The Pencil Today:

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THE QUOTE

“I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.” — Rebecca West

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NYAH, NYAH

So, the Republicans now have their pound of flesh.

Feeling all sissified by the results of the November election, the political decision makers within the Party of God racked their brains for a few days and then hit upon a forward course.

Does it include becoming more inclusive toward black and brown people, women, gays, the poor, and those whose IQs are north of 30?

Republicans

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Well, no. At least not yet.

How about a concerted effort to purge the party’s ranks of antediluvian racists — both crypto- and overt? Or accepting the fact that geologists, zoologists, biologists, and other learned souls just might know a little bit more about the nature of our physical world than do bizarrely-coiffed backwoods Bible-thumpers?

Nah.

Our friends the Republicans have decided their best first step forward was to stand firm against that greatest threat to our nation’s very existence: the putative nomination of Susan Rice to the post of Secretary of State.

Susan Rice

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And whaddya know? They scored big time!

Rice, the current Ambassador Plenipotentiary to the United Nations, has informed her boss that she’s withdrawing her name from consideration to replace the outgoing S of S (and 45th President of the United States-in-waiting), Hillary Clinton.

Rice’s boss, the anti-Christ Barack Obama, was in for a bruising mud wrestling match had he tabbed Rice to don Clinton’s sash. And when all is said and done, even if Rice’s nomination were indeed approved by the Democratic-majority Senate, she’d have been viewed around the world as a weak PR agent for this holy land simply because so many fought against her.

Woo-hoo, we showed him, the Republicans are now telling themselves.

And guess what — the likely rebound nominee is said to be John Kerry.

Imagine that! The Republicans have indicated they’d be four-square in favor of approving Kerry. You remember him, don’t you? The traitor who protested against the war in Vietnam, only after he’d committed fraud to gain a pile heroism medals while there? The Republicans saved us from him in 2004.

Dangerous Johns: Kerry & Lennon

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Now they love him. And why not? He’s a white male.

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ANNIE’S LITTLE SECRET

The republic has survived yet another threat to its very existence. We’ve awakened four mornings in a row and discovered that the Earth remains in its orbit even after actress Anne Hathaway’s cooter was viewed by all concerned Monday night.

The temporarily-gaunt star of Les Miserables wore a gown made of coffin lining as well as some S&M accoutrements, all of which pass for haute couture, to the premiere of her big new blockbuster in New York.

She arrived at the red carpet in a positively presidential-looking SUV limousine. Her bodyguard leaped out and helped her exit the vehicle. She swung her legs out in an oh-so-ladylike fashion. Sadly (or not, depending on your level of sexual and emotional maturity) her knees separated and, thanks to a strategic split in her gown, her external reproductive organs were exposed and, within a nanosecond, were illuminated by a camera flash.

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Naturally, the image of her fancy bit immediately flashed around the planet.

Just as naturally, Anne Hathaway is aghast even as tens of millions of adolescent boys are furiously masturbating to the point of pain.

“It was devastating,” she told Vanity Fair’s Ingrid Sischy.

Fair enough.

Hathaway — whom, by the way, I intend to marry should The Loved One ever come to her senses and throw me overboard — went a step further on NBC’s Today Show: “… I was very sad that we live in an age when someone takes a picture of another person in a vulnerable moment and rather than delete it and do the decent thing, sells it. And I’m sorry we live in a culture that commodifies sexuality of unwilling participants….”

Fair enough again. I guess.

Only we’re not talking about powerless young girls being bought and sold in the Middle East (see chart). Nor are we talking about someone pointing a camera through a hotel room peephole so he can peddle nude pix of an unsuspecting sports reporter.

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Yes, it’s a crying shame that pix of Hathaway’s Little Secret should turn out to be such a valuable commodity but isn’t she being a tad disingenuous here?

I mean, I love the woman. She’s well on her way to becoming the Meryl Streep of the 2030s. She’s generally considered dignified.

But she has a knockout body and she knows it. And she trades on it. Google images of her and you’ll see tons of her flesh. Nothing tasteless, mind you. But anyone who cares to can examine her breasts and other parts of her anatomy.

Again, she’s no Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan but, still, she understands what exposed female flesh means in Hollywood. It’s like a being a lawyer and having been a member of the right fraternity in college.

Anyway, it was Hathaway herself who went commando. Which is usually harmless, except when you’re wearing a gown that’s slit some eight and a half yards from talus to ilium.

Hindsight is 20/20 but from this outpost, her best bet would have been to ignore the breathless and puerile questioning of the likes of Matt Lauer and let the incident pass without comment. She should have let the whole issue die a deserved death.

Matt Lauer Grosses Out The Universe While Interviewing Hathaway

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And maybe — just maybe — we’ll all grow up and stop tee-hee-ing when somebody’s business gets exposed.

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A LADY LEXICON

The fun gals at feministing.com have provided us with an invaluable guide to the euphemisms for the human vagina.

That’s the technical term for it, of course. Vagina comes directly to us from the Latin, meaning a sheath for a soldier’s sword, which our old pals the Romans called a ferrum — literally, iron — but commonly used the word to refer to the penis.

Cicero and Co. had a way with words, no?

“Sheathe Your Swords, Men Of Rome.”

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So do we. Our words reveal our fears and distastes. Apparently, the vagina is scary and distasteful to far too many sword-bearers around this funny globe. Dig how many terms confer frightening, weird, and/or disgusting connotations on that place we’ve all passed through.

Study this. There’ll be a pop quiz later this semester.

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SHE’S A BAD MAMA JAMA

By Carl Carlton, this song rocketed up the Billboard soul chart in 1981.

She’s poetry in motion/

A beautiful sight to see.

I get so excited/

Viewin’ her anatomy.

At least he wasn’t being a sneak about it.

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12/10/2012

2 Comments

50 Shades of Chicken, 9/11, Aaron Freeman, Bill O'Reilly, Boice Tomlin, Book Corner, Colin Powell, George W. Bush, Heaven Is For Real, Iraq War, Maureen Dowd, Public Opinion Polls, Republican Party, Ryder Film Series, Saddam Hussein, Sam Cooke, United Nations

The Pencil Today:

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THE QUOTE

“Who would have ever thought blacks would get out and support the first black president? Who would have ever thought women would shy away from the party of transvaginal probes? Who would have ever thought gays would work against a party that treated them as immoral and subhuman? Who would have ever thought young people would desert a party that ignored science and hectored on social issues? Who would have ever thought Latinos would scorn a party that expected them to finish up their chores and self-deport?” — Maureen Dowd

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YOU AND IRAQ

Comic and politico Aaron Freeman has put out a call for anyone who can honestly say she or he was not taken in by the Bush Administration’s rationalizations for the Iraq War in late 2002 and early 2003.

Aaron Freeman

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You remember, don’t you? Georgey-boy, Dick Cheney, Condoleeza Rice, and even Colin Powell stood on their heads to implant the images of bloodthirsty brown people, mushroom clouds, and general panic in our imaginations in order to snow us into attacking the Saddam Hussein regime.

Perhaps the saddest moment of the buildup to war was Secretary of State Powell half-heartedly trying to sell the United Nations General Assembly on “evidence” that Hussein and his wild-eyed pals were thisclose to launching a big one against this holy land.

The funnyman — Freeman, not Bush — wonders why anyone would have doubted the word of the Bushies, considering the fact that most highly intelligent people he knew at the time bought the casus belli hook, line, and sinker.

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So, take yourself back some ten years to those glory days of yore. Try to remember what you were thinking at the time. And don’t forget we were only a little more than a year past the 9/11 attacks. Be honest and tell us, in the poll below, if you bought the Bush line or you thought, even as we were gassing up our B-2 Stealth Bombers, that he and his gang were full of shit.

Oh, and leave a comment in the box labeled “Other” explaining why you thought one way or the other.

Thanks in advance.

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POLL WATCHING

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THE SHORT OF IT

That’s all for today, kiddies. I been working my fingertips to the bone, trying to get the new Ryder magazine and film series website off the ground, along with publisher Peter LoPilato and developer Boice Tomlin. As a result, I feel lazy today.

Remember to stop in at The Book Corner. A few words of advice, though. Do not buy either of Bill O’Reilly’s bestsellers, “Killing Lincoln” and “Killing Kennedy.” Do not buy “50 Shades of Chicken.” And do not buy any of those I-died-and-went-to-heaven books.

Don’t You Dare!

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Reading should improve your mind, not shrink it.

Otherwise, buy anything you want.

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CHAIN GANG

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11/16/2012

The Pencil Today:

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THE QUOTE

“More things in politics happen by accident or exhaustion than happen by conspiracy.” — Jeff Greenfield

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BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG SKY

Heads up for another cool sky show tonight.

The annual Leonids meteor shower will peak tonight after midnight. Look toward the constellation Leo when it rises and, if you’re lucky, you’ll catch ten or a dozen shooting stars and hour. The apparent origin point of the shower will be smack dab in the middle of the question mark formed by the lion’s head. That bright star at the base of the question mark is Regulus, known as “the lion’s heart.”

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This should be a terrific year for viewing the shower because this sky is expected to be clear and the moon will be a sliver.

So turn off your TV, bundle up, and watch that sky.

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MAD MEN

A hat tip to Professor Richard Lloyd of Vanderbilt University for pointing out this one in Salon.

Republican state senators in Georgia held a meeting a month ago to discuss the maddest conspiracy theory yet. Apparently, the GOP legislators believe President Barack Obama is using advanced brainwashing techniques to turn Americans into pliant sheep so that he and the United Nations can take away private property rights, depopulate the suburbs, move everybody into the cities, and otherwise turn this holy land into some kind of dystopia straight out of a cheap science fiction novel.

Svengali

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Again, this is not an Onion article. It’s no joke. I get the feeling I’m going to have to get used to typing that line as time goes by in this, Obama’s second term.

Here’s the dope from the dopes:

The United Nations has an action plan called Agenda 21, created 20 years ago during the Rio global environment conference. It deals with sustainable development, which the sane among us dig, but the psychologically disturbed see as some kind of an Hitlerian/Stalinist plot to enslave us all.

Agenda 21 is a non-binding, voluntary program that most countries of the world, even these United States, at least pay positive lip service to. The Georgia senators, on the other hand, see things differently.

It’s a “conspiracy to transform America from the land of the free to the land of the collective.” So says a man named Field Searcy, a former Tea Party honcho (that figures) who was booted from the party because he seemed a tad, shall we say, deranged.

If you’re considered deranged among Tea Party-ists, you are deranged indeed.

If This Guy Thinks You’re Nuts….

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Searcy led the meeting which was called by Georgia Senate Majority Leader Chip Rogers, who bills himself the “taxpayers (sic) best friend,” and was held at the state capitol. So this is no secret cabal getting together under cover of night in some dank basement.

Anyway, Obama’s using a something called the Delphi technique to control the innocents of our nation. It was developed during the Cold War by Project RAND (later known as the RAND Corporation) and it has something to do with making behavior forecasts utilizing the collective thinking of a group as opposed to the wildly divergent thinking done by individuals. How this becomes a nefarious thought control tool is not explained by Searcy et al.

Searcy and his fellow dementos believe municipal, county, and state governments are in on this plot along with the commies, brown people, and Muslims of the UN as well as the chief destroyer of America, Obama himself.

According to political reporter Jim Galloway of the Atlanta Journal Constitution, a videographer recorded the first hour of the meeting and then was kicked out of the room. The logical conclusion is that subsequent discussion must have been even more batty than that recounted here.

I suppose if certain anti-Obama-ites have their way and do indeed secede from the union, they should call themselves the United States of the Cuckoo’s Nest.

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AUSTERITY, NO

Amy Goodman of Democracy Now! writes in Truthdig that the movement against austerity measures is gaining ground all across the globe.

This news makes me feel a bit better after writing the previous story.

Thanks, Amy

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It seems the reelection of Barack Obama and the repudiation of so many Republican candidates a week ago Tuesday is our nation’s little way of rebelling against austerity. Sure, some young people took to the streets for a few months in the Occupy movement of 2011 but, honestly, that had about as much effect as tossing an LSD tab into a big city’s water supply in hopes of turning the populace on.

Most of the American citizenry believe money should remain safely in the hands of the uber-wealthy, no matter what folks say about raising taxes on the rich. Not so elsewhere in the world. We fetishize the plutocracy; the rest of humanity looks upon the Midas class properly, as one would a mobster making you an offer you can’t refuse.

How else would you explain the popularity of Donald Trump?

Execrable, Albeit Explainable

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APPROPRIATELY NAMED

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11/10/2012

The Pencil Today:

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THE QUOTE

“We’re doomed.” — Rush Limbaugh

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THE NEW ORDER

Ooh, we’re excited here at Bloomington’s favorite communications colossus!

First we’ve been authorized by the federal government to continue operation after President Barack Obama’s order to shut down any and all TV and radio stations, newspapers, magazines, and interwebs sites that are deemed dangerous to the newly renamed United States of the World.

Huzzah! The Electron Pencil has been named a Communications Organ of the People!

We’ve always striven to be an organ of one sort or another.

Second, the Federal Emergency Management Administration wants us to pass along some vitally important directives to The People. FEMA’s notification is reproduced, in part, below:

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Here is the gist of FEMA’s order:

♠ All guns being held by private citizens must be turned in no later than midnight, Saturday, November 10th, 2012 (that’s today, so hurry!)

♠ The new Tithing for the Poor program mandates that all working Americans must hand over 10 percent of their weekly income to the welfare queen or pimp of their choice

♠ Any and all registered Republicans must sign a loyalty oath to the New Order — it begins, “I pledge allegiance to the Social Bureaucracy of the United States of the World…”

♠ Tea Party members will be required to report to FEMA’s Attitude Readjustment camps by Wednesday, November 21st, 2012 — they will not be allowed to participate in Thanksgiving festivities as that racist, imperialist celebration has now been outlawed

♠ Grandmas of the USW will be required to report to their local Death Panels as soon as possible

♠ All public buildings must now prominently display the al Qur’an

♠ A United Nations representative will be visiting your home within the next few weeks — you are to cooperate fully with him or her

♠ All American women of child-bearing age must undergo an abortion procedure by the end of the year — those who are not pregnant at this time must become pregnant by December 1st, 2012 — those women who have difficulty finding a mate can apply for assistance from the USW Social Stud Service, staffed exclusively by men of African extraction

♠ American business owners must close their businesses by the end of the year

♠ All white males in excess of 50 percent of the population must leave the country — preference for those who are allowed to remain will be shown for weak, near-sighted, flat-footed males who exhibit a proclivity to enjoy showering with other males

♠ All Americans must engage in a minimum of one (1) homosexual act each year

We at The Electron Pencil are proud to do our share in the remaking of America. And we pledge allegiance to our Dear Leader!

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The only events listings you need in Bloomington.

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Saturday, November 10th, 2012

FOOD ◗ City Hall, The Showers Building — Farmers Market; 8am-1pm

ARTS & CRAFTS ◗ University Baptist Church — Bloomington Glass Guild Holiday Show; 10am-5pm

ART ◗ TC Steele State Historic Site, Nashville — Member Art Show; 10am-5pm

WORKSHOP ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World Cultures — Native American Beading; 10am-4pm

ARTS & CRAFTS ◗ First United Church of Bloomington — 27th Annual Fiber Art Show & Sale; 10am-5pm

FAIR ◗ Holiday Inn — Bloomington’s Spirit Fair, Consult with psychics & tarot readers, Shop for New Age objects, Booths for numerology, astrology, reiki, crystal healing, and palmistry; Through Sunday, 10am-pm

ARTS & CRAFTS ◗ Bloomington Convention Center — Bloomington Handmade Market Holiday Sale, Featuring 48 regional artists & craftspeople; 10am-5pm

BOOKS ◗ Howard’s Bookstore — Author Terry Pinaud signs his book, “Chaos“; 11am-3pm

SPORTS ◗ IU Memorial Stadium — Hoosier football vs. Wisconsin; Noon

DEDICATION ◗ Monroe County Courthouse Square, East Side, The Redmen Building — Ceremony for the installation of the Susan B. Anthony historical marker plaque; 1pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Bassoon Studio Recital: Students of Bill Ludwig & Kathleen McLean; 1pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Musical Arts Center Recital Hall — Master’s Recital: Steven Marquardt on trumpet; 1pm

STAGE ◗ IU Halls Theatre — Drama, “Spring Awakening“; 2pm

CELEBRATION ◗ Trained Eye Arts Center — The Big One: Trained Eye Arts 1-year Anniversary, Featuring live music, games, performers, studio open house; 3pm-Midnight

MUSIC ◗ IU Musical Arts Center Recital Hall — Senior Recital: Rico D. Hamilton, tenor; 3pm

STAGE ◗ IU Ivy Tech Waldron Center, Auditorium — Comedy, “Alfred Hitchcock’s 39 Steps“; 3pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Voice Studio Recital: Students of Teresa Kubiak; 3pm

FILM ◗ IU Cinema — “Beau Travail,” Filmmaker Claire Denis will be present; 3pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Auer Hall — Artist Diploma Recital: Eun Young Seo on piano; 4pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Sweeney Hall — Master’s Recital: Matthew Peterson on jazz piano; 4pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Harpsichord Studio Recital; 5pm

VETERANS DAY ◗ Bloomington High School South — “A Tribute to Elvis,” Live music, Proceeds go to Disabled Veterans Wish Foundation; 5:30-7:30pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Auer Hall — Violin Studio Recital: Students of Kevork Mardirossian; 6pm

FILM ◗ IU Fine Arts Theater — Ryder Film Series: “Two Angry Moms“; 6:45pm

MUSIC ◗ Muddy Boots Cafe, Nashville — Martha Burton; 7-9pm

LECTURE ◗ IU Cinema — Jorgensen Guest Filmmaker Series: French filmmaker Claire Denis; 7pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Senior Recital: Jamie Kim on clarinet; 7pm

FILM ◗ IU Woodburn Hall Theater — Ryder Film Series: “17 Girls“; 7:15pm

STAGE ◗ IU Halls Theatre — Drama, “Spring Awakening“; 7:30pm

STAGE ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron Center, in the Rose Firebay — Drama, “The Rimers of Eldritch,” Presented by Ivy Tech Student Productions; 7:30pm

STAGE ◗ Bloomington High School North — Comedy/drama, “Ondine“; 7:30pm

PERFORMANCE ◗ Buskirk Chumley Theater — “A Potpourri of Arts in the African American Tradition,” Featuring the African American Dance Company, the African American Chorale Ensemble, and the IU Soul Revue; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ The Player’s Pub — Ritmos Unidos; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Auer Hall — Baroque Orchestra, Stanley Ritchie, director; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ First Christian Church — “Masses & Madrigals: Ancient & Modern,” Performed by the Bloomington Chmaber Singers, Conducted by Gerald Sousa; 8pm

OPERA ◗ IU Musical Arts Center — “Cendrillon (Cinderella),” Presented by IU Opera Theater; 8pm

STAGE ◗ IU Ivy Tech Waldron Center, Auditorium — Comedy, “Alfred Hitchcock’s 39 Steps“; 8pm

COMEDY ◗ The Comedy Attic — Greg Hahn; 8pm

FILM ◗ IU Fine Arts Theater — Ryder Film Series: “Keep the Lights On“; 8:15pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Piano Studio Recital: Students of Jean-Louis Haguenauer; 8:30pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Musical Arts Center Recital Hall — Senior Recital: Jisoo Kim on piano; 8:30pm

FILM ◗ IU Woodburn Hall Theater — Ryder Film Series: “All Together“; 8:45pm

MUSIC ◗ The Bluebird — Rod Tuffcurls & the Benchpress; 9pm

MUSIC ◗ Max’s Place — Piney Woods; 9pm

MUSIC ◗ The Bishop — Andy D album release party with Ursa Major, Beverly Bounce House, DJ Eade; 9:30pm

COMEDY ◗ The Comedy Attic — Greg Hahn; 10:30pm

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ONGOING:

ART ◗ IU Art Museum — Exhibits:

“Paragons of Filial Piety,” by Utagawa Kuniyoshi; through December 31st
“Intimate Models: Photographs of Husbands, Wives, and Lovers,” by Julia Margaret, Cameron, Edward Weston, & Harry Callahan; through December 31st
“French Printmaking in the Seventeenth Century;” through December 31st
Celebration of Cuban Art & Film: Pop-art by Joe Tilson; through December 31st
“Threads of Love: Baby Carriers from China’s Minority Nationalities“; through December 23rd
“Workers of the World, Unite!” through December 31st
“Embracing Nature,” by Barry Gealt; through December 23rd
“Pioneers & Exiles: German Expressionism,” through December 23rd

ART ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron Center — Exhibits through December 1st:

“Essentially Human,” By William Fillmore
“Two Sides to Every Story,” By Barry Barnes
“Horizons in Pencil and Wax,” By Carol Myers

ART ◗ IU SoFA Grunwald Gallery — Exhibits through November 16th:

Buzz Spector: Off the Shelf
Small Is Big

ART ◗ IU Kinsey Institute Gallery — Exhibits through December 20th:

“A Place Aside: Artists and Their Partners“
“Gender Expressions“

ART ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World Cultures — Exhibits:

“¡Cuba Si! Posters from the Revolution: 1960s and 1970s”
“From the Big Bang to the World Wide Web: The Origins of Everything”
“Thoughts, Things, and Theories… What Is Culture?”
“Picturing Archaeology”
“Personal Accents: Accessories from Around the World”
“Blended Harmonies: Music and Religion in Nepal”
“The Day in Its Color: A Hoosier Photographer’s Journey through Mid-century America”
“TOYing with Ideas”
“Living Heritage: Performing Arts of Southeast Asia”
“On a Wing and a Prayer”

BOOKS ◗ IU Lilly Library — Exhibits:

“The War of 1812 in the Collections of the Lilly Library“; through December 15th
“A World of Puzzles,” selections from the Slocum Puzzle Collection

ARTIFACTS ◗ Monroe County History Center — Exhibits:

Doctors & Dentists: A Look into the Monroe County Medical Professions
What Is Your Quilting Story?
Garden Glamour: Floral Fashion Frenzy
Bloomington Then & Now
World War II Uniforms
Limestone Industry in Monroe County

The Ryder & The Electron Pencil. All Bloomington. All the time.

10/27/2012

1 Comment

Abortion, Birthers, Business Insider, CNN, Colin Powell, Eric Holder, Gayle Cook, John H. Sununu, Richard Mourdock, Saddam Hussein, Terri Schiavo, United Nations

The Pencil Today:

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THE QUOTE

“Though this nation has proudly thought of itself as an ethnic melting pot, in things racial we have always been and continue to be, in too many ways, essentially a nation of cowards.” — Eric Holder

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PICK YOUR PRESIDENT

Get out of bed, splash some water on your face, throw your sweatclothes on, and go vote.

Yup, you can do it today. Special Saturday hours at The Curry Building, 214 W. Seventh St. are 9am-4pm.

Why wait?

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SUNUNU NEWS

Yes, the Republicans are incredibly good at sticking their feet in their mouths.

And even when they’re not misspeaking, their heartfelt utterances are enough to scare the rest of us half to death. For instance, I have no doubt Richard Mourdock honestly and truly believes what he said the other night about rape babies being conceived because god intends it. If I had a womb, I’d be sleeping with the lights on at this point.

But sometimes they speak real truths. It makes me feel all soiled to say it but John H. Sununu’s take on Colin Powell’s endorsement of Barack Obama is just such a case.

The Sudden “Liberal”

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Sununu, the first President Bush’s chief of staff and now a spokesmodel for the Romney campaign, told CNN Thursday night that Powell is backing the Prez because they’re both black.

Oh, my side of the fence is going bananas over that one. How dare he say such a thing! the wisdom goes.

To which I say, Bah!

Look, Colin Powell was such a loyal Republican that he allowed himself to be trotted out before the world and the United Nations with the Bush Administration’s flimsy argument that Saddam Hussein was cooking up weapons of mass destruction during the lead-in to our misguided war with Iraq.

Just Trust Us, Okay?

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He served as Secretary of State under a president so divisive and partisan that he made Ronald Reagan look like a professional arbitrator.

Now all of a sudden he’s behind a Democrat who’s so vilified by the Republicans that a significant percentage of them don’t believe he was born in this country and many of their theorists suggest he’s out to destroy the land he presides over.

I don’t buy it. Sununu’s right. Powell’s backing Barack because they share skin color.

Sununu’s mistake was speaking such a harsh truth out loud. We’re the ones who should be embarrassed because we can’t take it.

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FUN WITH NUMBERS

Gayle Cook is now the richest human being in Indiana.

So says Business Insider in the online mag’s feature this week on the wealthiest person in each of the 50 states.

Bill Cook’s widow can spend her days and nights counting 3.4BB bucks, according to BI’s estimate of her wealth.

Let’s pretend she can magically transform all that wealth into so much cash in the snap of a finger. Then let’s say she decides to go on a spending spree. Say she sets a goal of spending $10,000 a day, just for kicks. She can buy anything she wants every day as long as she doesn’t exceed that 10k limit.

Reimagining Gayle As A Drunken Sailor

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She could, for instance, buy sirloin steak for herself and all her friends as well as a decent number of Bloomingtonians today. At about $6.47 a pound, she’d be able to purchase 1545.6 pounds of the juicy stuff. That’s just in a day, I might remind you.

Say instead, she wanted to fill as many people’s cars up at the gas station as her ten grand would allow. Last I checked, gas was going for $3.45 a gallon here in Bloomington. Assuming all her pals’ hot rods need an average of 10 gallons to top off, she’ll be able to make some 299 people deliriously happy.

We’re talking dough, right?

Even at that rate of expenditure, Gayle Cook would need some 931 years to burn through all her cash.

Sheesh.

Here are some other folks who are the richest in their states:

Idaho’s Frank VanderSloot is worth $1.2BB. He’s the CEO of Melaleuca, a company that runs a multi-level marketing racket based on an iffy tree oil potion. By the way, VanderSloot has thrown about a million bucks Mitt Romney’s way so far this year.
Tennessee’s Thomas Frist is worth $3BB. He helped Harlan Sanders start Kentucky Fried Chicken and then went on to start up the Hospital Corporation of America, the largest for-profit hospital operator on the globe. Daddy-o Thomas’s kid is Tennessee Senator Bill Frist. Remember him? He was the guy who determined celebrity vegetable Terri Schiavo to be taking a nap back in 2001 merely by glancing at some video footage of her.
Illinois’ Sam Zell is worth $3.9BB. He purchased the Tribune Company back in 2008. The Tribune newspaper is driving itself out of business and the Tribune’s former property, the Chicago Cubs, are, well, the Chicago Cubs.
Michigan’s Richard DeVos, Sr. is worth $5.1BB. He founded the nation’s biggest multi-level marketing racket, AmWay.
John Menard of Wisconsin is worth $6BB. He founded the Menard’s home improvement chain and threw scads of money at Gov. Scott Walker to support his union-busting efforts. Menard also counts the Koch Boys as close pals.
Oregon’s Philip Knight is worth $13BB. His Nike outfit sells shoes for a hundred dollars-plus a pop even though they’re worth pennies in materials and are manufactured by tots who are chained in galley ships and are whipped by former gladiators.
Virginia’s Forrest Mars is worth $17BB. His Mars candy company makes Snickers bars. He’s worth every penny he has.

Nougat, Peanuts, Caramel, Chocolate — Genius!

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Nevada’s Sheldon Adelson is worth $20.2BB. He is Satan incarnate.
David Koch of Kansas is worth $32.1BB. Oops, I made a mistake. He’s Satan incarnate.

From all I hear, Gayle Cook’s a good soul, as was her husband. Can’t say the same about the rest of them (although Forrest Mars deserves the Nobel Prize in Candymaking.)

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The only events listings you need in Bloomington.

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Saturday, October 27th, 2012

FOOD ◗ City Hall, Showers Building parking lot — Farmers Market; 8am-1pm

VOTE TODAY ◗The Curry Building, 214 W. Seventh St.; 9am-4pm

BENEFIT WALK ◗ IU Memorial Stadium — 2012 Bloomington Out of the Darkness Walk for Suicide Prevention & Awareness; 9am-noon

CLASS ◗ Monroe County Public Library — VITAL English as a Second Language tutor training, 1st of 2 sessions; 10am

STUDIO TOUR ◗ Brown County, various locations — The Backroads of Brown County Studio Tour, free, self-guided tour of 16 local artists’ & craftspersons’ studios; 10am-5pm, through October

POETRY & BOOKS ◗ Various locations around IU campus & Bloomington — Sylvia Plath Symposium 2012, celebrating 50 years since the publication of her “Ariel” collection, Through Saturday, Today’s highlights at IU Woodburn Hall:

Theme: 50 Years of “Ariel” and “The October Poems“
Karen Kukli on PLath’s archival references to “Fever 103“; 10-10:50am
Linda Adele Goodine on the video, “Bee Asana: Healing of Plath,” & the “Seneca Honey Series” photos; 11-11:50am
Suzie Hanna & Tom Simmons on the animated film, “Girl Who Would Be God“; Noon-12:50pm
Julie Goodspeed-Chadwick on cultural/medico/political aspects of trauma & narrative in “Ariel“; 2-2:25pm
Lynda K. Bundtzen on Plath’s “Bee Sequence” poems; 2:30-3:20pm
Langdon Hammer 0n Plath’s German “Daddy” & “Lorelei“; 3:30-4:20pm
Heather Clark & Anita Helle on Otto Plath’s FBI files & scientific works; 4:30-5:20pm
Heather Clark, Langdon Hammer, Anita Helle, & Peter K. Steinberg on archiving Otto Plath; 5:25-5:55pm
Linda Gates’ “Mushroom” puppetry & Caroline Harris, Matt Kuyawa, Marek Pavlovski, & Sophie Rich drama dialog of “Blood Jet Is Poetry: The Shared Poetic Language of Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes,” discussion led by Laura Passin; 6-7:30pm
Book Signing; 7:30pm

LECTURE ◗ IU Swain Hall West — “Mars: Update on the Curiosity Probe,” Presented by IU Geology Department chair Lisa Pratt; 11am-noon

ARTS FEST ◗ Foxfire Park, Nashville — Fall Fine Arts Festival; 11am-6pm

LECTURE ◗ IU Swain Hall West — Physics professor Harold Ogren talks about the Higgs Boson; Noon-1pm

OPERA ◗ IU Musical Arts Center — Indiana District round of Metropolitan Opera National Council auditions; Noon

MUSIC ◗ Muddy Boots Cafe, Nashville — Robbie Bowden; Noon

BENEFIT ◗ Ellington Stables, 680 W. That Rd. — Adoption Day, For Horse Angels Rescue abused & neglected horse care program; 1-5pm

SPORTS ◗ IU Field Hockey Complex — Hoosier women’s field hockey vs. Ohio State; 1pm

LECTURE ◗ IU Swain Hall West — Political science professor Bill Bianco American & Russian cooperation in the International Space Station; 1-2pm

HALLOWE’EN ◗ Haunted Hayride and Stables — Friendly hayrides; 1-7pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Auer Hall — Pre-College Strings Halloween Concert; 1-2pm

STAGE ◗ IU Wells-Metz Theatre — “Richard III“; 2pm

DANCE & BENEFIT ◗ Buskirk Chumley Theater — “Thrill the World 2012,” Dozens dance Michael Jackson’s “Thriller,” For Cardinal Stage Company; 2pm

STORYTELLING ◗ IU Art Museum — Spooky Stories in the Gallery, Presented by Bloomington Storytellers Guild; 2-4pm

HALLOWE’EN ◗ Lake Monroe, Paynetown SRA — Ghostly Gathering, party, campsite decorating contest, trick or treat, costume contest, “ghost” hunt; 2:30pm through Sunday at 5pm

FILM ◗ IU Cinema — “Bride of Frankenstein” & “Freaks“; 3pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Pre-College Harp Halloween Recital; 3-5pm

BENEFIT ◗ St. Paul Catholic Center — Great American bake Sale, For Share Our Strength childhood hunger program; 4:30pm

MUSIC ◗ Bloomington High School North — “Symphonic Spooktacular,” Presented by the Bloomington Symphony Orchestra; 5pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Senior Recital: Janessa Reames, soprano; 5pm

BENEFIT ◗ Cardinal Stage Company Building — “Cast a Spell” adult halloween party; 6-10pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Auer Hall — Doctoral Recital: Li-An Chen on piano; 6pm

PERFORMANCE ◗ Rachael’s Cafe — Different Drummer Belly Dancers; 6-8pm

FILM ◗ IU Fine Arts Theater — Ryder Film Series: “All Together“; 7pm

SPORTS ◗ IU Gymnasium — Hoosier volleyball vs. Michigan; 7pm

MUSIC ◗ Muddy Boots Cafe, Nashville — Little Merrie Simmons; 7-9pm

HALLOWE’EN ◗ Haunted Hayride and Stables — Scary hayrides; 7-11pm

HALLOWE’EN ◗ Bakers Junction Railroad Museum — Haunted train; 7pm

HALLOWE’EN ◗ Frank Southern Ice Arena — Skate & Scare, skating, haunted house, cider, trick or treat; 7pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Ford-Crawford Hall — Senior Recital: Cameron Smith on trombone; 7pm

FILM ◗ IU Cinema — Ultra-Low Budget Double Feature: “The Gamers: Dorkness Rising” & “Beverly Lane“; 7pm

STAGE ◗ IU Wells-Metz Theatre — “Richard III“; 7:30pm

FILM ◗ IU Woodburn Hall Theater — Ryder Film Series: “All Together“; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ IU Auer Hall — Faculty & Guest Recital: William Ludwig on bassoon, Kay Kim on piano; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ Rachael’s Cafe — Jerome & the Psychics, Agent Ribbons, The Gypsies; 8:30-11pm

MUSIC ◗ The Bluebird — Jon McLaughlin; 9pm

STAGE ◗ Bloomington High School South — Comedy, “Once Upon a Mattress”; 7:30pm

HALLOWE’EN FILM ◗ Buskirk Chumley Theater — “Rocky Horror Picture Show“; 7:30pm

MUSIC ◗ Cafe Django — Post Modern Jazz Quartet; 8pm

COMEDY ◗ The Comedy Attic — Michael Winslow; 8pm

MUSIC ◗ The Player’s Pub — The Dynamics Halloween Party; 8pm

STORYTELLING ◗ Max’s Place — — “Bone-Chilling Stories,” Presented by the Bloomington Storytelling Project; 8pm

FILM ◗ IU Memorial Union, Whittenberger Auditorium — UB Films: “The Campaign“; 8pm

FILM ◗ IU Fine Arts Theater — Ryder Film Series: “Side by Side“; 8:30pm

HALLOWE’EN ◗ Serendipity Martini Bar — Bloomington Burlesque Brigade’s Halloween Horror Show; 10pm

COMEDY ◗ The Comedy Attic — Michael Winslow; 10:30pm

MUSIC ◗ The Bishop — Players Ball; 11pm

FILM ◗ IU Memorial Union, Whittenberger Auditorium — UB Films: “The Campaign“; 11pm

HALLOWE’EN FILM ◗ Buskirk Chumley Theater — “Rocky Horror Picture Show“; 11:30pm

■

ONGOING:

ART ◗ IU Art Museum — Exhibits:

“New Acquisitions,” David Hockney; through October 21st
“Paragons of Filial Piety,” by Utagawa Kuniyoshi; through December 31st
“Intimate Models: Photographs of Husbands, Wives, and Lovers,” by Julia Margaret, Cameron, Edward Weston, & Harry Callahan; through December 31st
“French Printmaking in the Seventeenth Century;” through December 31st
Celebration of Cuban Art & Film: Pop-art by Joe Tilson; through December 31st
“Threads of Love: Baby Carriers from China’s Minority Nationalities“; through December 23rd
“Workers of the World, Unite!” through December 31st
“Embracing Nature,” by Barry Gealt; through December 23rd
“Pioneers & Exiles: German Expressionism,” through December 23rd

ART ◗ Ivy Tech Waldron Center — Exhibits:

“Ab-Fab — Extreme Quilting,” by Sandy Hill; October 5th through October 27th
“Street View — Bloomington Scenes,” by Tom Rhea; October 5th through October 27th
“From the Heartwoods,” by James Alexander Thom; October 5th through October 27th
“The Spaces in Between,” by Ellen Starr Lyon; October 5th through October 27th

ART ◗ IU SoFA Grunwald Gallery — Exhibit:

Buzz Spector: Off the Shelf; through November 16th
Small Is Big; Through November 16th

ART ◗ IU Kinsey Institute Gallery — Exhibits:

“A Place Aside: Artists and Their Partners;” through December 20th
“Gender Expressions;” through December 20th

PHOTOGRAPHY ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World Cultures — Exhibit:

“CUBAmistad” photos

ART ◗ IU Mathers Museum of World Cultures — Exhibits:

“¡Cuba Si! Posters from the Revolution: 1960s and 1970s”
“From the Big Bang to the World Wide Web: The Origins of Everything”
“Thoughts, Things, and Theories… What Is Culture?”
“Picturing Archaeology”
“Personal Accents: Accessories from Around the World”
“Blended Harmonies: Music and Religion in Nepal”
“The Day in Its Color: A Hoosier Photographer’s Journey through Mid-century America”
“TOYing with Ideas”
“Living Heritage: Performing Arts of Southeast Asia”
“On a Wing and a Prayer”

BOOKS ◗ IU Lilly Library — Exhibit:

“Outsiders and Others: Arkham House, Weird Fiction, and the Legacy of HP Lovecraft;” through November 1st
“A World of Puzzles,” selections from the Slocum Puzzle Collection

PHOTOGRAPHY ◗ Soup’s On — Exhibit:

Celebration of Cuban Art & Culture: “CUBAmistad photos; through October

PHOTOGRAPHY ◗ Monroe County History Center — Exhibit:

“Bloomington: Then and Now,” presented by Bloomington Fading; through October 27th

ARTIFACTS ◗ Monroe County History Center — Exhibits:

Doctors & Dentists: A Look into the Monroe County Medical Professions
What Is Your Quilting Story?
Garden Glamour: Floral Fashion Frenzy
Bloomington Then & Now
World War II Uniforms
Limestone Industry in Monroe County

The Electron Pencil

Category Archives: United Nations

The Pencil Today:

THE QUOTE

NYAH, NYAH

Republicans

Susan Rice

Dangerous Johns: Kerry & Lennon

ANNIE’S LITTLE SECRET

Matt Lauer Grosses Out The Universe While Interviewing Hathaway

A LADY LEXICON

“Sheathe Your Swords, Men Of Rome.”

SHE’S A BAD MAMA JAMA

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The Pencil Today:

THE QUOTE

YOU AND IRAQ

Aaron Freeman

POLL WATCHING

THE SHORT OF IT

Don’t You Dare!

CHAIN GANG

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The Pencil Today:

THE QUOTE

BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG SKY

MAD MEN

Svengali

If This Guy Thinks You’re Nuts….

AUSTERITY, NO

Thanks, Amy

Execrable, Albeit Explainable

APPROPRIATELY NAMED

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The Pencil Today:

THE QUOTE

THE NEW ORDER

Saturday, November 10th, 2012

ONGOING:

The Ryder & The Electron Pencil. All Bloomington. All the time.

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The Pencil Today:

THE QUOTE

PICK YOUR PRESIDENT

SUNUNU NEWS

The Sudden “Liberal”

Just Trust Us, Okay?

FUN WITH NUMBERS

Reimagining Gayle As A Drunken Sailor

Nougat, Peanuts, Caramel, Chocolate — Genius!

Saturday, October 27th, 2012

ONGOING:

The Ryder & The Electron Pencil. All Bloomington. All the time.

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