale, Featuring 48 regional artists & craftspeople; 10am-5pm

BOOKS ◗ Howard’s BookstoreAuthor Terry Pinaud signs his book, “Chaos“; 11am-3pm

SPORTS ◗ IU Memorial StadiumHoosier football vs. Wisconsin; Noon

DEDICATION ◗ Monroe County Courthouse Square, East Side, The Redmen BuildingCeremony for the installation of the Susan B. Anthony historical marker plaque; 1pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford HallBassoon Studio Recital: Students of Bill Ludwig & Kathleen McLean; 1pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Musical Arts Center Recital HallMaster’s Recital: Steven Marquardt on trumpet; 1pm

STAGE ◗ IU Halls TheatreDrama, “Spring Awakening“; 2pm

CELEBRATION ◗ Trained Eye Arts CenterThe Big One: Trained Eye Arts 1-year Anniversary, Featuring live music, games, performers, studio open house; 3pm-Midnight

MUSIC ◗ IU Musical Arts Center Recital HallSenior Recital: Rico D. Hamilton, tenor; 3pm

STAGE ◗ IU Ivy Tech Waldron Center, Auditorium Comedy, “Alfred Hitchcock’s 39 Steps“; 3pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Voice Studio Recital: Students of Teresa Kubiak; 3pm

FILM ◗ IU Cinema — “Beau Travail,” Filmmaker Claire Denis will be present; 3pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Auer HallArtist Diploma Recital: Eun Young Seo on piano; 4pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Sweeney HallMaster’s Recital: Matthew Peterson on jazz piano; 4pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford HallHarpsichord Studio Recital; 5pm

VETERANS DAY ◗ Bloomington High School South — “A Tribute to Elvis,” Live music, Proceeds go to Disabled Veterans Wish Foundation; 5:30-7:30pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Auer HallViolin Studio Recital: Students of Kevork Mardirossian; 6pm

FILM ◗ IU Fine Arts TheaterRyder Film Series: “Two Angry Moms“; 6:45pm

MUSIC ◗ Muddy Boots Cafe, NashvilleMartha Burton; 7-9pm

LECTURE ◗ IU CinemaJorgensen Guest Filmmaker Series: French filmmaker Claire Denis; 7pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford HallSenior Recital: Jamie Kim on clarinet; 7pm

FILM ◗ IU Woodburn Hall TheaterRyder Film Series: “17 Girls“; 7:15pm

STAGE ◗ IU Halls TheatreDrama, “Spring Awakening“; 7:30pm

STAGE ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron Center, in the Rose FirebayDrama, “The Rimers of Eldritch,” Presented by Ivy Tech Student Productions; 7:30pm

STAGE ◗ Bloomington High School NorthComedy/drama, “Ondine“; 7:30pm

PERFORMANCE ◗ Buskirk Chumley Theater — “A Potpourri of Arts in the African American Tradition,” Featuring the African American Dance Company, the African American Chorale Ensemble, and the IU Soul Revue; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ The Player’s PubRitmos Unidos; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Auer HallBaroque Orchestra, Stanley Ritchie, director; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ First Christian Church — “Masses & Madrigals: Ancient & Modern,” Performed by the Bloomington Chmaber Singers, Conducted by Gerald Sousa; 8pm

OPERA ◗ IU Musical Arts Center — “Cendrillon (Cinderella),” Presented by IU Opera Theater; 8pm

STAGE ◗ IU Ivy Tech Waldron Center, Auditorium Comedy, “Alfred Hitchcock’s 39 Steps“; 8pm

COMEDY ◗ The Comedy AtticGreg Hahn; 8pm

FILM ◗ IU Fine Arts TheaterRyder Film Series: “Keep the Lights On“; 8:15pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford HallPiano Studio Recital: Students of Jean-Louis Haguenauer; 8:30pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Musical Arts Center Recital HallSenior Recital: Jisoo Kim on piano; 8:30pm

FILM ◗ IU Woodburn Hall TheaterRyder Film Series: “All Together“; 8:45pm

MUSIC ◗ The BluebirdRod Tuffcurls & the Benchpress; 9pm

MUSIC ◗ Max’s PlacePiney Woods; 9pm

MUSIC ◗ The BishopAndy D album release party with Ursa Major, Beverly Bounce House, DJ Eade; 9:30pm

COMEDY ◗ The Comedy AtticGreg Hahn; 10:30pm

ONGOING:

ART ◗ IU Art MuseumExhibits:

  • “Paragons of Filial Piety,” by Utagawa Kuniyoshi; through December 31st
  • “Intimate Models: Photographs of Husbands, Wives, and Lovers,” by Julia Margaret, Cameron, Edward Weston, & Harry Callahan; through December 31st
  • French Printmaking in the Seventeenth Century;” through December 31st
  • Celebration of Cuban Art & Film: Pop-art by Joe Tilson; through December 31st
  • Threads of Love: Baby Carriers from China’s Minority Nationalities“; through December 23rd
  • Workers of the World, Unite!” through December 31st
  • Embracing Nature,” by Barry Gealt; through December 23rd
  • Pioneers & Exiles: German Expressionism,” through December 23rd

ART ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron CenterExhibits through December 1st:

  • “Essentially Human,” By William Fillmore
  • “Two Sides to Every Story,” By Barry Barnes
  • “Horizons in Pencil and Wax,” By Carol Myers

ART ◗ IU SoFA Grunwald GalleryExhibits through November 16th:

  • Buzz Spector: Off the Shelf
  • Small Is Big

ART ◗ IU Kinsey Institute GalleryExhibits through December 20th:

  • A Place Aside: Artists and Their Partners
  • Gender Expressions

ART ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World CulturesExhibits:

  • “¡Cuba Si! Posters from the Revolution: 1960s and 1970s”
  • “From the Big Bang to the World Wide Web: The Origins of Everything”
  • “Thoughts, Things, and Theories… What Is Culture?”
  • “Picturing Archaeology”
  • “Personal Accents: Accessories from Around the World”
  • “Blended Harmonies: Music and Religion in Nepal”
  • “The Day in Its Color: A Hoosier Photographer’s Journey through Mid-century America”
  • “TOYing with Ideas”
  • “Living Heritage: Performing Arts of Southeast Asia”
  • “On a Wing and a Prayer”

BOOKS ◗ IU Lilly LibraryExhibits:

  • The War of 1812 in the Collections of the Lilly Library“; through December 15th
  • A World of Puzzles,” selections from the Slocum Puzzle Collection

ARTIFACTS ◗ Monroe County History CenterExhibits:

  • Doctors & Dentists: A Look into the Monroe County Medical Professions
  • What Is Your Quilting Story?
  • Garden Glamour: Floral Fashion Frenzy
  • Bloomington Then & Now
  • World War II Uniforms
  • Limestone Industry in Monroe County

The Ryder & The Electron Pencil. All Bloomington. All the time.

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