Category Archives: Cunnilingus

Hot Licks Air

Speaking In Tongues

I’m on a roll here, as today’s topic again touches on female plumbing and architecture.

Loyal readers will recall that on X-mas day, I mused on the difficulties several media outlets might have experienced when confronted with the need to employ nomenclature — and a more casual, if not downright common variety thereof — for the double-X-chromosomed set’s nether regions.

Phew! Have you penetrated my faux-intellectual obfuscations yet? Don’t worry; I can hardly tell what I’m referring to.

O'Keeffe

A Delightful Georgia O’Keeffe Image

Anyway, I snickered with schadenfreudal glee over what I imagined to be NPR voices’ discomfort with having to say the words Pussy Riot.

Lo and behold, the usually-stuffed shirts at CNN descended into a discussion of a certain pastime enjoyed by connoisseurs of, shall we say, the eroto-culinary arts last night. (h/t to Wonkette.)

Anderson Cooper and Dan Savage discussed the top news stories of 2013. When Cooper asked Savage what the funnest scandal of the year was, Savage immediately cited Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s celebrated forays into drugs and hookers.

Said Savage: “I love a good cunnilingus joke on the evening news.”

Now, most TV anchors might either pretend Savage never said any such thing or the more delicate of them might simply faint. But Cooper felt compelled to relate this story about his mother (the late Gloria Vanderbilt):

My mom once wrote a romance memoir about men she’d dated, and I use that term loosely, and she described one guy she was currently dating — my mom was 85 at the time — as the Nijinsky of cunnilingus. And she made me proofread the book.

“My mom“?

As in, My mom made brownies for my Cub Scout pack one afternoon, or, My mom made sure I always wore earmuffs in the winter.

Even Tricky Dick Nixon, when describing the woman who’d given birth to him (while, it should be added, he was drunk as a skunk) could muster only enough familiarity to say “My mother was a saint.”

Not My mom was a saint. My mother.

Yet here’s Anderson Cooper musing about his own sainted mother’s orgasmic calisthenics, referring about said activities as if he was Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.

My mom.

I get the feeling that merely contemplating my own mother engaging in such a refreshing pursuit would cause my skull to come apart at the seams.

Skull Sutures

My Coconut Would Disintegrate Into 10 Pieces

BTW: Fox News bloviators have yet to comment on Cooper & Savage’s colloquoy. Probably because none of them knows what the word cunnilingus means.

The Pencil Today:

THE QUOTE

“The agenda of the Republican Party is to limit access to health care services. It’s to deny women equal pay for equal work. It’s to cut funding for Planned Parenthood. And it’s to select as a vice presidential nominee someone who co-sponsored legislation with Representative [Todd] Akin to redefine ‘rape’.” — Elizabeth Warren

KEEP TALKING, WOMAN!

Quite frankly, I haven’t had enough of Elizabeth Warren, candidate for the US Senate from Massachusetts. So here’s more:

FREE SPEECH

Here are some of the guests speakers at IU this fall, straight from the Themester announcement page:

  • Werner Herzog, filmmaker — Friday, September 14th
  • Chaz Bono, LGBTQ activist — Wednesday October 4th
  • Robert Gibbs, former White House press secretary, & Karl Rove, Republican political strategist — Thursday, October 16th
  • David Lacks, son of the subject of the bestseller, “The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks” — Wednesday, November 14th

Rove

All are open to the public.

ORAL ARGUMENTS

Have you checked your state’s statutes recently?

If not, you may find that you broke the law last night. Or this morning. Or even as you read this.

That’s because as many as 18 of these great United States have laws on the books banning the catch-all “sodomy,” which includes the giving and receiving of fellatio and cunnilingus.

So the next time you hear the phrase, “Pitchers and catchers report,” it might not mean baseball spring training is about to begin. It may mean you’d better start packing your toothbrush for an extended stay in your state’s correctional inn.

Enjoy Your Stay!

Teehee — I’ll bet there’s a mad dash of Pencillistas doing Google searches right now.

LOVE TO LOVE YOU, BABY

Something for you to listen to while you flout the laws of this holy land.

Here’s how I waste my time. How about you? Share your fave sites with us via the comments section. Just type in the name of the site, not the url; we’ll find them. If we like them, we’ll include them — if not, we’ll ignore them.

I Love ChartsLife as seen through charts.

XKCD — “A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.”

SkepchickWomen scientists look at the world and the universe.

IndexedAll the answers in graph form, on index cards.

I Fucking Love ScienceA Facebook community of science geeks.

Present/&/CorrectFun, compelling, gorgeous and/or scary graphic designs and visual creations throughout the years and from all over the world.

Flip Flop Fly BallBaseball as seen through infographics, haikus, song lyrics, and other odd communications devices.

Mental FlossFacts.

SodaplayCreate your own models or play with other people’s models.

Eat Sleep DrawAn endless stream of artwork submitted by an endless stream of people.

Big ThinkTapping the brains of notable intellectuals for their opinions, predictions, and diagnoses.

The Daily PuppySo shoot me.

Electron Pencil event listings: Music, art, movies, lectures, parties, receptions, games, benefits, plays, meetings, fairs, conspiracies, rituals, etc.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Bear’s PlaceAl Cobine Big Band; 5:30pm

Malibu GrillSteve Johnson Trio; 6-9pm

Rachael’s CafeRick Hornyak; 7pm

◗ IU CinemaFilm: “Silver Bullets”; 7pm

◗ IU Neal-Marshall Black Culture CenterAuditions Soul Revue; 7pm

The Player’s PubOpen mic, hosted my Martina Samm; 8pm

◗ IU Memorial Union, Whittenberger Auditorium — UB Films: “The Avengers”; 8pm

Serendipity Martini BarTeam trivia; 8:30pm

The BluebirdThree Story Hill; 9pm

Max’s PlaceStuttering Ducks; 9pm

The BishopPsychic Twin, Brownie Mountain; 9:30pm

Max’s Place220 Breakers; 10pm

◗ IU Memorial Union, Whittenberger Auditorium — UB Films: “The Avengers”; 11pm

Max’s PlaceFifth on the Floor; 11pm

ONGOING

◗ Ivy Tech Waldron CenterExhibits:

  • “40 Years of Artists from Pygmalion’s”; through September 1st

◗ IU Art MuseumExhibits:

  • “A Tribute to William Zimmerman,” wildlife artist; through September 9th

  • Willi Baumeister, “Baumeister in Print”; through September 9th

  • Annibale and Agostino Carracci, “The Bolognese School”; through September 16th

  • “Contemporary Explorations: Paintings by Contemporary Native American Artists”; through October 14th

  • David Hockney, “New Acquisitions”; through October 21st

  • Utagawa Kuniyoshi, “Paragons of Filial Piety”; through fall semester 2012

  • Julia Margaret Cameron, Edward Weston, & Harry Callahan, “Intimate Models: Photographs of Husbands, Wives, and Lovers”; through December 31st

  • “French Printmaking in the Seventeenth Century”; through December 31st

◗ IU SoFA Grunwald GalleryExhibits:

  • Coming — Media Life; August 24th through September 15th

  • Coming — Axe of Vengeance: Ghanaian Film Posters and Film Viewing Culture; August 24th through September 15th

◗ IU Kinsey Institute Gallery“Ephemeral Ink: Selections of Tattoo Art from the Kinsey Institute Collection”; through September 21st

◗ IU Lilly LibraryExhibit, “Translating the Canon: Building Special Collections in the 21st Century”; through September 1st

◗ IU Mathers Museum of World CulturesClosed for semester break, reopens Tuesday, August 21st

Monroe County History CenterPhoto exhibit, “Bloomington: Then and Now” by Bloomington Fading; through October 27th

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